To not feel comfortable with friends’ DS picking up DC

[vv11vv]

My DD has just started reception, my friends youngest also has and they're in the same class. I pick up her son once a week and she picks mine up, I picked him up today and messaged her and asked if she can pick DD up tomorrow as I have an appointment, she said her DS(18) is going to pick up his brother and she can ask him to pick up DD as well.

I don't really feel comfortable with this as she's never met him and it’d mean her being with someone she doesn't know. DH said I'm overreacting and it'll be fine.

AIBU?

[Shinyandnew1]

I’m presuming you’ve decided by now, @vv11vv . Who picked up your child today?

[Oriunda]

No. It’s not just picking up from school, is it? It’s collecting from school and then up to 2 hours childcare.

Age of the son is irrelevant; he is a total stranger to your child. You cannot expect her to go home with a stranger. It’s not a good lesson to teach her, either.

[MolliciousIntent]

@Dartmoorcheffy

But the brother isn't a stranger to the other child that will be there.

I don't really think that will make a difference to OPs 4yr old though...

[Dartmoorcheffy]

But the brother isn't a stranger to the other child that will be there.

[MolliciousIntent]

@uiyo7987

@MolliciousIntent well around where we live - children only ever get picked up by nannies and au pairs. I dont really know them - however, in my part of London it is totally normal for a parent to say Katie (nanny) will pick up... and they can have a playdate at ours. Frankly seeing as I dont really pick up my own kid, I have no idea who Katie is..but we assume that a nanny employed by a friend is reliable. What else you going to do when everyone works long hours and is never at pick up.

That's a bit lax to me, I'm sorry. I don't send my small children off with people they've never met - I teach them that they should never go with a stranger, so arranging for strangers to pick them up would just be stupid.

[MrsSkylerWhite]

I’d want anyone to have a bit more driving experience so YANBU.

[uiyo7987]

@MolliciousIntent well around where we live - children only ever get picked up by nannies and au pairs. I dont really know them - however, in my part of London it is totally normal for a parent to say Katie (nanny) will pick up... and they can have a playdate at ours. Frankly seeing as I dont really pick up my own kid, I have no idea who Katie is..but we assume that a nanny employed by a friend is reliable. What else you going to do when everyone works long hours and is never at pick up.

[Sunnyqueen]

Well only you know your friends son and how responsible he is, we dont. But generally when i think of the 18 year olds i know i wouldnt have a problem with it so on that basis, unless hes particularly immature you may be being a bit precious. If you really don't feel comfortable I'd just say 'don't worry, sorted it now but thanks!'

[MolliciousIntent]

@uiyo7987

I wouldnthave a problem with this. Would people have a problem if this was a teenage girl? Or say a male au pair age 19? Both examples of people who have picked up my kids to take them to friend's houses. Around here most people have an au pair or a nanny i.e. parents dont often pick their kids after school so am sort of used to it

The OP clearly states that her issue is that her daughter doesn't know the guy, has never met the guy, and that she isn't comfortable leaving her child with a stranger. Which is pretty standard.

It's actually a bit weird that you wouldn't have a problem with leaving your very young child with a stranger.

[uiyo7987]

I wouldnthave a problem with this. Would people have a problem if this was a teenage girl? Or say a male au pair age 19? Both examples of people who have picked up my kids to take them to friend's houses. Around here most people have an au pair or a nanny i.e. parents dont often pick their kids after school so am sort of used to it

[Oblomov22]

Wouldn't bother me. If it bothers you then You'll have to make alternative childcare arrangements.

[HotWashCycle]

Wouldn't it be very confusing for your DD, OP? It must go against everything you have taught her or will teach her, to be picked up by someone she does not know.

[Obki]

I wouldn’t be happy with this. Too many reports of young men abusing young girls, even teenagers like this man.

Trust your instincts, OP.

[Noellu]

Would you feel the same if it was a female not male?

[KylieCharlene]

I'd not be happy with the arrangement.
She doesn't know him.

Would the school even allow her to go with him?
I'm only guessing here but can't imagine they'd think it a good idea either somehow.

[bewarethetides]

I'd be fine with it.

[autumnboys]

My 18yo son is a Scout leader in training, first aid qualified, has a job where he works with kids quite a bit. However, I would have been uncertain about this when he was in reception. It’s a shame you don’t know the young man a bit already because it could be a great set up and he might be pleased to have someone for his sister to play with so he doesn’t have to.

[Butitsnotfunnyisititsserious]

Absolutely not no that's taking the biscuit.

Well not really. OP has asked for a favour, clearly the friend can't do it but has offered an alternative. I'm guessing the time he'd look after OP child is because OP has this appointment.

[Butitsnotfunnyisititsserious]

If it was my friends son I would be alright with it. Albeit you're not, so you'll have to move your appointment and pick your child up yourself.

[EveryFlightBeginsWithAFall]

Depends if my child would be OK with it

[KeepOutingMyselfAnotherNameChange]

@vv11vv

They'd be walking which isn't a problem as it's just a short walk, he'd then have give her dinner and watch her for about an hour and half/2 hours. DD may have seen him briefly but he's usually out when my friend takes her back to hers after school.

Hadn't read this. Absolutely not no that's taking the biscuit.

[KeepOutingMyselfAnotherNameChange]

Think you should do pick up yourself op. The young man isn't going to be thrilled collecting your child along with their sibling. Nice of mum to offer but that would be a no. Couldn't think of anything worse as a teen.

[OneDayAtATimePlease]

My daughter has always been wary of strangers, so I'd only agree to this if she knew the older sibling herself and was happy to be collected and looked after by them.

With my eldest who is far more chilled I'd have gone by how well I knew the family and their style of parenting.

Basically a gut instinct on yes or no.

[BadNomad]

Have you taught your child about strangers? At her age, she should know not to go with someone she doesn't know.

[fdkc]

I can't believe most people are fine with this. Your child is what 4 or 5 and you want her to go home with a strange man and let him mind her for an hour or two?

I have an almost 5 year old DD and she would not like this at all, actually she would be petrified. Maybe it's just her and another child would be ok with it. Only you know your child but you said you are unsure about it and I would go with your gut.