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AIBU?

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Original poster

People constantly saying they can't imagine me doing things

45 replies

Weareunlovedd · 03/10/2022 22:22

I've heard people say a couple of times that they can't imagine me listening to X genre of music, one bloke said he'd have thought I liked pop, based on what I don't know 🙄
I was invited to a gig and a woman I don't know said about me, "Oh I can't imagine her liking that sort of music."
I've been told I "don't look like a clubber." This was during coffee on a date in the middle of the afternoon. Do they walk round wearing hotpants and stilettos or something?
Work in teaching and people 'can't imagine me being a teacher/can't Imagine me telling off children.'
It's just a weird thing to say, I can't accurately Imagine them doing their jobs either because I've never seen them doing it in person, doesn't mean I don't think they're suited to it.
A friend told me she "Can't imagine me being a Mum" I've never told her that I dislike children or anything like that so I really don't know what it was based on.
Anyway I get this a lot. According to them, I should be some sort of dowdy librarian who doesn't go out and only listens to classical music!
It's just weird and I don't really know how to react. A lot of it is quite narrow-minded and just lacking in imagination. I'm quiet and introverted which is why they're saying these things.
Would this get on anyone else's nerves? How could I react?

OP posts:
Original poster
Weareunlovedd · 03/10/2022 22:24

If it's a close friend who says something like, "That music isn't really her cup of tea, I don't think she'll like it." Then that's totally fine.
However this was some woman who I'd literally said hi to once and decided she knows my music tastes!

OP posts:
Original poster
Weareunlovedd · 03/10/2022 22:25

Just remembered another occasion where a date was 'surprised' to learn I liked rap music 🤔

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TheLostNights · 03/10/2022 22:26

I've had this as well.
From people telling me they can't imagine me being in a relationship or married and the most ridiculous, I scored a goal once during an adult netball session. A team mate who I kind of knew said 'Because you're so quiet, I thought you were going to do something pathetic. Can't believe how you powered that ball in'.
I've learnt to just ignore. People can be phenomenally stupid at times.

RedHelenB · 03/10/2022 22:27

Seems a funny thing to be getting worked up about. Usually I wouldn't associate clubbing with a quiet, introverted type.

PangolinPie · 03/10/2022 22:28

I genuinely think some people just say things for the sake of talking, with no actual thought behind it. And then forget all about it.

I've think your quietness probably makes people feel entitled to make statements about what they think you might be like, as you've suggested. Either ignore it or contradict them, seems the choice to be made. I would ignore.

Original poster
Weareunlovedd · 03/10/2022 22:29

You can still enjoy clubbing and be quiet. It's for everyone..
I do think people sprout complete nonsense for the sake of filling the air sometimes.

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PangolinPie · 03/10/2022 22:30

P.s I DO think you're over-thinking though. Honestly, people don't think about other people all that deeply, especially if it's not individuals you have much to do with.

Original poster
Weareunlovedd · 03/10/2022 22:31

The music thing is laughable.
It reminds me of being in school when people who Listened to Linkin Park and the like wore black and dressed a certain way. I think some adults still have this sort of mentality and think if you listen to rock for example, you must automatically dress and be a certain way. So odd

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Frazzledmummy123 · 03/10/2022 22:31

I am quiet and introverted and get this all the time. Recently I was in a conversation with acquIntances and friends of theirs, talking about going out clubbing years ago and downing aftershocks. Someone said "oh, I couldn't imagine you ever doing that". Irked me a bit as was it to be assumed I sat in my room and read a book every night.
I have also had reactions of shock when I said I am married with kids. Very bizarre that it is assumed that if you are a quiet person, you don't do certain stuff.

Original poster
Weareunlovedd · 03/10/2022 22:32

Some of it is random strangers and some close friends. I am possibly overthinking, I'm just getting sick of being judged so much

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Original poster
Weareunlovedd · 03/10/2022 22:33

Sorry to hear you've had it too, these people are just incredibly narrow minded and have zero imagination. I'd love to say something back but I don't know what.

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Frazzledmummy123 · 03/10/2022 22:35

Weareunlovedd · 03/10/2022 22:32

Some of it is random strangers and some close friends. I am possibly overthinking, I'm just getting sick of being judged so much

I don't think you are overthinking at all, it is understandable to find some assumptions made of you because you are quieter natured annoying.

user1471554720 · 03/10/2022 22:42

People think they can say what they like when you are quiet snd that you won't answer back. I ask them 'what do you mean', what makes you say that. If they make joke just say, I would NEVER be cheeky and judge OTHER PEOPLE. They won't be expecting that answer and they may think twice before making twatty renarks again.

At least they are not saying 'you are very quiet. At least I am not a loudarse like you.

Pirrin · 03/10/2022 22:44

People say weird things sometimes. I remember a friend saying how funny it was that I wasn't at all maternal and they couldn't imagine me ever having a baby. I was crushed. They had no idea I was struggling with lots of aspects of life and was clinging to the hope that parenting would some day be the one thing I'd be any good at. I doubt they remembered that passing comment by the next day but it stuck with me for years even though it was meaningless. Please try not to take anything from it, it's just an oversharing of their random thoughts

Original poster
Weareunlovedd · 03/10/2022 22:44

Yes you're right, I do need to challenge them.
Oh I've been called quiet and shy plenty of times, people ask me, "Are you shy?" Or "why are you shy?" What the fuck do you want me to say?

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user1471554720 · 03/10/2022 22:44

I meant a loudarse commenting on a quiet person, not the original OP.

echt · 03/10/2022 22:45

If you think about it OP, such people are proclaiming their lack of imagination. An odd thing to boast about. Grin

Original poster
Weareunlovedd · 03/10/2022 22:46

I used to live abroad and I remember taking a taxi one day. Maybe I wasn't at that point as confident in another language but I tried, anyway the driver wouldn't stop banging on about me being shy, asking me why I'm shy and so on.

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Original poster
Weareunlovedd · 03/10/2022 22:46

That's a very good point! I'll say to them, "You must have a terrible imagination then!"

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TheCheesecakeIsPoisoned · 03/10/2022 22:49

YANBU. I am quiet and people are always shocked when i swear for some reason. I think some people just think quiet people have no personality or something?

CherrySocks · 03/10/2022 22:49

echt · 03/10/2022 22:45

If you think about it OP, such people are proclaiming their lack of imagination. An odd thing to boast about. Grin

Exactly what I was about to say. And it's true, a lot of people do lack imagination.
They form a stereotype about someone and are then surprised when they are wrong.

Original poster
Weareunlovedd · 03/10/2022 22:50

I'm sick of quieter people being judged in every area of life

OP posts:
DoodlePug · 03/10/2022 22:52

Humans survived for centuries using pattern recognition and profiling. Our brains are wired for it so perhaps you don't fit the standard profile for a clubber or whatever.

However, as intelligent human beings we are supposed to realise this and challenge our biased brains. I really can't see why people say these things out loud.

But really either challenge them on it or ignore it.

Tanfastic · 03/10/2022 22:52

This annoys me too op. I get it a fair bit too. More than once I've had people comment I don't look like the sort of person to drink red wine Confused. Apparently I look more of a Prosecco girl whatever the fuck that means. Always irritates me a bit I don't know why.

Doingmybest12 · 03/10/2022 22:52

People make remarks to me. This has happened in 3 work place settings. The first time I was really upset and angry. By the third time I kind of decided there must be something about the way I am that means they make the assumption and feel they can say it. I have owned it noe really, if that's the worst they can say its fine. Its not something awful and these are people I get on with so really dont think it is malice. I feel much more relaxed about it now.