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Original poster

Would you say this is a good time to get engaged

50 replies

Frurt · 05/10/2022 16:38

If you've lived together for approx 2 years, together just under 3 years, he's late 20s I'm early 30s. Do you think almost 3 years together is long enough?

OP posts:
Bootsandcat · 05/10/2022 16:39

Sure. What does your partner think? Have you talked to him about when/ if he’d like to get married?

TeenDivided · 05/10/2022 16:40

Well, surely do both of you?

Do you want to commit to spending the rest of your lives together? If yes then get engaged. If no, then don't.
It isn't too short, but may still not be long enough for you.

MerryMarigold · 05/10/2022 16:41

I'm not sure what your question is. Engagements don't really mean that much. Do you mean is it a good time to get married next year? Or to have a 5 year engagement? You can get engaged whenever you like but it's not going to affect your life much until you actually tie the knot - so I'm not sure 'a good time ' comes into it.

wannabeamummysobad · 05/10/2022 16:42

I got engaged to my husband exactly 2years after our first date. We'd lived together for 6months.

We were married just shy of 3 years into our relationship and had a baby straight away.
We were early 30s (me closer to mid) on our wedding day. No regrets. When you know you know. There's no right length of time.

Original poster
Frurt · 05/10/2022 16:42

Partner has never said he'd like to or made any hint whatsoever so surely not a good sign..he probably would've if he wanted to so maybe he sees himself as too young. But I'd like to

OP posts:
Canttouchthis90 · 05/10/2022 16:43

Yes if it's what you both want

skippy67 · 05/10/2022 16:43

No idea as I don't know you. Personally, that's not something I would do after only knowing someone for 3 years. But that's me.

Original poster
Frurt · 05/10/2022 16:44

How many years would you wait?

OP posts:
SettingPrecedents · 05/10/2022 16:44

The good time to get engaged is when you both want to. Preferably after a conversation about it as equals

Icanstillrecallourlastsummer · 05/10/2022 16:44

Well do you both want to get married? If yes, then go for it. If no, then don't. Your ages are fine to get married, also fine to wait.

I would say though that at 3 years in I would expect to be clear on whether I was in it for the long haul or not.

Original poster
Frurt · 05/10/2022 16:44

What if the other person isn't yet ready? That's fine, but how many years do you wait?

OP posts:
girlmom21 · 05/10/2022 16:45

Frurt · 05/10/2022 16:44

How many years would you wait?

Before asking if marriage is something he wants?

Original poster
Frurt · 05/10/2022 16:45

No, sorry I mean how many years would you wait for the person to be ready

OP posts:
Icanstillrecallourlastsummer · 05/10/2022 16:45

The fact that you seem unable to talk about with him suggests that you guys aren't in a place to get married. Why not just ask him where he sees you guys going?

AriettyHomily · 05/10/2022 16:46

Who knows, only you two. What's the rush would be my thought though. Surely you have discussed what you want from the future?

TeenDivided · 05/10/2022 16:46

I'd be asking whether he sees marriage in the future with you.
Also you are already early 30s. Do you want kids? Do you want to be married first?
Don't let him string you along until you are 35 and your fertility is declining.

Willdoitlater · 05/10/2022 16:46

If you want to get married, ask him. But don't ask about 'being engaged' that's just putting off a decision for later.

girlmom21 · 05/10/2022 16:46

Well I wouldn't blindly wait for a person to be ready if I had no clue if it was even something they want.

AsAnyFuleKno · 05/10/2022 16:49

The question to ask is not should you get engaged, but do you want to be married to him.

properdoughnut · 05/10/2022 16:49

Depends on you both really.

properdoughnut · 05/10/2022 16:50

AsAnyFuleKno · 05/10/2022 16:49

The question to ask is not should you get engaged, but do you want to be married to him.

This

Hbh17 · 05/10/2022 16:51

Getting engaged is meaningless. Are you both ready to get married? If so, book the Registry Office and go for it. If not, then just wait. The number if years you have been together doesn't matter - it could be 2 or 25

Lindy2 · 05/10/2022 16:52

Well if he's the right partner for you then surely a discussion about your future plans should be very easy.

Have you not chatted about your life goals such as marriage, children etc? They're pretty vital conversations to be having in any relationship that either partner sees as long term. You need to have the same ambitions to make it work.

You need to start a conversation about this with your partner not ask Mumsnet about it.

I would say 3 years is long enough to know if you want to commit long term to each other.

MerryMarigold · 05/10/2022 16:52

He may not want to get married but is committed to you, for example buying a house, having children etc. I think you need to separate the commitment from the marriage. If he's not ready to commit in any way then it would be a deal breaker for me in my early 30s. If you would like to have children you don't want to be breaking up with him when you're 35 and looking for someone else. You'll need to get over the relationship and then start again.... If you don't want kids then you have a bit longer.

You need to talk to him. If he loves you he'll listen and then either decide to commit, or not.

wannabeamummysobad · 05/10/2022 16:57

Just to add OP, if you don't feel comfortable speaking about marriage with DP you aren't ready for engagement or marriage

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