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AIBU - Is if the neighbours dog or my autism?

34 replies

MindTalks · 06/10/2022 10:00


I’m sat on the floor in one of my rooms to the back of my house to escape my neighbours dog. I currently work from home and have done for over a year now, but my ears cannot cope with my neighbours dog!

But I have autism and struggle very much with noises and my neighbours love a bit of noise 😅 They’ve been putting in a new kitchen for the past 6 months on/ off which I’m hoping has now stopped. They used to give updates but this stopped a few months ago. I feel a bit trapped though as if it hasn’t been building noise it’s been the dog barking/ howling. Especially as I don’t have an office based job where I can leave for most the day.

Maybe around a year ago I asked for the dog not to be left by the party wall, which the neighbour did so so but recently they’ve started leaving him by the shared walls again. The dog is a collie and neighbours have told me he’s very anxious, barking is typically a few mins every half an hour? On howling days he can be howling for hours at a time. He’s a collie and he’s left at home alone between the hours of 8:30 to 5:30, I feel really sorry for him as he must be bored/ lonely.

I’m thinking of asking the neighbours again to not leave him by the party wall, but I don’t know if I’m being over sensitive due to my autism? Especially on the barking days where it’s around every half an hour.

I was diagnosed with autism a year ago and I’ve really started to see recently how painful I find nosies. I do have noise cancelling headphones which I try to wear often, but some days it’s not always practical.

OP posts:

Am I being unreasonable?

129 votes. Final results.

You are being unreasonable
You are NOT being unreasonable
waterrat · 06/10/2022 10:02

Having a dog howling all day is unacceptable OP. Im sorry they sound really inconsiderate neighbours.

Barking a bit on and off ia probably in the realms of normal household noise.

OhmygodDont · 06/10/2022 10:02

If the dog is barking for a few minutes roughly every 30 minutes and you’ve previously mentioned it. Honestly I’d just go straight to reporting a noise complaint.

LT2 · 06/10/2022 10:02

YANBU - anyone would find that noise irritating. That is also too long for the dog to be left.

BlibBlabBlob · 06/10/2022 10:07

Also autistic, also constantly assaulted by the sound of a neighbour's barking dog. (This one is left in the garden for hours on end without any apparent human contact.)

I reported to the dog warden and the barking isn't quite as constant anymore. I still don't get why the dog is outside with nobody trying to do anything about the barking. The back door is open, presumably owner is inside, but dog doesn't go in to find them and owner doesn't come outside to check on dog.

It's not just noise sensitivity, although I totally get that. It's an animal welfare issue, which is something many autistic people find really really hard to cope with.

We also have a neighbour who's very fond of noisy DIY, it was almost constant during the COVID-19 lockdowns. It bothered me, especially as I was WFH at the time, but not nearly as much as the noise of this poor dog with its cries going unanswered.

If your neighbour's dog is being left completely unattended for nine hours a day, that is neglect. No wonder you're finding it unbearable.

Whiskeypowers · 06/10/2022 10:13

They’ve got a collie and leave it alone without any company or exercise all day?
doing that to any dog is awful though

exceptionally stupid and cruel not to mention utterly ignorant of neighbours etc

Snoken · 06/10/2022 10:25

I would probably call RSPCA, it's not OK to leave a dog in distress for a full day. It is clearly suffering from anxiety and it needs to be taken cared of.

OhmygodDont · 06/10/2022 10:26

Snoken · 06/10/2022 10:25

I would probably call RSPCA, it's not OK to leave a dog in distress for a full day. It is clearly suffering from anxiety and it needs to be taken cared of.

The rspca won’t do anything. As long as the dog has food, water and shelter they will consider it fine.

PuttingDownRoots · 06/10/2022 10:30

Poor dog.

But I think most people would be driven a bit mad by a constantly howling dog

Snoken · 06/10/2022 10:43

OhmygodDont · 06/10/2022 10:26

The rspca won’t do anything. As long as the dog has food, water and shelter they will consider it fine.

That's a shame. You would think neglected dogs should be their priority. In that case get on to the council.

Deguster · 06/10/2022 10:46

Nothing to do with your ASC love. That’s awful for you and the dog. Do you have ear defenders?

Sadly agree with above about RSPCA.

Collies do seem a rather anxious (ie bark-y) breed.

