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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Responding to school mum

31 replies

Countrylifemama · 05/10/2022 14:26

hi there

ive jsut had a call from the school where ive been told my sons glasses were broken by another little one in his class. the other boy apparently stomped on them and they are now bent - anyways i then had a message from the mum saying shes sorry and not sure why he would have done that etc and asking about the cost of repair for damage.

Now to add a twist shes a school mum ive been out with in a group and my boy sometimes plays with hers (hes coming to his party too) - so not a random mum but we arent very very close either...

Im now stuck on how to respond? what should i say back to her im not sure on the context of how/why it happened but was told by the teacher it wasn't caused by DS/or that he said something to him etc

im just not sure how to reply to them

OP posts:

whateveryouwantmetosay · 05/10/2022 14:27

How old are the kids?

Original poster

Countrylifemama · 05/10/2022 14:27

OP posts:

Midnights · 05/10/2022 14:30

I think I would respond with the first part - not sure on the context of how / why it happened - but leave off the second bit, as you weren't there (and the teacher can't have been paying that much attention to know if your DS said or did anything, because they'd have stepped in?), then take her up on her offer to pay for a replacement/repair.

Pinkandpurplehairedlady · 05/10/2022 14:31

I would just say thank you for the apology but wouldn't ask for money towards the repair - if they were NHS ones won't he get a replacement for free?

FarmerRefuted · 05/10/2022 14:31

I'd just reply that it's over and done with, school have dealt with it and that's that. There shouldn't be a charge for repairing them on the NHS, DD broke her glasses recently and there wasn't a charge to replace them.

Are they very young? Because impulsive behaviour can be an age appropriate response, doesn't make it right but it also doesn't make the child a delinquent for life.

Ski4130 · 05/10/2022 14:31

You respond with 'Hi, thanks for the offer, I haven't seen the glasses yet so I'm not sure how/if they need fixing, but I'll let you know as soon as I do. Thanks for the offer, it's much appreciated. Countylifemama'

whateveryouwantmetosay · 05/10/2022 14:31

If I was the mum of the son who broke the glasses I would want you to take up my offer to repair them as I would feel bad.

What does your son say happened?

FarmerRefuted · 05/10/2022 14:32

Ski4130 · 05/10/2022 14:31

This is a good reply.

puddingandsun · 05/10/2022 14:32

I wouldn't take money either. You don't know what happened and in any case they are little kids so I'd just treat it as any other accident.

JonSnowedUnder · 05/10/2022 14:33

I would just accept her apology and say you'll let her know about the cost. I've found options often repair/replace for free for young children.

It sounds like she's apologised to you as soon as she was made aware and it's so awkward when your child does something wrong. She maybe isn't looking for an answer/response on the context of the incident but was having trouble articulating her own text.

Thatboymum · 05/10/2022 14:33

At that age anything could have happened you don’t really know who was the Instigator. Just reply and say thanks for reaching out cost of repair will be xx I will speak to ds when he is home to try and see what happened between them but hopefully it was nothing major and trust it won’t happen again.

sparepantsandtoothbrush · 05/10/2022 14:33

I'm not sure it's a 'twist' that it's a mum you know socially or that your boys are friends. Kids do stupid shit all the time and I'm sure the boy will be punished accordingly. If its a one off then I'd just thank her for contacting you and say you'll let her know if there's a cost to you when you know.

iekanda · 05/10/2022 14:34

I would probably decline the offer but thank her for it. (If you can afford the repair without a problem).

she has been decent in offering and is clearly embarrassed

how new were the glasses? What did the optician say re cost/voucher availability

Tootels · 05/10/2022 14:34

Just because the teacher and your son said he didn't do anything it doesn't mean he didn't. Although whatever may have been said it's a bit extreme to do that to a kids glasses.

Tiredoftiers · 05/10/2022 14:34

Guessing the cost of the repair will be covered by the NHS, or at least my child’s would be. So I would reply thanks for getting in touch, don’t worry about the damage to the glasses. The school had already been in touch to let me know what has happened.
unless it happens again when it’s between you and the school. And the school and the other child’s parents.

iekanda · 05/10/2022 14:35

Agree with a pp about kids glasses often getting fixed/replaced free/cheaply

TimeForMeToF1y · 05/10/2022 14:36

Is your AIBU about whether you're BU not to know how to reply?

I don't quite understand, will there be a cost to repair, if NHS I wouldn't expect one, young children's glasses get broken all the time. Just use the holding response a PP has suggested

NCFT0922 · 05/10/2022 14:37

Accept her apology, thank her for the offer of a new pair and move on.

Original poster

Countrylifemama · 05/10/2022 14:39

Thank you I struggle with replies most times - not spoken to my son yet

so something like thank you for the offer - I’m sure it was not intentional not seen the glasses but will let you know I don’t imagine a cost though…

OP posts:

ffsnotagainandagain · 05/10/2022 14:42

If they are NHS then they will be free if they can't be repaired. My DC wears glasses, and have had to have a few replacements. Just reply thank you but no need to reimburse any costs and move on. They are 5, not 15.

Pumpkinpatchlookinggood · 05/10/2022 14:44

Just say you are happy with the way school have dealt with it.
Ime never ever get into a private conversation with another dm about school shenanigans and dc....

Rosehugger · 05/10/2022 14:53

No need to reply at all until you've seen the glasses.

FarmerRefuted · 05/10/2022 15:04

Pumpkinpatchlookinggood · 05/10/2022 14:44

Just say you are happy with the way school have dealt with it.
Ime never ever get into a private conversation with another dm about school shenanigans and dc....

Exactly this.

The adults end up falling out or even straight up arguing, five minutes later the kids are best buddies and everyone looks like a nob.

Glittertwins · 05/10/2022 15:06

Rosehugger · 05/10/2022 14:53

No need to reply at all until you've seen the glasses.

This, they might be salvageable. I have to pay for frames though, not the lenses for a child.

2bazookas · 05/10/2022 15:15

She hasn't asked you to discuss or explain the event. She courteously offered to pay, which means she accepts blame on behalf of her child.

You reply WTE " Thanks for the offer Sue, when he gets the new glasses I'll let you know of any cost. Kids, eh!"

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