AIBU - Mum visiting SIL instead of me/new baby

[BoogalooBoo]

I’ll try to keep it short but I’ll give a bit of background.

I am pregnant with 1st baby – due on NYE. I have 2 older brothers who are married and have kids (ages 6 and downward). So this will be baby no. 5 in the family. One brother and family live in same hometown as my parents and see them all the time/have had free childcare for the last 6 years. Our parents separated decades ago, so they’re very much free agents and don’t do anything together so my dad doesn't really feature here. Other brother has lived with his family in Dubai for about 3 years. I moved to Ireland 5 years ago to work as a single 30-something, got married 2 years ago and now here we are expecting baby.

I am close to my mum and we have talked since I got pregnant about her staying with us for Christmas/NYE for when baby arrives, and so I’d just assumed this was happening.

SIL in Dubai has a tendency to moan about people not visiting (her own family have never been to Dubai or met their children) and I get that she can feel a bit lonely and cut off. But now it transpires that she’s been putting pressure on my mum to go over for Christmas. The way my mum is talking it sounds like she’s considering it and she’ll come to Ireland to visit me in January/February ‘after things have calmed down’.

Now, I don’t really give a hoot about who is where for Christmas day or NYE, but I’m having a baby this year (and may never again because I am high-risk). So what if something happens/complications/emergencies during my late pregnancy/labour and mum is over sunning herself on a beach in Dubai all because of pressure from my SIL?!

AIBU to feel jilted? I only found out a few days ago but it’s been starting to build up from mild disappointment/acceptance to feeling quite upset today.

What?! I can't believe the pps. I am 100% on your side on this OP. I'd want my mum with me for my first birth and Christmas at that. The Dubai SIL can go visit others if she is so lonely.

Actually I referenced both.

I can see why you wouldn't want your dad in labour (though I would want neither of my parents) but the OP pretty much said "my parents are divorced so my dad isn't relevant" not "I don't want my dad there because he is male". That seemed like a weird comment. Still does actually - she had now said it's because he is frail which makes sense but I don't really get why she said otherwise to begin with

"At the behest of her DIL"

You really don't like your SIL much, do you?!

I think it's more that the OP is one of those women who think their mum should automatically be all about them and their children not their brother's.

Ohh we're due the same day!

That aside, I can see why you'd feel hurt though.

Your mum is spending Christmas with the grandchildren she doesn't see very much. You need to get used to this because it is only going to get worse, she can't be in more than one place at once and is about to have 3 sets of grandchildren to share herself between.

I don't understand why you blame SIL yet won't assign any blame to your DB.

It sounds like you and your mum are close. Would it help to tell her you feel like this?

Although I much agree with previous posters, baby could come anytime, even
a “normal term birth” could be 37-42 weeks. First babies are often late, you could all be sitting around ages waiting for baby. Personally I wouldn’t have wanted my parents around for labour/late pregnancy. Would have liked to sleep/move around/eat crap/watched telly as I pleased and not worry about anybody else. And newborns mostly sleep and eat, so you would like someone to cook/do housework/bring drinks but if DH is off then that can be him. The most valuable time if you’d like a bit of help and company is probably when DH goes back to work.

When I read the initial post I thought this was going to be a second baby and you were worried about childcare for the first.

@BoogalooBoo hope baby arrives safely. What did your mum end up doing?