Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Argument with DS1

30 replies

TheSummerHolidaysMakeMeCrazy · 05/10/2022 17:00

I really can't work out if I'm unreasonable here or my son was.

DS1 is 18 and lives at home while going to uni. He didn't have classes today so was playing on his PS5, I knocked the WiFi off while he was mid-game and he blew up. Telling me I don't listen (as I shouldn't have messed with the WiFi mid-game), really raising his voice so I told him not to talk to me like that and it was out of order. He then told me 3 times to "get out" [his room].

I then went downstairs and text him that I understood he was frustrated but he was not to talk to me like that. There was general back & forth but I said no matter what, he can't speak to me like that. He then said "I don't care", so I replied "you know where the door is".

So, he's gone, packed a bag and off to Leeds where his girlfriend is in halls.

He's stressed as he didn't do as well as expected in his A Levels and has to do an extended course to get onto his chosen degree. As it was through clearing he missed out on accommodation so he's feeling left behind.

But, how much leeway does he get for that. I'm kicking myself for the door comment but I can't allow him to speak like that, he's 18 fgs.

But i feel do guilty because of all the frustration and how scared he is, he just took it all out on me.

God that's long.

Was IBU?

OP posts:
DillyDilly · 05/10/2022 17:35

No, you weren’t unreasonable and your DS will be home in a day or two as he can’t stay in his girlfriend’s college room long term.

7Worfs · 05/10/2022 17:40

I play games and yes, it’s not nice to lose a game because of knocked rooter, but I’d never accept nerd rage in my house.
Stick to your guns.

MatildaTheCat · 05/10/2022 17:42

It’s a huff. Better he has it somewhere he can’t shout at you. Let us know when he’s back!

Overandunderit · 05/10/2022 17:42

He'll not be able to stay with his gf in halls indefinitely. He'll come around but make sure you don't sweep things under the rug because it got dramatic. Make sure he understands your house your rules and respect is earned both ways

He'll be telling people a half story about how you "kicked him out".

Untitledsquatboulder · 05/10/2022 17:43

Honestly, perhaps the door comment was best avoided but YWNBU to insist he treat you with respect.

It's a shame his A level results weren't what he wished but there's no relation bw that and shouting at you, and one-way required, not after the first few hours.

Untitledsquatboulder · 05/10/2022 17:44

One-way = leeway

lailamaria · 05/10/2022 17:44

i mean i get why he was frustrated, online games sometimes have a timer where you can't play if you quit mid game but he shouldn't have spoken to you like crap i think you're both at fault tbh him for speaking to you like that and you for making rash comments

Ponoka7 · 05/10/2022 17:51

Why were you in his room?

Blobblobblob · 05/10/2022 17:55

You were spot on, he's an adult and needs to conduct himself accordingly. Being a twat over a game is not acceptable, it's not like you interrupted a job interview and even then, behaviour like that is not a reasonable or proportionate response.

Keyansier · 05/10/2022 17:57

7Worfs · 05/10/2022 17:40

I play games and yes, it’s not nice to lose a game because of knocked rooter, but I’d never accept nerd rage in my house.
Stick to your guns.

I've recently had to seriously cut down time on a game after I started shouting and swearing at the screen Blush

Keyansier · 05/10/2022 17:58

oh and YANBU OP

Original poster
TheSummerHolidaysMakeMeCrazy · 05/10/2022 18:00

Thanks for the support, I appreciate the responses so far.

I was in his room discussing the WiFi not working in another room.

He's so stubborn I can see him not coming back until i apologise. I just can't see how to get him to understand he was the one in the wrong.

OP posts:
Maray1967 · 05/10/2022 18:07

What? You must not apologise! I have two DSs - if mine spoke to me like that they’d be in massive trouble.
He is unlikely to be allowed to stay in her hall room - probably shouldn’t even be there for one night.

itsgettingweird · 05/10/2022 18:08

How would you feel if someone knocked the WiFi off mid game?

I just don't understand why you would do that?

I have a ds the same age and if I treat him like a child he responds like one.

When I speak to him like an adult he responds well to that and discusses things with me.

Afterfire · 05/10/2022 18:10

Oh god don’t apologise. He’s an adult. A young one at that but imagine if he was an older man behaving like this when his wife accidentally kicked off the wifi? You’d have replies telling you he was an abusive idiot. Yes he’s stressed and having a difficult time - isn’t everyone? He needs to learn he can’t speak to you like that.

forlornlorna1 · 05/10/2022 18:10

itsgettingweird · 05/10/2022 18:08

How would you feel if someone knocked the WiFi off mid game?

I just don't understand why you would do that?

I have a ds the same age and if I treat him like a child he responds like one.

When I speak to him like an adult he responds well to that and discusses things with me.

Lol ok.

It's a sodding game. No one should be shouting at anyone because they've lost a poxy game ffs unreal

Keyansier · 05/10/2022 18:13

itsgettingweird · 05/10/2022 18:08

How would you feel if someone knocked the WiFi off mid game?

I just don't understand why you would do that?

I have a ds the same age and if I treat him like a child he responds like one.

When I speak to him like an adult he responds well to that and discusses things with me.

How was OP supposed to know? It doesn't sound like she did it on purpose (or why would she be asking why the wifi wasn't working if she deliberately switched it off?)

(Although saying that, if you did deliberately switch it off or reset it to try and fix it OP, it's always best to let everyone know first as it could have been much, much more important than a game)

SeasonFinale · 05/10/2022 18:14

To those saying he won't be able to stay in halls for long I know of a student who did manage to live with their boyfriend for an entire year in their halls room and therefore managed to save themselves thousands!

Afterfire · 05/10/2022 18:25

SeasonFinale · 05/10/2022 18:14

To those saying he won't be able to stay in halls for long I know of a student who did manage to live with their boyfriend for an entire year in their halls room and therefore managed to save themselves thousands!

Yep it happened quite a lot in my dds first year of university too! If they’re sneaky no one will find out / say anything…!

hesbeingabitofadick · 05/10/2022 18:30

It's a sodding game. No one should be shouting at anyone because they've lost a poxy game ffs unreal

^This.

He's old enough to know better. Leave him to his flounce. He needs to apologise for his behaviour.

latetothefisting · 05/10/2022 18:30

is he on a back up list for accomodation? Just because a lot of people drop out or change flats within the first month or 2 of uni, so might be worth him checking up with the uni if he wants to move out. Otherwise most people tend to move in with others they meet through halls so he might struggle finding somewhere to live for the next 2 years too and I think you're probably both at the stage where he would benefit from living elsewhere and realising a) how good he has it at home and b) flatmates wouldn't put up with being shouted at for a mistake so he shouldn't treat his mum worse than he would random strangers!

DeliberatelyObtuse · 05/10/2022 18:49

If she's in flat style halls the other students might complain about him being there and he'll end up back home

Hopefully after he apologises for being a rude prick

Cruisebabe1 · 05/10/2022 18:56

Ponoka7 · 05/10/2022 17:51

Why were you in his room?

It’s the Op’s house? 🧐🧐

Billybagpuss · 05/10/2022 18:56

What’s he planning on doing for money, whilst he might be able to stay awhile she’s not going to support him indefinitely, real life will catch up with him eventually.

GreyBlossom · 05/10/2022 19:01

When I not just as bad an prone to arguing back I tend to treat these episodes like the outbursts he had at the 8/9 yo testosterone surge.

"That's not OK, take some time and we'll talk about it when you're ready".

I'd probably leave the WiFi off until he was "ready"