To think it would be nice to be thanked

[Floralpaisley]

Possibly I am being unreasonable here. But would be interested in views.

I do pretty much all the care for our toddler, I think I do a reasonably good job. Do you think DH should offer some ‘praise’ or some thanks / appreciation sometimes? It isn’t so much that he is rude or anything but I feel like it would be nice to hear ‘it looks like she had a great time, thanks for taking her’ sometimes?

I’d feel really weird being thanked for parenting my own child personally.

Did you not want a child?

Do you thank him for going to work out of interest?

I’ve never expected or wanted to be thanked for parenting my children by their dad. Appreciated yes, but not thanked.

Odd idea.

Absolutely I wanted children. But I do work really hard when I have DD, and it would be nice for it to be acknowledged that I’m doing a lot.

I do show appreciation for DHs hard work, which may not translate as literally as ‘thank you for going to work’ but he does know I’m grateful for the things he does do for us.

Mmmm I don’t know, DH is one who seems to court praise and I find it really needy. Especially as I just get on with things. I’ve said not going to do him a bloody sticker chart for him for finally getting around to fitting the cupboard locks that have been sitting on the side for three sodding weeks.

I think showing appreciation in both sides is nice, a cup of coffee, their favourite chocolate bar, things like that. But actively verbalising praise no.

Your DH should really action his appreciation for you into taking on more tasks with regards to your child if you do everything. He probably takes it for granted.

I look after three toddlers all day and I definitely get thanked!
However I'm a childminder so I'm paid to do it!😂
Looking after your own child and you want DH to thank you 😂😂😂

I don’t really know why you find it funny, sorry?

I don’t just ‘look after’ her, I spend a lot of time (and money, sometimes!j on ensuring that she’s happy and healthy. Some appreciation for that would be good, or acknowledgement I am doing a good job I suppose.

It would be nice if you both showed your appreciation for the different but equally important roles the two of you have chosen. Presumably your DD benefits from both, though she can’t know her dad very well if he doesn’t spend time with her.

The example you give is odd, you decide where you take her, you get to enjoy it as well, or at least enjoy her enjoyment of it, why would he thank you for that? Do you thank him for paying for it if it cost money to go to?

If he didn’t have you he’d have to pay for childcare. If you didn’t have him you’d have to earn the money that pays for your clothes, food, housing etc.

My DH and I thank each other all the time. Thank you for making dinner, it's lovely. Thank you for taking DS to the park, i had a nice rest. Thanks for driving me to work etc. YANBU at all.

That's the basic requirement of parenting.

I found going from a lifetime of external validation from grades, to performance reviews to salary. To being a sahp and suddenly nothing really difficult. I didn't realise how much I relied on external validation. And obvs it's not DH's place to provide it. But as time has gone on I've gotten better at internal validation. I also do know dh appreciates everything I do and that he thinks I'm doing a good job. But I don't need to hear it anymore- I know it myself (that I'm doing a good job) and that's enough now.

I don't think it's a weird thing to want at all. Esp if it's your main role.

My husband often shows appreciation for me looking after our toddler and I, in turn, appreciate it!

But we are very different to a lot of the opinions I see on here and do thank each other quite a lot, even for small things. We're happy, it works, it's nice.

I understand what you're saying!

or acknowledgement I am doing a good job I suppose.

I think you could get that from how happy and healthy your child is. Or a lot of people get it from posting stuff on FB and wait for the likes and comments.

I know what you mean, sorry people have been so rude to you. I think you just want to be appreciated for all of your effort you put into raising DC, it can feel a bit thankless and like your taken for granted.

I'd just have a conversation with your DH, I'm sure he does appreciate you but ask him to be a bit more vocal with it?

But ensuring your DD is happy and healthy is all part and parcel of looking after her. I look after my 12 month and 2 year old grandsons for 3O hours per week and I should perhaps be thanked for this more often than I am, but you are the mother. Seeing your child happy and healthy is surely reward enough?

Ok if you need that validation from your DH why don't you just tell him?
"Oh DH I took DD to the zoo today and we had an amazing time, she loved it, I bet it makes you so happy that I'm providing such happy memories for our lovely dd?...doesn't it??"
Something like that?

I think everyone wants to feel appreciated. What happens if you boast about what you’ve done?

What? You want to be thanked for looking after your own child😌

"I do show appreciation for DHs hard work, which may not translate as literally as ‘thank you for going to work’ but he does know I’m grateful for the things he does do for us."

Does he know that? Or do you assume he knows because you think you show appreciation? I'd assume he thinks the same, he shows his appreciation and you'll just know?

Obvious comments of praise would be weird imo - why do you need your husband to praise you verbally for raising your child?

Wtf 🤣 never thought about it in my 13 years of parenting but now you mention it yeah I'd like a thanks too. Not likely going to get one off the ex though and I have them full time!

I guess it’s more I feel a bit like I’m doing it alone, some appreciation would make me feel I wasn’t, that what I was doing was noticed and acknowledged.

I mean, people are making disparaging comments about appreciation for raising my own child, but if someone makes you dinner, don’t you say thank you and that it’s nice, tasty, even if they are eating it as well? For example?

I understand you OP.

My DH does do this and it is really nice, so I agree that you’re perfectly reasonable to want the thought/effort/time noticed.

It’s not that I begrudge what I do for kids, it’s about the fact that family life is nicer than it would otherwise be (without the time/mental energy/emotional considerations/organising/planning/life admin).

it’s TOTALLY reasonable to not want all that taken for granted!

My DH and I thank each other for a particularly long shift with the kids or if one of us did something extra special with them. So no, I don't think it's a weird concept.