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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Is this a weird age difference?!

55 replies

RelationshipAdvice93 · 03/10/2022 22:25

So a friend of mine (female) has recently gone from dating men to dating women, however her latest relationship is slightly weirding me out because of the ages…

I don’t mind an age difference (there is 10 years between my other friend and her partner) but my friend is late 20’s and this new woman she is talking to is 20… there is roughly around 8 years difference between the 2 of them, but the woman has only just turned 20 so has only just stopped being a teenager whereas my friend is nearly 30 years old…

I just can’t get my head around it because it feels slightly pervy… AIBU?!

OP posts:
MarshmallowsOnToast · 03/10/2022 22:28

8 years difference is absolutely fine. They are both adults.

Loics · 03/10/2022 22:33

No, it isn't weird.

SpeckofDustUponMySoul · 03/10/2022 22:34

I really don't see what the issue is...

cooolio · 03/10/2022 22:34

Nope. Not weird

Original poster
RelationshipAdvice93 · 03/10/2022 22:34

It just weirds me out that last year this woman was a teenage girl and we feel really old in comparison to that! (We are the same age me and my friend)

OP posts:
pangolina · 03/10/2022 22:35

Not weird at all

LifeIsBusy · 03/10/2022 22:35

🤣.

Not weird.

PugInTheHouse · 03/10/2022 22:35

Doesn't sound like much of a gap to me and definitely not weird, they are both in their 20s.

WhileMyGuitarGentlyWeeps · 03/10/2022 22:35

Don't be daft. Aged 20 and aged 'late 20s?' Slightly pervy?! The fact you say this says a lot more about YOU to be honest. Hmm

whokilledlizandseb · 03/10/2022 22:35

How is that weird?

ChiefWiggumsBoy · 03/10/2022 22:36

I don’t like it. Those ages are in totally different times of life. What could they possibly have in common?

Mumsnet in general seems to be very defensive of age gap relationships.

MsVestibule · 03/10/2022 22:36

Not weird in the slightest. When I was 20, I dated a 28yo man for four years. The age difference never occurred to me and not a single person commented on it.

Georgeskitchen · 03/10/2022 22:39

RelationshipAdvice93 · 03/10/2022 22:34

It just weirds me out that last year this woman was a teenage girl and we feel really old in comparison to that! (We are the same age me and my friend)

Last year she was 19, an adult

Dammitthisisshit · 03/10/2022 22:41

I also dated men with that age gap and at the time didn’t see anything wrong with it. Then when I got to late 20s I couldn’t imagine dating a 20 year old. You do a massive amount of maturing between 20 and 30.

Treebranch · 03/10/2022 22:41

I find it hard to relate to. At 29, I would never have wanted to date a 20 year old. That's still undergraduate age! But there's nothing wrong with it as such.

1dayatatime · 03/10/2022 22:44

I think the rule of thumb is half your age plus 7 years.

So assuming your friend is 28 then that would get to 22. So yes maybe her girlfriend at 20 years old is a tad on the young side but it's only 2 years, nothing major, both consenting adults, nobody is getting hurt, who cares and an element of lucky her dating someone younger.

CheezePleeze · 03/10/2022 22:46

RelationshipAdvice93 · 03/10/2022 22:34

It just weirds me out that last year this woman was a teenage girl and we feel really old in comparison to that! (We are the same age me and my friend)

Last year she was an adult.

1dayatatime · 03/10/2022 22:50

Actually 28 divided by two is 14 plus 7 is 21 (not 22).

Clearly I'm shit at maths but I'm going blame it being late and a long day.

Jknow · 03/10/2022 22:54

Don’t shoot me down but with the majority of the population being heterosexual, it must be a lot tougher to find a gay relationship, as the pool
is a lot smaller. Maybe in an ideal world she’d have preferred her gf to be a bit older, but finds enough about her to like to give it a try.

LifeIsaRollerCoaster1 · 03/10/2022 22:59

My friend did the same when she was 31/32 she left her husband who was 38 and started pursuing women who were around 20. I found it very unsettling to be honest, the girls she was dating were mentally at the same stage as her, didn't really know what they wanted and were happy to mess around with her no strings attached. It was odd though. She ended up marrying a girl over 10 years younger, the girl she married is a very immature 26 year old, she's late 30s now. I still don't really understand the dynamic, she's like the parent and the wife is like the child. (I love my friend and have never said any if this to her obviously!)

UmbrellaSparrow · 03/10/2022 23:28

A 10 year age gap is absolutely fine... But an 8 year age gap absolutely not?? ..... From your logic, the bigger the age gap the more acceptable the relationship.. 🤔

figtrees · 04/10/2022 01:07

My ex was 8 years younger than me and it was fine. Current partner is 6 years younger than me.
I guess a lot depends on attitudes, values and if you act your age. Surely if the 20 year old woman was still acting like a teenager your friend would have gotten bored pretty quickly, it just wouldnt be sustainable. I act (and look) a lot younger than most women my age, which means nobody can tell there's any age gap if I date somebody younger. It's all about how dynamic. Nothing wrong with it in my opinion and the gap will seem less and less significant as they get older.

StarlightLady · 04/10/2022 03:40

Not weird and not anything to do with anyone else.

ReeseWitherfork · 04/10/2022 03:50

UmbrellaSparrow · 03/10/2022 23:28

A 10 year age gap is absolutely fine... But an 8 year age gap absolutely not?? ..... From your logic, the bigger the age gap the more acceptable the relationship.. 🤔

No she’s basically saying it’s not the age gap that necessarily causing her ick, more the fact she’s dating a 20 year old.

Musti · 04/10/2022 04:36

Yes it’s weird imo