Page 3 | Boyfriend out all night

spacexdragon · 2022-10-07T21:02:52+00:00

Dropped him off about 6pm, said i'd come get him since taxis are expensive and he's out like 30min away. We had a baby 9 weeks ago, and this is the first he's been out. He's now apparently staying with his friend, i can't help but feel a bit bitter and upset that i'm just being left to it at home with the baby? when do i get to go out all night? for context, i moved down to be with him cause his job, i don't have any family or friends here so he's the only person i have at the moment.

DrManhattan · 08/10/2022 13:40

Staying out all night in these circumstances isn't normal. Do yourself a favour and don't put up with shit or you will end up being a total doormat in your own life.

DrinkFeckArseBrick · 08/10/2022 14:33

I was on the fence about this one until your update. In my opinion it's completely unacceptable to call your partner and the mother of your child 'lazy' when they ask you to change a nappy. My husband used to do all the nappy changes at home as hed always say he knew I must be sick of it since I'd had it all day. Only doing chores when asked is also a red flag, unless you are completely anal about how exactly things should be done, there is plenty of stuff to do that doesnt need direction. And just wanting to be fun dad and playing with the baby rather than doing the grunt work isnt a great sign.

Personally I think people get what they settle for. I'd never have accepted someone staying out all night, both of us cut down on nights out and if we did go out we made sure we werent too drunk that we couldn't get up early the next morning with the baby, for the first 6 months until they started sleeping better. He is not supporting you as much as you need or deserve. You might want to talk to him and set out what you will and will not tolerate and look into moving back to where you can get some actual support

Peashoots · 08/10/2022 14:55

Sorry OP but YABU. First night out in 9 weeks he’s hardly having it large every weekend. It makes sense that he would stay at his friends…would you honestly rather be dragging a newborn out in the middle of the night when it’s cold to pick him up?
nithibg you’ve said indicates that he would have a problem if you wanted to go out, it’s just you don’t have anyone too with. It sounds jealous and bitter, that you don’t want him to have something because YOU can’t have it. Try and make hobbies and friends yourself! The heres absolutely no reason you both can’t have the occasional night out to let your hair down. Go to some local mum groups, find a hobby (I’m part of a pop choir that meet every week and often go the pub afterwards for a couple of drinks). What about his friends, do they have girlfriends that you could go out to dinner with and make friends with?
My point is, being bitter and being a martyr won’t improve your situation. You chose to move there, so make a proper go of it, put yourself out there and see what happens. Good luck.

cushioncovers · 08/10/2022 17:43

Move back home to your local town and build a new life, he's going to be a huge disappointment to you.

Noviembre · 08/10/2022 17:45

You moved to be with him and have a baby. That was a mistake. You're away from friends and family. Mistake.

You won't be the last person to fuck it all up for some useless bloke. But maybe time to start living your life for you and the kid now?

beonmywaythen · 08/10/2022 17:52

Baby 9 weeks ago and he's out all night? Reallllly bad sign

monsteramunch · 08/10/2022 18:16

Peashoots · 08/10/2022 14:55

Sorry OP but YABU. First night out in 9 weeks he’s hardly having it large every weekend. It makes sense that he would stay at his friends…would you honestly rather be dragging a newborn out in the middle of the night when it’s cold to pick him up?
nithibg you’ve said indicates that he would have a problem if you wanted to go out, it’s just you don’t have anyone too with. It sounds jealous and bitter, that you don’t want him to have something because YOU can’t have it. Try and make hobbies and friends yourself! The heres absolutely no reason you both can’t have the occasional night out to let your hair down. Go to some local mum groups, find a hobby (I’m part of a pop choir that meet every week and often go the pub afterwards for a couple of drinks). What about his friends, do they have girlfriends that you could go out to dinner with and make friends with?
My point is, being bitter and being a martyr won’t improve your situation. You chose to move there, so make a proper go of it, put yourself out there and see what happens. Good luck.

2 nights ago we had a massive argument because i asked him to change her nappy. i was falling asleep and knackered when she started to fuss, so i asked if he would change her then pass her to me to feed while i came to and he refused (he only changed 1 nappy that day) saying i was being lazy and it descended in to a huge argument.

Yeah sounds like he'd be bang up for OP leaving him to parent his child overnight without her... 🙄

He's being horrible to her.

Peashoots · 08/10/2022 18:35

monsteramunch · 08/10/2022 18:16

2 nights ago we had a massive argument because i asked him to change her nappy. i was falling asleep and knackered when she started to fuss, so i asked if he would change her then pass her to me to feed while i came to and he refused (he only changed 1 nappy that day) saying i was being lazy and it descended in to a huge argument.

Yeah sounds like he'd be bang up for OP leaving him to parent his child overnight without her... 🙄

He's being horrible to her.

Show quote history

I missed the update…however, I’m not judging their whole relationship based on one argument. He might be a dick, equally they might have had an argument because they were both knackered and stressed 🤷🏼‍♀️ Calling the op lazy once doesn’t indicate he’s controlling and won’t let her have a night out? Only the op knows if he’s usually supportive, kind, hands on.