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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Am I crazy or is ex being a dick

45 replies

Osirisfbf · 05/10/2022 15:43

So I know I'm no angel in this story but I'm so upset rn I need some perspective

ex and I broke up late last year, had to stay in touch as we have young DC together.

despite breaking up we continued to sleep together purely in a fwb situation

he started seeing someone in feb, we have still been sleeping together throughout this. he assured me they weren't exclusive so wasn't a problem but that she didn't know.

I found out this month they are exclusive and have said I love you to each other. We are still sleeping together.

I found out this week that I am pregnant due to failure of contraception. I told him the next day, he didn't ring me or offer to come over or even ask if I was okay. He just said "okay we will talk about this later when I see DC"
I thought it was a bit abrupt but he was working so couldn't really speak. Turns out he wasn't working but he was at the gf's house. So he could easily have called me / come over to talk and see if I was okay but decided not to.

fast forward to today. I've decided to have a termination, I don't need to bring another baby into this mess. We have an agreement if something is important / about DC I can always call and he will answer no matter what. I called twice, I got ignored twice. I know I was ignored because I can see on WhatsApp he was online so had his phone open and didn't answer my call.

then almost an hour later he just texts "what's up?"

so first of all I give him this big news and he just doesn't care to even check in and see if I'm okay. I then try to call him twice today to talk about it and I get ignored and not even a phone call back.

is this shitty or am I losing my mind?

OP posts:
properdoughnut · 05/10/2022 15:45

We have an agreement if something is important / about DC I can always call and he will answer no matter what. he can't promise that. He could be driving for a start.

musingsinmidlife · 05/10/2022 15:48

It seems like you expect him to still act like he is your partner when he is an ex. He is acting like an ex - which he is. He doesn't need to be at your beck and call and he isn't your support system. He is your ex. Perhaps consider stopping sleeping with him.

Aquamarine1029 · 05/10/2022 15:49

Whether it's shitty or not is really irrelevant because it just doesn't matter. He's your ex for good reason. Start making better choices so you don't end up in this type of very unpleasant circumstances. Continuing to fuck your ex is never a good idea.

AryaStarkWolf · 05/10/2022 15:49

I feel sorry for his actual g/f

WhenDovesFly · 05/10/2022 15:52

Lost any sympathy when you said you'd found out they were exclusive and had said I Love Yous, but you still kept sleeping with him.

EmilyGilmoresSass · 05/10/2022 15:53

AryaStarkWolf · 05/10/2022 15:49

I feel sorry for his actual g/f

Yup. His girlfriend and the children with irresponsible parents behaving like teenagers are the ones I feel sorry for too.

DoodlePug · 05/10/2022 15:53

Yanbu he is a dick.

But he doesn't care about you, stop sleeping with him.

Justcallmebebes · 05/10/2022 15:54

What to say? You broke up, you continued sleeping with him and then continued some more when you found out he was in another relationship and you're surprised and shocked he's not being more supportive that you're pregnant.

You have been treated badly but then you have literally laid down and let him walk all over you

SpinningFloppa · 05/10/2022 15:56

You are not a victim in this. I don’t know what you want anyone to say but at least you won’t be bringing another child into this.

Rogue1001MNer · 05/10/2022 15:59

What are you hoping to get from this thread, OP?

The only people who seem blameless in this situation are the new gf and your dc

madasawethen · 05/10/2022 16:01

He's an arse. You already knew that though.

Is he paying regular maintenance and sticking to a visitation schedule?

WifeMotherWorker · 05/10/2022 16:01

YABU and you’re right this post doesn’t show you in a good light, at all. He is your EX, what are you expecting here. Grow up and stop sleeping with him when you know he has a GF! Thank goodness another child won’t be born into this mess.

kingtamponthefurred · 05/10/2022 16:15

Both.

BadNomad · 05/10/2022 16:17

Stop sleeping with him. You know he treats his girlfriend like shit, you can't be surprised he's treating you like shit.

KettrickenSmiled · 05/10/2022 16:23

so first of all I give him this big news and he just doesn't care to even check in and see if I'm okay. I then try to call him twice today to talk about it and I get ignored and not even a phone call back.
So this guy you split up with, then you carried on shagging him anyway, despite knowing he had another g/f, he is now treating you badly & you're ... surprised?

is this shitty or am I losing my mind?
yes it's shitty, & ... you have certainly lost perspective. Probably not your entire mind, but this was never going to end well. He's been stringling you along, he's stringing his g/f along ... he's a grade A shit, & you need rid of him in every sense bar necessary co-parenting.

I'm so sorry you are facing a termination. But it's probably best to focus on the young DC you already have, & find a way of losing ANY emotional dependence you have on their father. Flowers

happy66 · 05/10/2022 16:25

Oh dear oh dear. People in glass house shouldn’t throw stones.

In my humble opinion you can’t go slinging mud when you are complicit.

HollyJollyXmas57 · 05/10/2022 16:25

Of course he will put his gf over you. He doesn’t want to be caught.

Get some respect and stop sleeping with him.

iBrows · 05/10/2022 16:26

He’s your ex, he’s obviously not going to pick the phone up to you around his new partner, considering you clearly haven’t moved on and he is using you for sex.

LuckyLil · 05/10/2022 16:37

Let me guess, you thought if you carried on shagging him he might want you back one day? So you know he's got a girlfriend but you still have sex with him? He clearly doesn't want his girlfriend to know he's sleeping around so he ignored you. I suppose it depends if you are happy being an easy lay behind his girlfriend's back.

EfficientDynamics · 05/10/2022 16:44

He's been using you for sex and vice versa

That is all he wants from this arrangement

VatofTea · 05/10/2022 16:54

It's extremely sh1tty, but welcome to the real world. You knew he was a sh1t and now you have further proof. Stop being available to him and boosting his ego.

The failure of contraception is upsetting for you, his response is telling of his use of you. Value yourself more. xx

decayingmatter · 05/10/2022 19:03

Genuinely, what did you want/expect? Him to dump his girlfriend and get back with you, because that's how it sounds. How could you lower yourself to being an easy shag when he hasn't got something better to do/isn't with his girlfriend? Now do you see that this is all you were to him? If you don't, you need to wake up quickly because you're making an absolute fool of yourself and no doubt causing your kids a great deal of confusion. Where are they when daddy drops them off from time with daddy and girlfriend, and then goes and has sex with mummy upstairs?

MissMaple82 · 05/10/2022 19:21

I dont understand this at all.. wheres your self worth? He doesn't give a shit about you, he just gets off on casual sex with the ex. What do you expect him to do??? Leave her amd declare is undying love? It's never going to happen. This isn't good for your child to be behaving so recklessly. Move on from him

MissMaple82 · 05/10/2022 19:24

I've also no sympathy for you... his poor girlfriend though !!!!

lickenchugget · 05/10/2022 19:26

Poor girlfriend.