If you felt intimidated by a police vehicle patrol would you wave them down?

[HatThatWearsYou]

I recently related an experience where I, a lone woman took my dog out for a last toilet at night to a grassy area at the end of my 30mph residential zone street. I live in a small town with a low crime rate.

A police vehicle with two male police officers drove by me, then followed the road round, ignoring the other streets apart from the one they used to drive up to circle round and the rest of the town at large, in order to pass me a further four times in quick succession. The last two drive bys were at a greatly reduced speed and the final drive by was at a practical crawl and it was clear they were looking at me.

It only takes me about 2-3 minutes to walk to the grassy area from my door so the first pass bys were as I walked along a short street and the final two pass bys were when I had reached the grassy area. There was no one else around on the street at the time.

I have never had a problem with the police and I don't have a problem with the police or police patrols. In general I am very pro police and patrols.

I could understand them checking me out once, twice, maybe, just maybe even three times at a push but five times did feel a little intimidating and unnecessary.

I related this story on another thread and was told if I felt intimidated I should have waved the policemen down.

Regardless of whether you would have been intimidated by this particular incident, my question is:

As a woman, in this climate with faith in the police force at an all time low by women, would you wave patrolling policemen in their down if you felt intimidated by them late at night on a quiet street with no one else around?

YABU - I would feel completely comfortable flagging down the officers in the vehicle.

YANBU - I would not feel comfortable waving down the officers in the vehicle.

YANBU I would not wave down anyone who I felt was following me in a car, let alone a car with two men in. I'd try and get to a place I felt safe as quickly as possible!

It's more than feasible in this instance that they were keeping an eye on you and trying to keep their distance so you didn't feel threatened. But no, I wouldn't have actively sought to chat with them to find out

If I felt intimidated, why would I want to stop them and engage with them?

@RoachTheHorse It would be nice to think so wouldn't it?

I feel that if that were the case they could have stopped and said so though. I would have felt much more reassured had they done so, rightly or wrongly.

I think I'd assume they were looking for someone so wouldn't interrupt.
I'd be spooked but wouldn't try to engage.

Oh and FWIW they passed me close by, I was on the pavement at their side of the road not so they weren't passing from a distance. It was a close drive by every time.

I live on a cul-de-sac where all the other houses are occupied by working couples. I am literally the only person at home from 8-5. There is almost zero traffic, so when the dog barks, I check to see what's happening. A car was parked in the roundabout area with a single male occupant. It was not marked with a business name and there was no one home in any house for him to be visiting. After he had been parked there for over an hour I called the police department, explained that I was worried he was "casing" the houses and asked for a police car to do a drive-thru. Three minutes later the occupant gets out of his car, walks up my drive, rings my front doorbell, shows his police shield and apologizes for disturbing me.

They never used our cul-de-sac as a park-and-nap again!

I wonder what they would have done if you took your phone out and filmed them.

Now, I realise I can be naive, but I'd assume they were keeping an eye on me to make sure I got back inside safely and feel comforted by their presence. Isn't that the kind of thing we want from police patrols?

This happened to me once, but the last time they stopped and asked if my name was Clare - someone that kind of matched my description had been reported missing.

Maybe they were just trying to rule you out of something like that?

That didn't answer your question.

No, I absolutely would not have flagged then down.

Anyone who tells you that you should wave down anyone you feel intimidated by is being a goady fucker unless you’re asking for advice on overcoming fear. It’s stupid advice. If you’re intimidated by someone the last thing you want to do is wave them down. Being intimidated by them means you feel threatened by them so you obviously aren’t going to feel up to waving them down.

In your particular situation, I think PP’s advice to film them on your phone is probably the best. I’m not particularly affected by recent news stories about police behaviour. Just as I didn’t fear my doctor after the Shipman story broke. As with any profession there have always been a few bad apples but the majority are reasonably decent people. Still wouldn’t wave them down if their actions were intimidating me, though!

I don't understand, what would be the purpose of flagging them down?

If they were doing a slow crawl looking at me and were uniformed police in panda car, I'd speak to them and ask if I could help them. I doubt I'd feel intimidated by them. I'd think they were just patrolling owing for someone. I can't be sure, though, because it's been so long since I actually saw any police! 🤨

I'd be curious enough to ask the station if there was a reason - if I was certain it was me they were staring at. It's quite intimidating behaviour so I'd want the station to know that that patrol was acting that way.

