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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Am I just really intolerant or are these things unreasonable?

47 replies

AboutTheYoungIdea · 07/10/2022 14:23

I’m so fed up of other peoples actions and behaviour affecting my life - that’s aside from the general doom and gloom we’re all facing at the moment.

Some of the things that piss me off daily:

Selfish idiots on public transport playing music or having loud conversations

People driving way below the speed limit on perfectly safe roads

Noisy eaters

Increasingly poor service in shops and businesses (realise this isn’t always the fault of the customer-facing staff)

Inconsiderate neighbours making noise and smoking weed

The fact nobody can be bothered to keep our work environment pleasant - the kitchen and loo are just grim to use

Mumsnet’s lack of capitalisation when you start a new paragraph

Like a lot of people I’ve had a tough few years. I’m in a much better place now and I just want to live my own life quietly with as little stress as possible. I realise the above are minor compared to what some people are facing but to me they feel significant and have a real impact on my life. I try to be a decent considerate person, why can’t others do the same?

OP posts:
Sunnyqueen · 07/10/2022 14:27

Yawn
None of that stuff bothers me at all, too bust being bothered by real problems.

SirBlobby · 07/10/2022 14:27

A lot of those things are very annoying. The work environment one especially annoys me. People treating cleaners like skivvies and leaving an awful mess. Gross.

A580Hojas · 07/10/2022 14:27

That's a long list. I'd try and unclench a bit and count your blessings.

FarmerRefuted · 07/10/2022 14:28

I think its best to just practice a "let it go" mentality. You can control your own behaviour, your own choices, and your own actions but you cannot control that of others so why stress over it?

The only ones you can do something about are the work one and the weed/noise one. Work, report it to management and let them deal with it. Weed/noise, report it to the local council, their landlord (if they have one), your local councillor, and your local PCSO.

StopFeckingFaffing · 07/10/2022 14:28

The list you provide can all be annoyances so YANBU to find them irritating but ultimately they are relatively minor issues in day to day life so YABU to equate your list to "life is a bit shit" and the fact you are letting them have such a negative impact on your happiness does not sound normal or healthy

Bluevelvetsofa · 07/10/2022 14:29

No road is perfectly safe if it has traffic on it. I get that people driving slowly is irritating, but I’m more bothered about those who drive too quickly.

Customer service is distinctly lacking in many areas, including online. If I phone about something, it will be because I’ve not found the answer in the FAQs. I don’t want a five minute ramble about how I can(not) get the answer to my question.

I often find public transport quite scary, for the reasons mentioned.

I’m fed up of inconsiderate and illegal parking.

We have lovely neighbours, apart from the occasional dog barking.

CrystalCoco · 07/10/2022 14:34

A regular yoga practise could help you breathe / breeze through a lot of these irritants.

Also:
use headphones on public transport

remove yourself from the source of the noisy eater(s) if they can only eat like an animal

listen to a podcast / audio book / music in the car so you're not so focussed on slow drivers in front

poor service: don't go back

lack of capitalisation: accept there are things other people will do that you cannot change or control

PP covered the other two points ref neighbours and work

Thepeopleversuswork · 07/10/2022 14:47

I mean yes these things are all negatives, clearly and all of them have annoyed me at various times.

But it seems fairly odd to be this discombobulated by it. TBH most of us have to deal with these things alone or in combination fairly frequently. You just can't be derailed by it.

Ultimately wasting this much energy on things you can't control isn't going to be supportive to your life. You shouldn't routinely have to tolerate antisocial behaviour but it might be worth doing a bit of work to figure out why these things get under your skin as much as they do.

WeAreAllLionesses · 07/10/2022 14:49

Autocorrect annoys the shit out of me when it 'corrects' to the wrong word / spelling!

Original poster
AboutTheYoungIdea · 07/10/2022 15:08

Tbh the neighbours (and to some extent the work stuff) are what really get to me and perhaps make me more intolerant to things which, as people have rightly pointed out, are just part of life.

I'm not sure what I can do about that (although will look into what's been suggested) but when you cant even relax in your own home it's hard to be stress-free the rest of the time.

OP posts:
ImustLearn2Cook · 07/10/2022 15:14

Much of what you wrote is about people’s lack of consideration for others. I get it, I find the frequency of inconsiderate, selfish, rude, apathetic, thoughtless behaviour frustrating and tiresome.

The world is a better place when most people care, are considerate and thoughtful.

As for driving way below the speed limit unnecessarily it is annoying and not safer. In Qld, Australia you can be fined for driving too slowly. It is a traffic offence so not exactly trivial.

Quote from RACQ:

Driving too slowly

Drivers everywhere know they can be fined for speeding, but motorists can also be potentially fined for driving too slowly. Driving too far below the speed limit is an offence as it can be considered obstructing the path of other road users.

www.racq.com.au/articles/safety/2021/6/road-rules-you-didnt-know-you-were-breaking

emmathedilemma · 07/10/2022 15:17

YANBU and i also feel like people have spent so long in lockdown over the last couple of years that they've forgotten how to behave in public!

