Did you used to think you were really *Special

[Thesameasitwasnt]

When young?

I was talking about it with Dh and he also used to feel as a child that there was something special about him and that he could do or be anything in life.
It’s hard to explain what I mean 🙈did anyone else have this?
Was it our parents installing it in us, or just the magic of youth

I wouldn't say I thought I was special, but I did, and still do, have a lot of self confidence and truly believed I could do anything I wanted. My parents instilled this into DSis and I from a young age, which was further compounded by school. We both went to a private, all girls school, where the ethos was educate yourselves as best you can to give you choices in life, take every opportunity presented to you, even if it scares you a bit. Then you have the choice to become a doctor, lawyer, accountant, run your own business, do charity work, travel, or stay at home and look after your family - they are all equally worthwhile, but with an education behind you, you can decide what you want to do with your life without doors being closed to you. I went into investment banking, DSis is a SAHM, we're both very happy and content, albeit taken different paths. I'm so grateful for the sacrifices my parents made to put us in that position.

Jesus @aaghostinthethroat I think we've got the same ex! Mine was the most entitled, nasty piece of shit. His parents worshipped him and never once confronted him or disciplined him, consequently his attitude reeked and he was nothing but a bully.

He was constantly on the lookout for other women, as he fervently believed he "deserved" the perfect trophy girlfriend. Always had to have the best, and be the best. Unsurprisingly, he was just mediocre, and was sick with jealousy every time he found out someone he knew was better than him at something.

There's definitely a balance to be had when instilling self-belief in kids.

I did. Not in the sense that I thought the works revolves around me, but I was a gifted child (Mensa etc) and grew up being told that I had huge potential. I did go to Oxbridge but since graduating have led a pretty average life and so far not done anything world-changing the way it was suggested I might. It’s a bit overwhelming being told you are capable of anything because how do you know what to do then?

Not special, no. Different. And maybe a bit weird. I was very, very clever and it made my teachers and parents a bit nervous and ostracised me from my classmates. There was always the implication that with my brains I could do anything, but no guidance so I drifted. As an adult I mostly feel like I wasted my opportunities and wish I’d known that different and weird IS special.

I suppose I did, a bit. I had clever older brothers... but objectively via exam results I was cleverer. I was the only girl in my a level physics and chemistry sets, only one other in double maths...
I did know I was crap at sports and not great at music so not totally up myself though.

But I always had this sense that nothing really bad ever happened to me. Aged 61, that's still the case ... luck, mostly, I'm sure. That and having a DH with a rather different disposition who does think bad things could happen and bothers reads the small print on insurance etc.

There's definitely a balance to be had when instilling self-belief in kids.

yes otherwise we end up with people like Boris Johnson and Liz Truss.

Not exactly. Although I did believe that all the people who went to the church where I was sent to Sunday school were only doing it and saying all this stuff about God until I would say I believed and then would be able to laugh at me because it was all a big joke/hoax. I suppose in a sense I thought I was special for all those people to make such a big effort to fool me, but I didn't see it like that at the time. Deeply paranoid and distrustful clearly. I still don't believe anything anyone says to me. There's probably many things something wrong with me actually. Maybe it was wrapped up in all the lies about Father Christmas.. Ah well. Ps Trust No-one ..

Yes. My parents definitely made every effort to instill confidence in me. I, and other people, were often told her amazing I was.

In a way it's great, I grew up feeling that the world was my oyster and I could achieve whatever I wanted to do, but the downside is that I am SO crap at failure. Even now as an adult I really struggle with not being great at everything (which of course noone can be).

I am one of those annoying people that still think everyone is special 😄

Embarrassingly I did.
I didn’t think anyone one else had the thoughts and internal monologue that I did.
I was always very academic and went to a small rural school in the 70s (when that meant farmers rather than posh people) and I was a very big fish in a very small pond. I think I was the only person in my year that had been abroad and only 2 of us had been to London.
I got a scholarship to a Private school at 11 and while I still did pretty well other people soon caught me up

Not really me as an individual but I felt that my family was special in some way, especially interesting, capable, fun, full of history and potential. I think it comes from my mother although I have absolutely no idea how/why she instilled this as we are dead ordinary with no particular talents, history or notable qualities whatever. It was a clever trick though! Took my into my thirties before I realised it was an illusion and honestly it’s only had good effects like making me feel confident in interviews etc. 😂

@ElizabethBest and @KimberleyClark 's posts also apply to me. I was a weird and wonderful gifted child who wasn't appropriately nurtured in school, instead my shyness was used against me and I was deemed to blame for the bullying inflicted on me. At home Mum was involved with play, reading, etc. when I was primary school aged, and there were some after school activities but as she was a widow money was tight and I was unable to take part in things like piano lessons, etc. (Still can't play the piano.)

The leap to secondary school was a shock like other PPs have said - the being not just average, but struggling. I passed everything despite more bullying and burnouts, and over time just seemed to lag behind my peers and in my 40s have still not caught up in many respects.

Lo and behold, ADHD, autism and autoimmune illness were applicable throughout most of my life. So I'm "special" in that I'm an adult with SEN, but I'm owning that by actually continuing with education in that I'm enabled to do so in ways that I wasn't in school in the 80s and 90s.

I'm not sure, I know I'm odd and different, but as for special, yea, not sure for certain. I think I'm just odd really

Nope, always felt like a failure and a black sheep and still don’t fit in anywhere or do anything right.

I AM SPECIAL!!! 😂

I'm unique, just like everybody else 😎

I did! I was bright and sailed through school. I was especially good at English, without having to put any effort in. Teachers always praised my work, held it up as an example of excellence. I'd always made friends easily and life was easy. I never struggled with anything.

