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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to wish my DH had better taste?

88 replies

Mum3boyz · 04/10/2022 19:09

Ok, so I know this is a very small issue in the grand scheme of things but how do you cope if you have a very different style taste than your DH? Mine is really old-fashioned and thinks I just follow style and fashion so we can't get anywhere in improving our house. We recently redecorated, and we have hardwood floors and a very large living room, so I want an area rug to define the seating area and make the room cosy and feel warm. DH says we can only have a small rug and he doesn't want the feet of the furniture on the rug and he doesn't care if that is not how a living room should be styled. It has really upset me because we can't now agree and so we have no rug, and the room feels cold and uninviting. I appreciate this is not exactly the end of the world and my DH is a lovely person. But I feel so upset as I can't have the dream living space that I wanted, and that's all I now see when I go into the living room. I do realise though that if I get what I want DH doesn't get what he wants. Am I being unreasonable to feel upset?

OP posts:

Ultravox · 04/10/2022 19:37

This is the kind of argument DH & I have as well. It’s so difficult to compromise when you’ve got a picture of exactly what you want in your head.

We had a recent stand off where I wanted to paint a room dark blue and wanted the skirting & ceiling the same colour. DH thought the colour was too dark and wanted the skirting white. We’ve compromised that I got the dark colour and he got the white skirting but it just spoils the look. I wish we could take a room each to decorate!

Pandor · 04/10/2022 19:44

Sadly small rugs marooned pointlessly in the middle of rooms just look a bit shit (no offence to anyone who has a shit rug).

if he can’t see that he may be a lost cause!

PurpleBrocadePeacock · 04/10/2022 19:46

I have this type of disagreement with dh too.

Our last house we couldn’t agree on a living room rug so never got one.

However, the sofa was used so much, that the floor in front of the sofa where we put our feet was severely worn and dented and needed resending after a few years.

Tell him if he wants to keep the floor in good nick, he will need rugs in high traffic areas.

bluebellmay2020 · 04/10/2022 19:48

Buy both and put the small one on top of the big one? Being more serious though how about the large rug for the winter months and the small one for the summer months?

mynameiscalypso · 04/10/2022 19:51

I have similar 'discussions' with my DH. He has very boring and practical taste whereas I like something a bit more...I don't know...chic. Some things I just buy because he doesn't really care that much.

Cantthinkofanewnameatm · 04/10/2022 19:51

YANBU.
You buy the rug you want, put it in situ. I’m sure it was one that was 1/4 price in a sale or given away on FB or sold for a tenner on Gumtree because the seller bought the wrong colour and couldn’t return it.

ThinWomansBrain · 04/10/2022 19:55

on the plus side he chose to marry you? bit off saying he has bad taste

mistermagpie · 04/10/2022 19:55

I couldn't give a shit about home decor, don't follow that kind of fashion at all, so I'm kind of struggling to picture it and it sounds a bit weird (covering up the nice floor with a rug). Maybe he's the same and needs to see it for himself? Could you do the bedsheets thing a pp suggested and lay it out for him to see? Even if you have shown him magazine photos he might not be able to picture it in your house.

Seenoevil33 · 04/10/2022 20:12

My husband is the same! In the end I just bought the damn rug, put it down and suggested that if after a week or two he still wasn’t keen, we would return!
he loves it and we now have 4 large area rugs - they really do define the space and small scale ones just don’t do that! Also protects the floors …

Excited101 · 04/10/2022 20:23

Oh god, that would drive me nuts. And I have a terrible feeling I’m headed in the same direction. DP just doesn’t see why you would change anything if you ‘have one’ but that means that before we moved in together I had a cardboard box covered in a blanket for a bedside table, and the rest looked like a student house of mismatch.

His kids chose some stuff when him and his ex had divorced and he bought his own place so it’s very hard to suggest they go. But the girls are so much older now, I really don’t think they would care! They’re nearly off to uni anyway!

I don’t know what to suggest op, I’m sorry. Is there another room he could have more ownership of?

StupidSmallFruit · 04/10/2022 20:30

Can I caution against the bed sheet idea?

It will just look as if you’re preparing the paint the room.

It won’t look anything like the way a rug will look, and will more than likely just cement in his mind that the large size is a bad idea.

Maray1967 · 04/10/2022 20:30

I’d buy the rug I wanted - sorted. He can send it back if he doesn’t like it. Then I’d buy it again. I’ve had to put with ridiculous size tvs and speakers everywhere- I put my foot down on other things.

CaptainThe95thRifles · 04/10/2022 20:32

Mum3boyz · 04/10/2022 19:31

@CaptainThe95thRifles It is the compromise that we are struggling with. Neither of us is able to find one because we want something totally different.

You might have more luck finding a compromise if you don't dismiss his taste as worse than yours, or say that his idea isn't how a living room "should" be styled - as if there's any hard and fast rule. And, indeed, if you don't drivel on about how upset you are that it won't look the way you imagined. It's only a rug, and your opinion is no more valid than his. If you accept that, you're bound to find a reasonable compromise for both of you.

