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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Husband messing with my head

37 replies

Montana1612 · 07/10/2022 11:24

My husband keeps changing his mind on an almost weekly basis at the moment as to whether he wants to stay married to me. For a few days he’ll be very loving and then he’ll be uninterested and distant and then go back to being loving. When I try to get to the bottom of his behaviour he is very vague and just says he loves me but sometimes has doubts as to whether I’m the right person for him (I don’t understand why though as when he’s not behaving like this we get along so well and have a lot in common and great chemistry).
I spoke to him a couple of weeks ago and told him how his behaviour was destroying my mental health and the uncertainty was awful to live with. He was very apologetic and told me he never wants us to split up as he’s realised he does love me more than anything. Things seemed to be finally getting back on track and he was making a big effort to be consistent. Fast forward to last night where out the blue he said he wants to divorce again.

I don’t really know why I’m posting as I already know what I need to do which is to leave him before he destroys my self esteem completely.I’m starting to think he is interested in someone else and can’t decide between us. Has anyone ever been through anything similar?
why does life have to be so difficult sometimes 😞?!

OP posts:

BitOutOfPractice · 07/10/2022 12:42

If you have a wobble, read @extrasushiplease EXCELLENT post.

If there's not something going on already with the work woman, there wil be soon.

Take control of your life and destiny. I guarantee that your mental health will benefit from it.

PinkiOcelot · 07/10/2022 12:45

I know it’s hard and you don’t want your marriage to end, but you can’t go on like this. Take back the control from him and tell him to go!

DeclineandFall · 07/10/2022 12:46

He's trying to get you to end it so he won't be the baddie. Its a simple as that. He can then swan off with his new woman and pretend he's done nothing wrong. He's a weak sad man. Give him what he wants but make sure he knows its his fault.

Aquamarine1029 · 07/10/2022 12:46

Fucking hell, stop being such a doormat for this fuckwit of a man to wipe his feet on.

Take control and get rid of him right now. No more talking, no more listening to the drivel coming out of his mouth. He's enjoying himself fucking you around like this, it's a perverse ego boost thinking he has you wrapped around his finger. Stop tolerating this.

Newusernameaug · 07/10/2022 12:49

The way I would see it and reason with myself is this is clearly never going to work out long term - how can it after how he’s behaving? Therefore the longer you stay, the longer you have to suffer and the more your mental health will suffer - the quicker you get out the quicker you can begin to heal.

sorry he’s being such a horrible twat to you

Novum · 07/10/2022 12:52

You know you need to tell him that if this doesn't stop you are taking the decision for him, because you don't want to stay married to someone who doesn't care about your wellbeing and mental health.

WoopsIdiditagain1 · 07/10/2022 12:57

You need to priorities yourself and your mental health over the relationship. I think you would also benefit from counselling.

Travellingwomble · 07/10/2022 13:10

Get your financial ducks in a row ..NOW. Speak to a solicitor and ensure he cant mess you over. Then surprise him.... put all of his clothes in a black bin liner and leave it at the front door. Tell him you've thought about it and decided to reject his kind offer of putting up with his shit. If he doesn't feel he wants to stay with you then you are making his mind up for him. Tell him you'll be in touch about a divorce but you'd like no contact until absolutely necessary as you've had enough of his fannying about.

No-one deserves his kind of shit.

kateElie · 08/10/2022 03:31

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

monkeyupsidedown · 08/10/2022 03:39

I had the same. There was another woman. They had a child a year after.

WonderingWanda · 08/10/2022 06:18

don’t really know why I’m posting as I already know what I need to do which is to leave him before he destroys my self esteem completely.I’m starting to think he is interested in someone else and can’t decide between us. Has anyone ever been through anything similar?

Do it op, take back the power and leave him. You will feel so much better and can start planning your exciting new future without this weight around your neck.

SuperSange · 08/10/2022 07:12

It's not just his decision. You can make decisions too; he's abusing you, you can end it. You don't need his permission.

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