To think it would be nice to be thanked

[Floralpaisley]

Possibly I am being unreasonable here. But would be interested in views.

I do pretty much all the care for our toddler, I think I do a reasonably good job. Do you think DH should offer some ‘praise’ or some thanks / appreciation sometimes? It isn’t so much that he is rude or anything but I feel like it would be nice to hear ‘it looks like she had a great time, thanks for taking her’ sometimes?

I wouldn't want thanks in some formal way, but I do appreciate my DH and he does appreciate me, and we express that verbally by saying 'I think it is brilliant you did x' or 'you're so good at y'.

Thanks @Pilotlite . I’m grateful someone has responded to me without ridicule. I don’t really mind nicely being told I’m being unreasonable but it’s quite horrible being mocked.

@JustAJokeLikeOnTopGear same, and I guess it would be nice to have it in reverse. I doubt anything is meant by it. I think I do get taken for granted, not in a bad way exactly even!

I get it. I am married to a tenant farmer. He is never here. Never.

We had our local show recently and I was sorting and stewarding and had kids.

He was sorting the sheep and I heard someone say, you have wonderful children, so polite and mannered. He said

Well whilst I would like to take credit that's all my wife. She does it, I turn up occasionally.

I burst into tears. He's a good, loyal, kind man, but works to the bone.

That acknowledgment made me fall in love all over again

but if someone makes you dinner, don’t you say thank you and that it’s nice, tasty, even if they are eating it as well? For example?

That's not a similar comparison though. Thanks to a friend/server/family for cooking dinner is basic manners.

Thanking a mother for looking after her own child is odd.

I thank my parents when they look after my DC. I don't thank my DP for looking after his child. I appreciate everything he does. But thanking him after every child related task would be monotonous.

That’s so lovely @sheepandcaravan

I don’t want DH to thank me after every child related task either.

I get what you mean, my favourite compliment is one DH gives me every now and then (usually when one of our teen DDs is having an existential crisis and I've spent a couple of hours talking them down!) is "You're a really good Mum". Hearing that makes it feel like I'm doing a good job, and since it's the most important one I'll ever do, it's important to me that I do it well - and who doesn't like a little pat on the back every now and then?!

Isn't going out and doing things part of being a parent? You shouldn't need a thank you for spending time with your child.

I'd never expect a 'thank you' from my husband. In fact I think it would be awkward!

He says 'oh looks like he had a good day out 'etc, but not a thank you!

It's not a chore for me I enjoy taking him out and doing things with him so I don't need or want a thank you.

It is really nice when you hear it, and it makes the hard stuff so much easier!

@eatsleeprepeat123 sure and when I’m at work I get paid for doing my job but it’s just so so SO much nicer when someone thanks you or shows appreciation in some way.

I think wanting ‘thanks’ is a bit…I don’t want to say odd, as that sounds like I’m mocking you and I’m not.

Appreciation and praise, on the other hand, I completely understand wanting and I think you should receive. So, ‘it looks like she had a great time, it was a really good idea to take her to XX, you are really creative about getting them out and about’ or similar.

It sounds like one of your love languages is words of affirmation. Tell your DH that’s how you feel loved and appreciated. Some people like favours from their DH, some like gifts, some like words of affirmation. We aren’t all the same.

I do interchange appreciated, acknowledged, with thanks in the OP. Showing thanks doesn’t always mean saying thank you, I mean, that’s the obvious way of course but if you say ‘that dinner was delicious, the chicken was gorgeous, so you have the recipe?’ That is showing thanks as much as thank you.

I think you want acknowledgement rather than gratitude op.

It the reason l got a job - my boss is always saying thank you to me and says l do a great job. Just don't get that at home but l think as humans we need it sometimes.

We always thanks the other one. Thanks for letting me have a lie in. Child A really enjoyed that activity you did with them. Thanks for doing bathtime. Thanks for emptying the dishwasher.

It's a little gesture that goes a long way. Parenting can be a big long hard slog at times and these little boosts remind us that we are doing an important job.

I don’t think those terms are interchangeable, no.

You thank someone for doing something for you. It’s a quite specific expression of gratitude. You’re not looking after your kids for him. It’s not a favour. You’re doing so because they are your kids, much like he doesn’t pay for the kids’ things as a favour to you. You should acknowledge each other’s contributions and appreciate them, praise them, even. But, I don’t think thanks would be appropriate.

OP, I totally understand what you mean! Of course you don’t mean that you want your husband to return from work and literally say the words “thank you for looking after our child” but you want acknowledgement of how hard you work and the effort you put in which is completely understandable.
There’s caring for a child, in terms of providing food, safety and love. Then there is actively seeking learning opportunities, new experiences and putting real thought and time into what you get up to. (I don’t do this every day I admit!). It’s nice when I’ve done something with my son and my husband comments on how lovely it was or that is was a good idea. I think that’s the “thanks”.

Yanbu. Posters are being snide. It's natural to want to feel what you are doing for DC to be acknowledged. I get it.