NoSquirrels · 04/10/2022 20:33

Is it just the rug, or does he get his own way on most things? Wondering what other compromises you both make?

PeekabooAtTheZoo · 04/10/2022 20:33

This is one of those situations where it's better to ask for forgiveness than permission. Why do you need a consensus? Stop waiting for his permission, stop talking it through because it makes him think you want his opinion rather than his blessing, stop trying to live by committee, and just confidently buy stuff you like. He's obviously not that interested in making you happy or listening to you, so why give a fig? It's just a rug!
Also this isn't even about old-fashioned vs. modern, it's about knowing how to style a rug.

GettingOrganisedNow · 04/10/2022 20:34

I have the same problem, OP! DH would have the entire house decorated in glass, black and grey with no soft furnishings if it was up to him. I prefer colours and cushions.

We have a grey sofa, and I think it would look really nice with a couple of coloured cushions, but DH says no to cushions because he thinks they're pointless.

It's hard to compromise because anything in-between just doesn't work. We tried doing a room each, but DH's room was awful (even he didn't like it!) and all the glass was so hard to keep clean. But somehow this didn't make him think that maybe he's not a fan of his own interior design!

One solution I've found is to suggest trying something for a few weeks to see what we both think (if we can borrow some version of it). Often DH ends up not noticing it, or even liking it, but if he doesn't come round then we take it away.

entropynow · 04/10/2022 20:36

Toomanysleepycats · 04/10/2022 19:20

Every article I’ve ever read says that most people buy an undersized rug and that it should reach under the furniture.

Explain it’s not a fashion or trend it’s the same as having too small radiators that fail to heat a room, or an underpowered engine.

Show him the articles. Tell him you want it because you like it. If it’s anchored under the furniture it will stop it slipping and be easier to hoover.

Go and buy it. Get the ‘wrong’ size.

Of course it's a fashion trend and to compare it to those things is daft.
I can't stand furniture on a nice rug and I'm just as right because I like it that way

NoSquirrels · 04/10/2022 20:38

I feel so upset as I can't have the dream living space that I wanted, and that's all I now see when I go into the living room.

Would he feel the same strength of upset and emotion if there was a big rug with the feet of the sofa on it?

In our house the person who feels most strongly tends to win. In our case this means I win on soft furnishings and he wins on furniture placement with regard to the audio-visual equipment. Neither of us are delighted that it’s perfectly how we’d have it left to our own devices, but no one is upset every time they sit in a room!

quitelikelyto · 04/10/2022 21:07

PeekabooAtTheZoo · 04/10/2022 20:33

So should he just confidently throw the thing out once it arrives? State that he didn't need to ask permission and refuse to work by consensus? You seem to suggest the OP do whatever they want and invalidate their dhs opinions. Are you always this controlling??

TreadSoftlyOnMyDreams · 04/10/2022 22:20

I saw a company somewhere that will bring a selection of series and styles and lay them out until you find the one you like? Maybe visit a rug shop and see what you can persuade them into?

Original poster

Mum3boyz · 04/10/2022 22:23

I really appreciate everyone's point of view. I will suggest we get a cheap rug of our preferred size each and try it for 2 weeks each. Then decide. Thanks for all the suggestions.
I do appreciate that it sounds like I'm saying my taste is better than his. I am not saying that I am right and he is wrong - I am just more interested in current styles/trends and like the aesthetics of that. He prefers the practicalities. It is a very large floor space so you can still see the lovely floor but without a big rug it feels like a library.
It's hard when we both have very different tastes as there isn't always a compromise to be found! Also my DH is autistic so he tends to be very black and white and it's not always easy to have a discussion about these things with him!

OP posts:

tillyandmilly · 04/10/2022 22:32

Blimey my husband hasn't a clue about decorating rooms - he just leaves it all to me! As long he has a settee to lie on he doesn't care !

Dragonskin · 04/10/2022 22:42

I am just more interested in current styles/trends and like the aesthetics of that.

But (and a genuine question) why do you think that trumps his view? Current styles and trends often make every house look like they have come out of some awful Instagram mold and also date quickly, so he could think your taste is just as bad as you think his is...

confusedlots · 04/10/2022 22:57

@Mum3boyz I totally get it! Me and DH are building a house and we have seriously nearly divorced numerous times trying to make decisions we're both happy with.

Not sure if it's great advice, but I've slowly got DH round to the opinion of 'happy wife, happy life'! He now has free rein on the structural/engineering decisions and I have free rein on the interiors decisions, unless it's something either one of us totally disagrees with and then we have further discussions.

This is currently working for us and we are making good progress with the house, and both of us are happy! Maybe not the way every couple works, but this is definitely working for us!

reader12 · 04/10/2022 23:00

Get the size you want. He will get over it.

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