MindTalks · 06/10/2022 13:49

Hi all,

Thanks so much for your responses it’s such a relief to feel it’s not me.

I do feel so sorry for him he has such a horrible life, they don’t always walk him and when they do it’s for 10-15 minutes at a time. As they walk him when I start waiting for my ds1 to be collected for school. I’ve tried to say he sounds unhappy and I tried reaching out from guidance from the RSPCA, but as already mentioned because he has a home they see no issue. I feel a lot of anger towards them for their cruelness and ignorance, they know he’s unhappy and unfortunately they’ve shown they’re self centred.

I really worry about going to the council as I’m worry because I don’t get nice vibes from them, that they will turn spiteful and worry what else may happen. I don’t know why but I do feel really panicked about it, but I do feel extremely stuck

OP posts:
MindTalks · 06/10/2022 13:52

Yes my DH thankfully brought me some great noise cancelling headphones and I have my sons ear defenders too. But sometimes after a few hours I start getting irritated by them being on, it’s hard to explain I frequently need breaks and here without them. But then I’m sat worrying when the next noise will be as it’s so loud it’s like the building/ barking is in my house

OP posts:
mamabear715 · 06/10/2022 14:03

It's NOT just you, it would drive me to (almost) murder.. and you're right about the dog, assuming it's a border collie, I'm used to the breed & they are working dogs & need to RUN.. they are also HIGHLY intelligent & boredom & lack of human contact is probably driving the poor thing literally crazy.. :-(

pilates · 06/10/2022 14:51

That sounds rubbish for you and heartbreaking for the dog. Sorry I don’t know what you can do if RSPCA are not interested.

pilates · 06/10/2022 14:52

And it’s not you!

SarahSissons · 06/10/2022 15:01

RSPCA care about welfare, not noise complaints. Noise is done through the council. I’m not sure why you would be ok going to the RSPCA though but not the council- surely the outcome you are looking for is the same?

the council would want to see a noise diary to see if it is excessive and would then write a letter based on that. They might also go and do some spot checks to see that the noise you mention tallies up with what is happening. So if you say for example the dog barks every 30 minutes, they would see if they get a reading.

the thing to be aware of is if they are noisy people, are you actually hearing the dog as much as you think you are. It sounds odd, but my neighbours dog used to really irritate me with barking- because I was worried it would upset my dogs, and I thought they barked “all the time”, when I actually started to note it down it was probably only 3 or 4 times a day and it was other noises (that I couldn’t do anything about I was mentally adding to the count)

Idothiswhy · 06/10/2022 15:08

I once got a letter through my door from RSPCA because someone had reported that I had left my dog for a long period of time (I hadn't!) So it's possible they'll do something.

Hawkins001 · 06/10/2022 15:26

Sometimes I notice it's a mix of when and why dogs bark, sometimes it's also like they are alarms, whenever people go past ect it can set them off.

Hawkins001 · 06/10/2022 15:26

All the best and positivity op

2bazookas · 06/10/2022 15:27

If you're at home all day, why not offer to take the collie for walks, and have him round for company?

BamBamBilla · 06/10/2022 15:33

Not just you. RSPCA won't help the poor dog. I have the same situation with my neighbours. I've got a staffy on one side and a pointer and a greyhound on the other side aswell as 2 terriers in the house behind. Its barking all day long near me. I have earplugs or play white noise in earphones all day whilst I'm working from home.

JaNaJanice · 06/10/2022 15:47

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MindTalks · 06/10/2022 15:50

Good point re-outcome but for me I don’t see them as the same, RSPCA guidance wasn’t for noise it’s for his welfare to see how/ if I do much to help. Especially as neighbours admit they know he gets anxious/ stressed, it was more to see how to change his welfare than barking. But perhaps I’m being literal in my thinking and the council may help that, but as the focus is more noise than welfare I’m not confident.

I will keep a log that’s a useful idea thank you, as yes I am irritated by them as I have low opinion of them.

OP posts:
MindTalks · 06/10/2022 15:52

Neighbours openly describes him to be aggressive. My niece lives on the same road as us and he’s lunged while barking at her, has lunged for me and when walking past them before they’ve had to physically block him with their bodies from me. I’m very petite so I’m not confident I could control him. So I can’t help in the walk sense. I would definitely offer to have him round if I didn’t have 2 cats he’s not a fan of

OP posts:
JaNaJanice · 06/10/2022 16:05

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