ImustLearn2Cook · 07/10/2022 15:17

I'm not sure what I can do about that (although will look into what's been suggested) but when you cant even relax in your own home it's hard to be stress-free the rest of the time.

@AboutTheYoungIdea So, true. I can relate to that.

Faciadipasta · 07/10/2022 15:18

Ooh I wish driving roo slowly carriex a fine here too. Drives me bloody nuts

Ohyoudodoyou · 07/10/2022 15:20

I agree with people FaceTiming and yakking loudly in public. I've lately become enraged at being on crowded transport and being an unwilling participant in their 'on the bus and I want everyone to hear about my boring life' 21st Century Fox production.
Me giving evil side eyes to the div next to me as I can't escape.

idonotmind · 07/10/2022 15:22

lack of capitalisation: accept there are things other people will do that you cannot change or control

This did make me laugh. But in general, Op, I agree - folk are less polite and more annoying

InCheesusWeTrust · 07/10/2022 15:38

AboutTheYoungIdea · 07/10/2022 15:08

Tbh the neighbours (and to some extent the work stuff) are what really get to me and perhaps make me more intolerant to things which, as people have rightly pointed out, are just part of life.

I'm not sure what I can do about that (although will look into what's been suggested) but when you cant even relax in your own home it's hard to be stress-free the rest of the time.

I think lots of people didn't take the neighbours bit seriously. It snowballs after and everything becomes a stressful annoyance when you don't have any relaxing space at all

ImustLearn2Cook · 07/10/2022 15:43

Ohyoudodoyou · 07/10/2022 15:20

I agree with people FaceTiming and yakking loudly in public. I've lately become enraged at being on crowded transport and being an unwilling participant in their 'on the bus and I want everyone to hear about my boring life' 21st Century Fox production.
Me giving evil side eyes to the div next to me as I can't escape.

I remember once when I was on the train and someone a few seats away having a very loud conversation on their phone (either on speakerphone or FaceTime) and I joined in with their conversation. The person on the phone stopped talking and looked at me with a how dare you expression on their face. I said, I’m sorry, I misunderstood. I thought you wanted to include everyone in your conversation. A couple of people laughed/smiled and the loud person on the phone lowered her volume. 😁

I don’t usually do stuff like that but I was in a bit of a joking smart arse mood.

Cazareeto1 · 07/10/2022 15:48

I’m with you on the public transport. I have 3 kids one, my youngest DS is severely autistic and he uses a additional needs buggy for his safety. Which was given via disability social work. I’m sick of people using the one carriage that has a small space on the train for disabled people.. why do people feel the need to sit at this very small space for wheelchairs and disability buggy’s… the one carriage on the one door has the disabled badge, please don’t use this space unless you are disabled. I am sick of people having something to say and I’m sick of pointing out that it is in fact for disabled people… the very small space considering the space of non disabled people.. sorry rant over

Original poster
AboutTheYoungIdea · 07/10/2022 16:06

I should probably have put the neighbours at the top of the list as they are the biggest problem - it does make me more aware of thoughtless behaviour in other people than I might normally be.

The Mumsnet capitalisation point was tongue in cheek although it does annoy me - how can such a big site not be able to do something so basic 🤦🏻

OP posts:
Original poster
AboutTheYoungIdea · 07/10/2022 16:07

Ultimately wasting this much energy on things you can't control isn't going to be supportive to your life. You shouldn't routinely have to tolerate antisocial behaviour but it might be worth doing a bit of work to figure out why these things get under your skin as much as they do.

This is why I posted because it feels wrong to be so wound up about really fairly trivial stuff - I dont know the answer though.

OP posts:
mollymole999 · 07/10/2022 16:11

U sound like a total drama llama who needs to get a life

girlmom21 · 07/10/2022 16:16

People refusing to tidy up after themselves in the kitchen at work is my absolute bugbear because they think they're too important and the lowly cleaner (that's not me) will do it, so I always clear up whatever mess is in there when I go in in the hope that people are less inclined to leave a mess if it's clean when they first use it.

Original poster
AboutTheYoungIdea · 07/10/2022 16:39

@mollymole999 thanks for that insightful comment, people who talk in text speak and use cringy expressions like 'drama llama' also piss me off

OP posts:
CoveredInCobwebs · 07/10/2022 16:47

Litter is the one that gets me me, OP.
People throwing litter out of their car, and litter in the hills - if you’ve hiked all that way to enjoy a beautiful spot then WHY spoil it for others by leaving your waste there? I just don’t understand it.
Anyway. I’m usually pretty good at not letting that stuff bother me too much now but I think the neighbour one is very hard and yes probably why everything else is bothering you so much - because you’re already on edge.