If you want the divorce you can file for it!

[KensingtonStation]

H and I are separated. Initiated by him. He is currently working his way through the Script almost word perfectly. Friends and family want me to file for divorce. I don't want to get divorced, I want to reconcile.

AIBU to think that if you choose to walk out the family home and don't want to go home again, YOU should be the the one to push it forward, not expect your spouse who does not want the divorce to go against her wishes?

Yes, I should probably just bin him off and move on. Knob that he is being currently, he was my knob, and I miss him.

Does he want to reconcile?

Don't have around doing the pick me dance. I agree you shouldn't have to do the leg work in arranging the divorce, but it likely is going to be the easiest path to future happiness.

Why are your family and friends against reconciling? Are there practical reasons why a divorce is useful?

YANBU, but what is the financial situation? How would assets be divided?

You need a financial consent or clean break order as part of the divorce or he can come after your assets in the future.

You can’t stay in limbo forever, it will cost you big time.

Is he the prince who cheated on you and got the ow pg? If so, you should beat him to it.

Family and friends are against because they all think he is being too unkind to justify taking him back.

I admit to having spent months doing the pick me dance. I am now ignoring him, leaving him to it, and building a life without him, but would take him back if he wanted to come back.

Divorce is currently not in my best interests. All the legal/financial advice I have has is to sit tight and make him do it, if that is what he really wants.

AIBU to think that if you choose to walk out the family home and don't want to go home again, YOU should be the the one to push it forward, not expect your spouse who does not want the divorce to go against her wishes?

Is divorce beneficial to him?

He might not want to be with you, but that doesn't mean he wants the expense or hassle of divorce tight now.

Personally, even if I didn't want the divorce, I wouldn't like to be in limbo and would make thst clear to him, so you both know where you stand.

Yes 100% let him do it. Wouldn't even cross my mind to do otherwise. I think women need to start thinking of themselves more. The outrageous stories I read on here and my own experiences, men's selfishness holds no bounds a lot of the time.

Well it's no fault now so it can't be contested. But absolutely, if you don't want it then there's no reason for you to apply.

But if he applies the divorce will go through anyway whether you respond or not.

You don't have to divorce at all, ever. However it is recommended if you need to financially split or sell the house etc then divorce is the best option. If you are living your best life and financially okay then leave him to do it.

I had one of these. He cheated on me but couldn't understand why I wanted to divorce.

It was clear he was the one who wanted out (also went step by step through the script). I tried to make him instigate the proceedings. He just kept saying he didn't want to actually divorce (so just have affairs and me be ok with it!!!).

In the end I sorted it all. I couldn't bear to be married to him any longer. Despite his infidelity and clear want to be out of the marriage, he seemed to be very surprised I wanted a divorce.

I know I cannot stop it if he chooses to apply. But I think he is too spineless to do it and wants me to be the one to do it, so he can spin it to the kids.

Don't think the OW is pregnant. If she is, then that would probably trigger me to file.

My ex-h had moved on but was dragging his feet on a divorce. I didn't want to be tied to him any longer so filed for a divorce. The relief was amazing. Move on with your life OP.

Id have the opposite reaction. Id be making it as annoyingly hard work for them as possible.

What advice has been given wrt it being better for you financially if he files? How does that make any difference?

You'll probably find the longer you don't file the less comfortable life is.
It's possible he will run up large debts wining and dining the ow.
If she gets pregnant you and the children will get less of a split in the divorce.
I personally don't think it's a good idea to hold off from filing myself.

It isn't about if he files, it is that the longer he waits, the more he is piling into his pension and other investments that will then get split with me. And the longer I get to stay in my lovely home that I am likely to lose if we divorce.

Given that I want to reconcile with him, I am trying to balance to make sure that I protect my long term financial security assuming he does not come back, with the emotional turmoil it is causing. And in my mind, if he wants to unilaterally end our marriage, against my wishes, he should be the one driving it forward.

I am right behind you with a cynical financial approach.

But I’m sad for you, that your self worth is in the gutter and you want to reconcile.

I understand the view of your friends, but it’s not their decision.

Why would him fathering another child make you divorce him, but you won’t now? The existence of not of a pregnancy doesn’t change the behaviour.

Sure, make the cynical practical decision to take him back for the money (I’m not being sarcastic or critical, honestly!) but see that for what it is, not a “reconciliation”.

Op don't reconcile. It is going to damage and traumatize your kids to love that way.

Reading this morning about a woman after 27 years separation is concerned about her pension so considering divorce. The OW won't be happy though

So, this is the man who cheated on you, moved out with no notice over a year ago and hasn’t really seen his kids for large swathes of that time? This is who you want back? Why?

Pension would be split from date of separation not from date of divorce so there’s no financial benefit for you staying married. The house is another issue.

@Gensola that’s true under Scottish law, not so in England & Wales, and OP hasn’t said the jurisdiction.

Do you want to reconcile from a purely financial perspective or do you want your family back together? Has he given any indication of this happening?

Personally I'd just want rid.

I want to reconcile from the perspective of this being the man I have loved for over 20 years. I am not going to lay out all the background to how/why he moved out. I would take him back and live on peanuts.

But, if I have to divorce, I will absolutely protect myself and my kids as best I can. Other than leaving the house, he has made no moves to financially separate us.