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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

How do you split finances?

48 replies

Cocopogo · 08/10/2022 00:33

DP earns twice as much as me and we want to live together but can’t agree on how to split finances. He said bills should be 50/50 and whatever we have left is ours except he’ll have 1-2k and I’ll have 1-2 hundred left and I have two kids (not his) as well as losing tax credits to move in together. This doesn’t seem fair to me but DP is adamant it is.
How does everyone else split their finances when they earn different amounts?

OP posts:

Hearthnhome · 08/10/2022 07:45

I have some much sympathy for women who find themselves in bad relationships. Sometimes it creeps in so slowly, you can’t spot it.

Bug, for fucks sake, what are you doing? It’s really clear he is a massive Cunt. You are walking into this shit show, with your eyes open. And what’s worse, is you are leading your kids into by the hand as well.

He isn’t generous with money at all your previous threads so this. He is a piss taker.

Eigher he has a golden cold or you are hanging on hoping her eventually shares money with you. Or eventually gives in and marries you, because you think you will get access to his money. You won’t, but I can not for the life in me see why you are still with him. There’s got to be something else you want for you to be in this relationship and trying to move it forward.

SleepCheeseBeer · 08/10/2022 07:45

My DH earns more than me. We both pay 60% of our wages in to the joint account and the rest is our own.
Yes he has more money to play with but we aren't militant about it, if I run out of money I just use his.

comfortablyfrumpy · 08/10/2022 07:46

Don't move in with him.

Simonjt · 08/10/2022 07:46

When we moved in together he paid 1/3 of household bills (so electric etc) and 1/2 of the council tax. I wasn’t going to accept money off him for my mortgage or my child.

Why did you choose to take a lower paying job if you’re already finding finances tough?

DashboardConfessional · 08/10/2022 07:51

I've just read your previous threads. If he has cheated on you, then been on dating sites, only proposed because you nagged, the sex is shit and he wants to move his mother in for 6 months at a time, what in the blue fuck are you doing??

Lunar270 · 08/10/2022 07:55

Dear God.

Up till very recently I earned 10x what my wife earned. We pooled every penny and I never questioned what or how she spent any of it as the money is OURS, not mine or hers.

I've always detested the notion of fairness when you choose to share a home with someone.

KangarooKenny · 08/10/2022 07:58

The answer is they he pays 2/3 and you pay 1/3.
But please be careful as what will happen if you split up, where will you and the kids live ?

OhIdoLike2bBesideTheSeaside · 08/10/2022 08:00

Cocopogo · 08/10/2022 00:48

He’s usually quite generous with money but he’s recently had a pay rise whereas I took a pay cut to change career and things have changed.

Don't make yourself financially vunerable and reliable on someone else
Maintain your own independence and do not move in with him.

We put a percentage of our salary into a bills account how is it fair any other way???

Swedishmeatball · 08/10/2022 08:03

DH and I don’t split finances as we’re married. All money is pooled.

Weenurse · 08/10/2022 08:05

If you are going to be worse off financially, don’t move in together.

Teenprobs · 08/10/2022 08:07

My other half bio father of only my current pregnancy gives me 2/3 of his wage. And I'm In charge of the house bills and expenses. I put 100 percent of my wage in, but I also have access to UC if I need something for me. We're very open with our finances we discuss a couple of times a month where we're at, how much we have left and he will offer money if its needed. No joint account.

BernadetteRostankowskiWolowitz · 08/10/2022 08:08

Well, first and foremost, don't do it.

Whatafustercluck · 08/10/2022 08:16

I earn roughly twice dh's salary. I pay proportionately more for all bills, we each take a personal allowance and the rest goes into a joint account for kids, household, holidays, days out etc.

If you've got children, then there's no way you should disadvantage yourself by moving in with him. Stick to your guns, say the inequity it will create will disadvantage you and your children and you're not prepared to do that.

Beneficialchampion2 · 08/10/2022 08:22

I earn around 66% more than my partner.

We both pay half each off the mortgage so that should we split dividing it up is simple.

All other shared bills (utilities, Insurance, food etc) are split proportionally, I pay more as I earn more.

We both pay what is owed into our joint account on pay day.

Whatever is left is our own (disposable, car payments, savings and Investments).

Youcancallmeirrelevant · 08/10/2022 08:24

We have always done it based on how salaries are split, like 60/40 etxc, bur i would expect him to contribut more to make up for your lost tax credits.

Botg of you ahould benefit for moving in together

StClare101 · 08/10/2022 08:24

I would have said a 50/50 split is fair when that means he’s paying for your kids, but apparently there is.a back story here and he is a massive tosser so…. Perhaps read the other thread back to yourself before making a decision.

LovelyDaaling · 08/10/2022 08:44

I wouldn't have married my husband if he wasn't prepared to pool everything from the outset. We have a joint account and he used to earn more than me.
Any surplus money is considered equally ours - just like it would be if we divorced.
Money from his late parents home also went into the joint account.

CombatBarbie · 08/10/2022 09:12

Nope he should be giving you the difference on what you lose in benefits and council tax.....

But he sounds like a stingy fucker and this is just a sign of things to come so it would be a no from me.

Original poster

Cocopogo · 08/10/2022 09:16

Yes you’re right it’s time to walk. When it’s on paper in black and white it’s all there. There are lots of positives to the relationship which I don’t post about, I only post when there’s an issue. But they are big issues and it’s gives me the clarity that I’ve just wasted so much time in this relationship on someone who is only out for themselves.

Last time MN advised me to LTB about twelve years ago. I walked away and took such strength from reading the posts and staying angry.

OP posts:

DashboardConfessional · 08/10/2022 12:14

There's no such thing as a positive that outweighs repeatedly being cheated on.

IncompleteSenten · 08/10/2022 12:20

We don't. Everything we have is ours jointly and equally.

However - you should not move in with this man! He wants to be better off at your expense.

You move in with him and you lose money and I just fucking bet what you gain is housework and cooking! Pay to scrub his skidmarks. Fuck that for a game of soldiers.

IncompleteSenten · 08/10/2022 12:22

He cheats and is an arsehole all round too?

Fucking hell.

Quiettiger · 08/10/2022 12:41

DH and I chuck it all in one joint account and everything comes out of that. But what works for us, doesn't work for other people. In the same way friends are aghast at the joint aspect of my finances, sometimes I'm baffled at how my friends manage their (very separate) finances.

But we are not you. Your back story and other posts scream that you need to get rid of this tight fisted cheating arsehole, not give up your security and finances to move in with him.

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