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AIBU?

Friend didn't really acknowledge my birthday

29 replies

missbipolar · 04/10/2022 09:27

I've been really close friends to this person for a while now- we chat every day although haven't seen in each other in a few months as neither of us can currently drive (my licence is medically suspended and she doesn't have a car)

It was my birthday yesterday and it was a pretty big deal for me as I honestly didn't think I'd still be alive to see this birthday. She knows my thoughts around it and that it was a big deal to me. She messaged me a couple of times asking how I was and if I'd heard back from a job I was waiting for. She also liked my post relating to my birthday. But she didn't actually wish me a happy birthday in anyway- aibu to be a little hurt by this?

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FetchezLaVache · 04/10/2022 09:30

Yeah, in the circumstances I'd say it was a bit weird not to have wished you happy birthday directly.

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phishy · 04/10/2022 09:53

Happy Birthday OP!

That is hurtful, and if she deliberately ignored it then that would make me question how good a friend she is.

However, does she celebrate her own birthday? Is she going through some issues at the moment?

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PloddyPop · 04/10/2022 09:56

That’s really unkind on the face of it
happy belated birthday @missbipolar

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Mammed · 04/10/2022 09:59

How much does she celebrate her own birthday?
DH is a bit like this, I have buy cards and remind him to message his close family members on their birthday and tell him that just liking their post isn't enough, but he's not deliberately ignorant he just doesn't see birthdays as a big deal, he wouldn't even acknowledge his own birthday if it wasn't for me & DD. Maybe your friend has a similar mindset?

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MeowMeowPowerRangers · 04/10/2022 10:01

A friend of mine did the same. Yet on her birthday expected I made a big deal and I baked her a cake and arranged drinks for it.
I distanced myself from her. She never did apologise.

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missbipolar · 04/10/2022 10:01

She makes a big deal out of her birthday- this year I organised a spa day her for the day after and she had a small party which I think is why I why I find it hurtful- if she wasn't really a birthday person I'd understand more

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HappyPeach · 04/10/2022 10:05

Don't read too much into it OP.

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Daisychainsx · 04/10/2022 10:11

I realised about 3 weeks ago that I had completely forgotten the birthday of my very good friend in May. She was my bridesmaid in March. We're very close. She worked with me and lived next door.
But in March I moved country and in may I got pregnant and I just had so much going on I totally forgot. Didn't even text her happy birthday.

Still love her, hasn't affected out friendship in any way, and I'll make up for it next year.

She's also been through a shit tonne of medical stuff in the past few years, but we're adults and she didn't even mention it. It hasn't affected our friendship in any way.

People are human and humans aren't perfect!

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VickyEadieofThigh · 04/10/2022 10:16

My brother forgot to send me a card this year. My birthday is within a week of his wife's (to whom I sent a card).

I'm still pretty hurt about that.

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missbipolar · 04/10/2022 10:17

I think its the fact she liked my post about my birthday but still didn't say anything that hurts? Like she can't say she forgot when she saw and liked a post about it? And the post stated it was my birthday

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Mammed · 04/10/2022 10:22

missbipolar · 04/10/2022 10:17

I think its the fact she liked my post about my birthday but still didn't say anything that hurts? Like she can't say she forgot when she saw and liked a post about it? And the post stated it was my birthday

She could've completely forgotten until she saw the post and then felt guilty about messaging you afterwards as it'd be obvious she forgot?

I honestly wouldn't think too much into it unless she gives you any other reason to think she's being "off"
It sounds like you value the friendship and I wouldn't risk potentially damaging it over something that could've been a genuine oversight.

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maddy68 · 04/10/2022 10:23

I don't really pay attention to birthdays at all not even my own. It's just another day maybe your friend is the same

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BabyOnBoard90 · 04/10/2022 10:30

Daisychainsx · 04/10/2022 10:11

I realised about 3 weeks ago that I had completely forgotten the birthday of my very good friend in May. She was my bridesmaid in March. We're very close. She worked with me and lived next door.
But in March I moved country and in may I got pregnant and I just had so much going on I totally forgot. Didn't even text her happy birthday.

Still love her, hasn't affected out friendship in any way, and I'll make up for it next year.

She's also been through a shit tonne of medical stuff in the past few years, but we're adults and she didn't even mention it. It hasn't affected our friendship in any way.

People are human and humans aren't perfect!

Perhaps I'm just sensitive but seems poor to me.

Good on your friend for not holding a grudge though. I'd struggle especially after being a bridesmaid.

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SallyWD · 04/10/2022 10:31

The post is really, really slow at the moment. I send cards 1st class, several days in advance and they're all arriving late. I think it's likely your friend has sent a card or something but it hasn't arrived yet.

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phishy · 04/10/2022 11:30

Mammed · 04/10/2022 10:22

She could've completely forgotten until she saw the post and then felt guilty about messaging you afterwards as it'd be obvious she forgot?

I honestly wouldn't think too much into it unless she gives you any other reason to think she's being "off"
It sounds like you value the friendship and I wouldn't risk potentially damaging it over something that could've been a genuine oversight.

Well it was still OP's birthday, so not too late to wish OP Happy Birthday?

I don't why people make excuses for shitty behaviour.

OP, at least now you can stop making any effort for her birthdays.

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PloddyPop · 04/10/2022 13:02

Daisychainsx · 04/10/2022 10:11

I realised about 3 weeks ago that I had completely forgotten the birthday of my very good friend in May. She was my bridesmaid in March. We're very close. She worked with me and lived next door.
But in March I moved country and in may I got pregnant and I just had so much going on I totally forgot. Didn't even text her happy birthday.

Still love her, hasn't affected out friendship in any way, and I'll make up for it next year.

She's also been through a shit tonne of medical stuff in the past few years, but we're adults and she didn't even mention it. It hasn't affected our friendship in any way.

People are human and humans aren't perfect!

You think đŸ¤”
I bet she does feel hurt
Why not make up for it now?

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APlanetFarFarAway · 04/10/2022 13:10

Maybe she's sent you something and it hasn't arrived yet?
Just wait and see. If there's no acknowledgement by the end of the day, then maybe you need to rethink the dynamics of your friendship.

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missbipolar · 04/10/2022 18:39

@AAPlanetFarFarAway my birthday was yesterday no mention of it despite liking my post, I put up another post today referencing my birthday she's also liked that one and has been messaging today but still not mentioned my birthday

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OriginalUsername2 · 04/10/2022 19:05

Delete Facebook and these ridiculous who liked what problems go away.

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missbipolar · 04/10/2022 19:15

I use fb as I live on the other side of the world from all my family

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ijustneedanamefgs · 21/01/2023 21:37

She probably thinks she has. She contacted you, checked up on you, showed concern. That’s all more important than the words happy birthday imo, which she probably thinks she has said. It’s like something I would do tbf.

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Judgyjudgy · 21/01/2023 21:39

HappyPeach · 04/10/2022 10:05

Don't read too much into it OP.

This.

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Dishwashersaurous · 21/01/2023 21:59

So did she contact you daily as normal, but just didn't say happy birthday.

Or does she normally message every day but didn't on your birthday?

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Tilllly · 21/01/2023 22:14

ijustneedanamefgs · 21/01/2023 21:37

She probably thinks she has. She contacted you, checked up on you, showed concern. That’s all more important than the words happy birthday imo, which she probably thinks she has said. It’s like something I would do tbf.

This was 3m ago

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Dishwashersaurous · 21/01/2023 22:17

I wasn't clear whether the messages were on the birthday or today.

But if they were on the day, then she contacted you and checked in but didn't say the words happy birthday in a message. Is that the actual issue?

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