Pregnant and I can’t afford to be

[Autumnsea]

Been trying for a 3rd child for a while and it’s finally happened!

But with the cost of living crisis it all feels so unaffordable now. We have a household income of 52K. But our mortgage has just gone up from £750 a month to over £900.

I’m really scared about the way the economy is going, the predicted recession and I assume job losses that will come with it.

I can’t do it. Is that really unfair of me?

We have saved 15K to get us through Mat Leave but that just doesn’t feel like a big enough buffer anymore.

Is there anything else you can cut back on? Do you still have things from your other children so you don't have to buy lots of new things for the new baby?

YABU absolutely. And goady actually. 15k is a fortune.

I will only be paid SMP while I’m on Mat leave. So not really a fortune. It will all be swallowed topping up my income.

People make do on much less.

Presumably you knew the cost of living crisis was under way while trying to conceive. If it wasn't a deterrent then (presumably only a few weeks ago) how can it suddenly be a reason for aborting?

I'm all pro choice, but this doesn't make any sense...

Only you know whether it will work or not. Will it hugely impact your existing children- as in, will they lose out on significantly more than they do now? How long do you think that will last for? material is only material… but I’m talking more about house at risk and parents stressed out and arguing rather than less presents and no karate lessons.

Only you know your situation, presumably since you have been actively trying you must have felt fine about finances before? And it you can save £15k with your current childcare expenses and bills it sounds like you have a decent buffet at the end of the month.
No one can really tell you if you can afford it or not.

I think I’m suddenly panicking about it. So we’ve been trying for DC3 for just a bit over 3 years and I’ve become obsessed with it. And now it’s happened I’m looking out at the bigger picture and thinking how can we bring another baby into this?! Our combined take home pay is £3,500 ish a month and it doesn’t seem a lot to have to support 5 people on. I’ve not spoken to DH yet because he’ll think I’ve gone mad.

How is the mortgage gone up so much?? Did you move to a new house or has the interest actually gone up by 20% ??

I had a baby in 2007 & another one in 2008 we couldn’t really afford and the massive credit crunch/ recession came along. Babies themselves aren’t expensive - I had to go back to work much sooner than expected though as couldn’t afford mat leave. But they barely cost anything til they’re school age (as long as you can afford childcare if needed) - hopefully by then it won’t be as bad. I can imagine you’re very anxious though - I was when it happened to me, I cried in fact as I didn’t know how we could pay for it all.

How old are your others? Is your house big enough, big enough car etc? going from 2 to 3 definitely needs more space.

It’s not really about your income as much as your outgoings though.
How long did it take to save £15k?
What does your essential bills to income ratio look like?

It’s quite normal and common to have a “wtf have I done” reaction to even a planned and wanted pregnancy. Do you think you might just be having a bit of a panic? If this was a wanted and tried for baby a few weeks ago and all that’s happened is an increase in your mortgage payment then it sounds more like a ”wtf” moment of panic worrying about vague future possibilities like job losses than a decision you don’t actually want the baby anymore.

I think it's perfectly natural that after trying to conceive for such a long time you're now feeling wobbly, and you're right when you look at things initially it does seem like the world is not a good place to bring a child atm. What I would say is please do share these feelings with your partner and then break it down sensibly. How much will an extra person actually cost? Food bills a little more, but things such as heating and electric aren't likely to be too badly affected. Can you use second hand rather than brand new foe any baby items? Make sure you're claiming everything you're entitled too and look at ways you can save pennies as they really will add up to the pounds.

My other kids are 9 and 5. That’s the other thing, it’s taken so long to happen that the age gap now seems huge as well. Far bigger than I wanted it to be. Our DC are in breakfast/ after school club so our childcare bill is only £60 a week. I’m terrified what it will look like with a baby in nursery. And I know I should have thought about this but honestly it’s like the positive test has woken me up from an obsession.

Why are you asking random strangers for help on this very important decision? I am going to say YABU because this cost of living thing has been going on for months so you should have reconsidered your decision to TTC then. I do think your savings is enough though. Lots more than many have.

Depends on your outgoings really

I survived mat leave with zero savings and just SMP, partner paid in a little extra to cover downfall for me and it worked out

(Household income of 53k prior, so went down to 30k + SMP when on mat leave)

I know it’s crazy but I was so obsessed about having DC3 I didn’t even notice the world around me. And now everyone is so thrilled for me because they know how much I wanted it (after loss as well). And I don’t know how to burst their bubble. I don’t know who else to talk to.

@Autumnsea I would just sit and wait on the decision for a while so you don't do something you regret. People manage on a lot less.

So what would you do?

Have an abortion?

What does your DH think?

You need to sit down and crunch the numbers.

What will it be on maternity leave?

What will it look like with nursery fees?

Yes. DH would be devastated

If you’ve managed to save £15k with four mouths to feed you obviously bring in more than you need to spend. So you can afford to feed 5 mouths. How much does a baby cost anyway? I assume you still have clothes, cot, toys, etc from your other children. If you’re planning to breastfeed it costs almost nothing to feed a baby. So the £15k you saved will cover your lost wages to give you the same income as before where you were able to save £15k.

Sounds like you are worrying over nothing.

Oof, this is like the ultimate trigger for anyone TTC.

I would echo others and say: if you could save 15k you'll be fine and it's probably just the shock of something you've waited so long for.

I don't see how you both would get over that. I suspect it may end your marriage.
Are you sure you can't stretch your finances? Run the figures again.

So if you’re only just pregnant it’s going to be almost 2 years before the baby is in nursery. 9 months of pregnancy and then mat leave. It’ll be a long time before you need to look at nursery costs. We could be in a completely different place in terms of the economy by then.

Does he knows you’re pregnant?