Argument with DS1

[TheSummerHolidaysMakeMeCrazy]

I really can't work out if I'm unreasonable here or my son was.

DS1 is 18 and lives at home while going to uni. He didn't have classes today so was playing on his PS5, I knocked the WiFi off while he was mid-game and he blew up. Telling me I don't listen (as I shouldn't have messed with the WiFi mid-game), really raising his voice so I told him not to talk to me like that and it was out of order. He then told me 3 times to "get out" [his room].

I then went downstairs and text him that I understood he was frustrated but he was not to talk to me like that. There was general back & forth but I said no matter what, he can't speak to me like that. He then said "I don't care", so I replied "you know where the door is".

So, he's gone, packed a bag and off to Leeds where his girlfriend is in halls.

He's stressed as he didn't do as well as expected in his A Levels and has to do an extended course to get onto his chosen degree. As it was through clearing he missed out on accommodation so he's feeling left behind.

But, how much leeway does he get for that. I'm kicking myself for the door comment but I can't allow him to speak like that, he's 18 fgs.

But i feel do guilty because of all the frustration and how scared he is, he just took it all out on me.

God that's long.

Was IBU?

When you say knocked off the wifi do you mean knocked the router over and it disconnected his game? If so yes he's wildly over reacted but YABU about "I just can't see how to get him to understand he was the one in the wrong" because on the subject of him leaving the house you're as much in the wrong as he is.

I don't think the game is the real issue here. He has been stressed, scared and frustrated lately and the game being disturbed may well have been the straw that broke the camel's back. Sometimes, when we are going through a lot of stressful things, the tiniest, most ridiculous things can set us off. It could be that he is using the game as an escapism from his real life worries as well and when he lost that and the relief he got from it, however temporarily he hit the roof.

Of course he still should,'t have hit the roof and you were right to call him out on it. He'll be back once he has had time to cool down and reflect

@Prescottdanni123 I think you've hit the nail on the head and that's how I see it now I've calmed down but 18 year olds aren't well know for self reflection so I see it playing out quite dramatically on his end.

Thanks for allowing me to ponder and we'll see what tomorrow brings.

Oh and I apologised over text for the "you know where the door is", I think that comment is what I'll pay for, but he's ignored me.

My DS(18) has left home on the back of an argument.
It’s a very sad situation really, when I split with his father he was 6. Things were ok at first but then he started to change towards me a year is so after.
Instinctively, it felt like his father had been bad mouthing me and then my DS confessed but only gave limited information as he was a child and I didn’t want to push it.
Fast forward to now and I have a great relationship with ex MIL and FIL who confirmed my thoughts. The things he used to say about me was disgusting. And they told his father to stop talking about me to my DS.
He doesn’t see his father much now - his father gives him plenty of money and unfortunately money talks with my DS.
I have no contact with his father and haven’t done for years.
As a result, my relationship has sadly suffered with my DS despite my efforts. I have always tried to compensate for his fathers words about me with no success.
Last week, my DS passed in a message from his father and finished it with ‘but I am not getting involved’
I was really annoyed at the tone my DS used and the fact that he could ‘get involved’ when his dad wanted him to deliver a shit sandwich to me.
I said, go and live with your dad as I am fed up of the rude behaviour and snide remarks I constantly get from DS. I constantly bite my tongue at his rudeness towards me. He seems only interested in me when he is getting something.
He has basically now left, sneaked back for his clothes to move in with his gf at her parents. He has been with this girl for a couple of month. She is 17. Her parents have 2 other younger children.
He hasn’t spoke. To me about it. It’s like he has just ghosted me. His mother, who has done everything for him (that has never quite been enough)
Ifeel utterly heartbroken at all of this and can’t stop crying. I fully appreciate I lashed out by saying go and live with your father but in all honesty I just have never quite been good enough for my son. I don’t even feel like he likes me most of the time.
I have two other children who I have an amazing relationship with. They all get the same.
Really don’t need any hate messages. Be gentle.