But as I went into my 20s, things started to crash down. Through a series of events I won't bore you with, I started to realise I wasn't special. I struggled at work, a job that should have been easy and was really aimed at school leavers and non-graduates, I struggled with. I continued to find the world of work difficult throughout my 20s and early 30s. However hard I tried, it was never quite up to standard. It was so difficult to deal with, that realisation that I was very average, and indeed - below average. I ended up having to quit the exact job I trained and slaved over, and now do an off-shoot from it. It doesn't pay as well, but I manage to be successful at it, with minimal effort, and that's good enough for me.

Learning I wasn't special in the slightest, has been a process that lasted a good 10 years, and was really, really hard for me.

Yes.
Because I grew up in a very deprived area, with academic parents. I went to a school where very , very few children managed the most basic levels of literacy etc. If they went to school at all. A really notorious school. Consequently I was given a seriously disproportionate level of opportunity compared to my peers. If there was a school competition, I won it. I was constantly put forward for scholarships, extra curricular activities, local press things. On top of this I had a unique ‘talent’ which was really the result of great (not rich, but supportive , encouraging) parents who directed me to resources in the wider world.
Teachers, grateful for a willing student, would shower me with praise and put me forward for scholarships, funding, showcasing events and so on. Looking back it was unfair and would never ever happen now.

In my family, my brother was the golden child, my sister was pretty and popular and I was meant to be the clever yet not pretty or popular one. I grew up with a very inflated sense of my own intelligence as the only thing I had going for me, and soon had to realise I wasn't actually a genius! I'm in academia now and feel an overwhelming sense of panic when I think others are cleverer than me and I'm being stupid. Of course, being in academia, there are always lots of people cleverer than me, but I have trouble seeing that this doesn't make me stupid.

I also felt special in that I was sure I was uniquely terrible and unloveable - like I was intrinsically fine, but not suited to this world. I wish I'd realised earlier in life that I was just ok, like most people. I've always struggled a bit with connecting with people. In general, realising that I wasn't uniquely terrible or different or special has been a helpful lesson for me. (Although I still sometimes fantasise about an alternate universe where I am exactly the same as I am now, but all my qualities are uniquely prized and I am universally worshipped :))

Yes very much the case, I used to think I was really beautiful as well!
It's funny because I think I had a quarter life crisis at about 26 years old working in my office job because I had come to realise that I am just 1 of a billion others and I'm not special, no one owes me anything and life is quite tough.
Oh to be a child again...

Yes, like some of the other posters I had a very vivid imagination as a child, was always reading and daydreaming about magical, exciting adventures. I was absolutely convinced I would be a famous film star or pop star or similar as an "ordinary" life did not seem to be an option. Anything seemed absolutely possible. Curiously I was incredibly quiet and shy, and my parents were DEFINITELY not the sort to tell me I was special, in fact quite the reverse ("you're nothing special/you're no oil painting" were common rebukes and my parents and teachers utterly despaired of my daydreaming, despite having a good brain I was no good at applying myself to anything academic or practical unless it had fired my imagination). But I was so caught up in my happy daydreams it did not occur to me that any of those things would be a hindrance.

When puberty struck it was as if my eyes were opened to the crushing reality that life was actually dull and monotonous and that I wasn't special at all, just shy, gawky and awkward and highly unlikely to ever be a princess or film star! I was fairly unhappy most of my adolescence, then in my early 20s I found I actually started to enjoy life again, discovered some (more realistic) ambition and have ended up doing OK in life - partner in a City law firm, through a lot of hard work and resilience rather than magic!

I was diagnosed with ADHD last year and suspect I also have ASD (my eldest child has both and other family members on my side show similar traits). I think this probably explains the scale of my vivid childhood imagination/daydreaming and disconnection from reality until I couldn't maintain it any longer. Once I "woke up" to reality it took me a very long time to channel my hyperfocus somewhere else positively.

I also completely agree with the posters who said that over-praising children can given them an unrealistic sense of special-ness. My sister (unlike me) was very academic, top of the class every term and parents and teachers were always telling her how great she was and how well she would do in life. She did do very well until she finished Uni, but then real life seemed to terrify her. She has ended up doing very little with her qualifications and feels disappointed with how her life turned out. I think she thought everyone would carry on rolling out the red carpet wherever she went and when it wasn't like that she couldn't cope.

I also had a boyfriend at Uni whose parents had instilled in him a belief that he was incredibly brilliant, special and could do anything he wanted. He would get furious when things did not work out that way. He did an English degree and was incensed to get a 2.2. Apparently it wasn't his fault that he "didn't like reading" (errrrmm....) and the exam board should have awarded his degree on his capability not a "stupid arbitrary exam result". I still hear about him through a mutual friend sometimes and he has not changed much but has managed to marry a rich woman who keeps him in the manner to which he feels he deserves!

Yes I felt like that too. My mum told me all the time how amazing I was and special and how I was meant to be here etc. Likely emphasised by the fact that I was the "only" everything (child, grandchild, niece) for the first 9 years of my life. But not having my dad around contradicted that sometimes as I felt unimportant and unwanted by him! Now in my early 30s, I feel far more like your average Joe and I'm ok with that!

I love this 😂😂

Not at all special. I'd frequently hear from mother, "Why aren't you more like your sister?" A loud bully, you mean? "You're more trouble than you're worth." Thanks mum. It's taken me a long time to realise that I'm no better, no worse than anyone else. I have lovely friends who'd come to my aid when I need it, often unasked, so I can't be that bad, can I?

No, never. In fact thinking you were in any way special was positively frowned upon. … ‘well, would you look at her, isn’t she the fine one’ accompanied by an eye roll would soon put a stop to that nonsense.

Going to confession every week helped stop any feelings of being special too. I was well aware of my shortfalls 😂

To the shock of my husband I still do 😂