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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not feel comfortable with friends’ DS picking up DC

48 replies

vv11vv · 06/10/2022 17:55

My DD has just started reception, my friends youngest also has and they're in the same class. I pick up her son once a week and she picks mine up, I picked him up today and messaged her and asked if she can pick DD up tomorrow as I have an appointment, she said her DS(18) is going to pick up his brother and she can ask him to pick up DD as well.

I don't really feel comfortable with this as she's never met him and it’d mean her being with someone she doesn't know. DH said I'm overreacting and it'll be fine.

AIBU?

OP posts:
Hellodarknessmyoldpal · 06/10/2022 18:03

If you are uncomfortable with it then you can just ask someone else to pick her up. I don't think anyone can tell you if you are or are not U as you are uncomfortable with the idea. If it was just a short appointment I would probably be fine with it.

Original poster
vv11vv · 06/10/2022 18:13

I'm just looking for other peoples opinions

OP posts:
Mrsphilmiller · 06/10/2022 18:14

Yes, I would be uncomfortable with this too.

TwoTimTams · 06/10/2022 18:15

YABU

Heyahun · 06/10/2022 18:16

I’d be fine with it

but if you aren’t then find someone else I guess

littlefireseverywhere · 06/10/2022 18:18

It’s your issue not hers! I'd offer to pay the 18 year old too, if you do it.

bluesky45 · 06/10/2022 18:20

I'd be uncomfortable with it but not because I didn't trust the son, more because my DC didn't know them and wouldn't be happy and comfortable going home with someone they didn't know. Maybe if you aren't happy with it just say "oh thanks but DC wouldn't like going home with someone they haven't met before, I'll get x to pick them up instead" then it isn't suggesting anything untoward about the son.

SunsetGun · 06/10/2022 18:22

I wouldn’t be comfortable either. Especially if he were driving the children home.

isittheholidaysyet · 06/10/2022 18:24

Totally up to you to be fine with it, or to not be fine with it and make a different arrangement.

I would be fine with it.
My nephew from the age of 16 would often pick his brother up from school, bring him home, feed him and generally look after him.
My nephew enjoyed the banter with the school parents and the brothers enjoyed being alone together.

How old would you need someone to be to babysit whilst you went on a night out?

TheSmallAssassin · 06/10/2022 18:26

I wouldn't like it either, not because I wouldn't trust him, but because I think it's a confusing message to send a small child when you are probably also teaching them about stranger danger - "Don't go off with someone you don't know, except this time".

PuttingDownRoots · 06/10/2022 18:26

Has your DD met your friends DS? If he's often there when your friend has him, it is different to a complete stranger.

Oneandone · 06/10/2022 18:26

I think it depends on the personality of your child, my son wouldn't like it at all but another child of his age might not bat an eyelid.

Original poster
vv11vv · 06/10/2022 18:31

They'd be walking which isn't a problem as it's just a short walk, he'd then have give her dinner and watch her for about an hour and half/2 hours. DD may have seen him briefly but he's usually out when my friend takes her back to hers after school.

OP posts:
thepriceoffish · 06/10/2022 18:33

Other people's opinions are irrelevant here. It is completely up to you.

howshouldibehave · 06/10/2022 18:34

No, it wouldn’t bother me. If it bothers you though, you’ll need to make alternative plans.

HighlandPony · 06/10/2022 18:35

I’d be fine with it. But I live in a tiny place where everyone knows each other so it would be hard for me to say otherwise

NotAHouse · 06/10/2022 18:36

I wouldn't be comfortable with it.

RonnieMcdonnie · 06/10/2022 18:37

Wouldn’t bother me

catinboots123 · 06/10/2022 18:38

Why are you all saying you would t be comfortable with it? Is it because of his age?

Hillrunning · 06/10/2022 18:41

As long as you were sure she as asked DS and he is confident managing two of them I don't see the issue

MolliciousIntent · 06/10/2022 18:42

catinboots123 · 06/10/2022 18:38

Why are you all saying you would t be comfortable with it? Is it because of his age?

No, it's because the child has never met this young man before.

FlissyPaps · 06/10/2022 18:42

catinboots123 · 06/10/2022 18:38

Why are you all saying you would t be comfortable with it? Is it because of his age?

For me, I wouldn’t feel comfortable as I wouldn’t want my DD to feel scared or unfamiliar with a complete stranger. Nothing to do with his age. It’s actually a very kind thing for the DS to do and offer.

I’d be telling my friend “Thank you very much for the kind offer and send thanks to your DS, but I’ll arrange for a family member to collect DD”.

HeythereDelilah101 · 06/10/2022 18:45

My daughter is a bit older, year 4, but often her friends older sister 19 picks them both up, I’m fine with it, but I guess if you feel uncomfortable then you will have to sort something else.

fdkc · 06/10/2022 18:53

I can't believe most people are fine with this. Your child is what 4 or 5 and you want her to go home with a strange man and let him mind her for an hour or two?

I have an almost 5 year old DD and she would not like this at all, actually she would be petrified. Maybe it's just her and another child would be ok with it. Only you know your child but you said you are unsure about it and I would go with your gut.

BadNomad · 06/10/2022 18:56

Have you taught your child about strangers? At her age, she should know not to go with someone she doesn't know.