One thought - do you have a dog which may at a glance look like an illegal breed? Might they have had concerns about that?

I'd have assumed they were looking out for me.

I’d have rang my partner to come and meet me

Sounds awful, but with the culture of the Met police (and I imagine other forces) I’d have no desire to interact with male officers, regardless if there were 2 or not.

Officers must be aware trust in them is at an all time low, so I find it weird that they wouldn’t try and quell your fears/concerns by explaining what they were doing - eg if they were looking for a missing person and you matched the description.

I would have tried to take the patrol car number or registration plate, stood stock still, making it clear what I was doing.

I would assume they were look for someone and were checking I was OK

Yes I generally agree with you and didn't feel afraid as such but I don't think I would have felt as intimidated as I did had I never heard of Sarah Everard or some of the systemic misogyny coming from officers that has been leaked though.

I think even not knowing some of the things I know, I'd still have found this a little intimidating.

@Interestingmauve No this is not the behaviour I want in male police officers, or any officers tbh. I'd much prefer if they had stopped and spoken to me or had been a bit more circumspect - although that may have heightened my awareness of being followed, so on balance I'd much prefer they spoke to me.

I want to see more patrols for sure, I just don't want to feel harassed or intimidated. I'd be happy to be stopped and chat with them about what I was doing and all that, I'd even be ok with a search of my person on the street because I have nothing to hide and am a law abiding and really rather boring person tbh. I'd want a female police officer to do a strip search if they felt it was somehow necessary and I was advised to do so by a lawyer.

But no I don't want repeated and increasingly slow drive bys by two male policemen late at night on a quiet street in an area where I am standing in the shade.

On top of being generally pro police, I'm not afraid of men or the dark.

I am aware that as a woman. there are dangers present in all three though.

To tell them off for following you round or ask what they wanted?

This happened to my mum during covid but that was because they were probably deciding whether to stop and ask her why she was out of her house. They didn't go past multiple times though.

I would email your local police force and tell them about the incident though, they might come back and explain what they were doing!

With the cul de sac incident we had something similar and it turned out that they were keeping an eye on a neighbour's house who had had threats from animal rights extremists as they worked for a local pharma company.

Also not sure why the police would be interested in you OP, it's fairly obvious that a woman with a dog is walking her dog!

I hate the Police, but I would assume that they are keeping an eye out for you, rather than the other way around. A heavy police presence does stop chance criminals. We don't get told of every attack, attempted mugging etc, they also know whose capable of what and if they see them about they'll do a show of strength. As much as I don't like them, I agree that it's difficult to get it right all the time.

Would also like to point out that someone walking any dog at that time of night is probably going to pique the police patrols interest and they'll probably come for a little look. Totally fair enough, it's late at night, I could be a criminal, a drunk or a potential victim.

It's the coming round and round slower and slower that I found weird.

@BernadetteRostankowskiWolowitz I do have a large breed dog so I guess that could be a factor but again there was no reason they couldn't have stopped and spoken to me. My dog was clearly under control, on a lead and behaving nicely. There are lots of dogs of his type and other large breed dogs in the area, I sometimes see a few of them out at that time of night doing the same thing I assume.

In my experience I’ve been stopped a couple of times by the police when walking home in the dark, sometimes quite late at night. They asked where I was going, if everything was okay, how long would it take me to get home.

If this is what they were doing with you, seems strange they wouldn’t just ask you. What time were you walking your dog?

I don’t think I would flag down anyone making me feel uncomfortable, and would probably have taken a photo of the car and sent it to someone juuuuuust in case.

But in all likelihood they were doing nothing wrong. Maybe you match the description of someone they are looking for, or maybe they were looking for someone else in the local area (my friend once accidentally caught a burglar hiding from police in her garden, they’d noticed a police car crawling past looking for him a few times and thankfully were able to grab their attention).

I honestly can't remember because it happened a few months ago, it was late though after 11.30 possibly as late as 1pm.

I hadn't considered emailing them about it until someone said to do that on the other thread, not as a complaint but to point out that this could be intimidating for women.