DH has been unwell for a few weeks. His stomach won’t take rich foods but he agreed a roast dinner would be ok as it’s just meat, vegetables and gravy really.
I haven’t made one all summer and was stressing trying to remember the timings. Near the end I asked if he could help, but he said he wasn’t feeling well, I said don’t worry and went to do it myself (I’d asked if he could cut the meat and finish the gravy). He then started talking to me from the other room, extractor fan going so I had to keep walking back to the other room to hear him, whilst trying not to let stuff burn. He said he’d come in and help in a minute, so I thought great, he’s well enough to help a bit.
When he comes in he’s making the gravy and I ask how long till it’s ready, he’s just giving awkward answers like “I don’t know” rather than having a best guess. I need to get in the oven as the roasted carrots are burning, and he starts telling me I should have put tin foil on them before they got to that stage and saying to me that I was doing everything weird. At that point I admit I got fed up and asked if he wanted to cook instead. I’d been trying really hard to get everything right but I was months out of practice and felt attacked so snapped a bit.
He threw the utensil he was holding across the room and stormed off swearing, saying to throw his in the bin, that was 3 hours ago and he’s still in bed. I finished cooking, put his out and went upstairs to tell him it was ready and he just said he wasn’t hungry. It’s still on the plate.
AIBU that this is a severe over reaction (ill or not) and is also massively disrespectful to not even eat the food I’d spent effort on? I’ve cleaned up in the kitchen, emptied the dishwasher, sorted the pets, been to the shop to buy food for his lunch, and he’s still in bed and hasn’t said a word to me. Am I in the wrong that much for snapping about the carrots and the tin foil? I’m starting to think there’s something else going on with him to react in this way.
AIBU?
DH refused dinner over a carrot, 3 hour+ sulk
Eliza667 · 03/10/2022 20:51
Blix · 03/10/2022 21:16
You are both being a bit dramatic over a simple roast dinner.
Montymorency · 03/10/2022 21:50
how would you actually burn carrots
PortalooSunset · 03/10/2022 21:52
Absolutely this.
Blix · 03/10/2022 21:16
You are both being a bit dramatic over a simple roast dinner.
Eliza667 · 03/10/2022 21:30
I’d give it the benefit of the doubt and go with that @purplethings if he hadn’t said he had wanted a roast, and his appetite has been fine for days now, just limited on types of food he can safely eat. I didn’t want him to “save” the meal, and didn’t ask for help with the timings, I just wanted him to carve the meat and stir the gravy. I screwed the carrots up but I would have let that go as a side effect of not making a roast for 6 months, it was him who decided to tell me I was doing everything weird and telling me what I should be doing instead. I didn’t ask him to tell me all the things I was doing wrong.
If he doesn’t want certain foods, (e.g. if when we bought the stuff he did but now he’s changed his mind) he needs to tell me the truth not let me spend hours of my time prepping and cooking it just for it to go to waste. The stuff would have kept.
What do I do if he’s still in bed when I want to go to bed? We’ve NEVER gone to bed on an argument before, I’ve got work in the morning and will have to leave early with no time to sort this out before I go, which is dragging in on to 24 hours at that point.. do I try and talk to him or hold me ground? Do I give in and sleep in the spare room? I’ve seriously never been in this situation with him before.
bellsbuss · 03/10/2022 22:10
How can you forget how to cook a roast ?
Eliza667 · 03/10/2022 22:07
As I’m being asked this a lot, he asked for the roast dinner. I didn’t guilt him in to it, I didn’t make him something he didn’t want, are you guys really attacking me for cooking a meal for him because it was the wrong meal? How about, I’m cooking him 3 meals a day right now and trying to think of variety of meat and veg he can eat so he doesn’t get fed up? I also didn’t force him to help, I just asked if he would be able to and when I said no I actually told him not to worry and he was the one who changed his mind.
I don’t think he’s actually asleep @NeverCleanAgain , he was lay on his phone when I went up with some laundry earlier.
What upset me wasn’t the carrots but the way he reacted and how he’s been since. I also never blamed him for the carrots, not sure where some of you are getting that from, he blamed me for doing it wrong?!
I’ve never been in this situation, so sorry if the bed thing sounds weird but we always sort stuff out well before it’s gone on this long over bigger stuff than this. I don’t know why people usually sleep in different beds or what leads to it, and what the “right” thing to do here is.
@coffeeandpoetry He’s had a stomach upset for a few weeks, not months. he handled a burger (that he wanted) totally fine the other night. I didn’t have a go at him, he started telling me I was doing everything weird.
@Avidreader69 only what I said in the OP, I just said “do you want to cook?”. It was a flippant response to him trying to tell me I was doing everything weird, just felt a bit harsh to start pulling me up on my cooking skills.
the only thing I said about the carrots was “oh no the carrots are burning”. That was it, I didn’t go on about it. I get it, roast carrots are easy, but I screwed the carrots up because I put them in too early. It’s not a big deal but I’d really appreciate people not getting caught up telling me how easy carrots are and I shouldn’t have needed his help. 🙄 sometimes stuff goes wrong, we’re all human, and usually we rely on DH to support us when things go wrong not fight us over it. Why did I offer if I was out of practice? Because he asked for it and I wanted to do something nice to try and make him feel better. More fool me.
I agree, gravy takes minutes, he’d been stirring it for 10 and it wasn’t ready, other stuff was going to burn if I didn’t put it out and our kitchen is too small to store it elsewhere, was it really so bad to ask how much longer it would be so I knew if I could start putting everything else out?
I’m working full time and he knows I’m having a particularly hard time right now at work, I’m cooking him 3 meals a day, it just felt a bit unreasonable for him to complain that the way I was cooking was wrong and then huff all night about it and not talk to me.
Glitteratitar · 03/10/2022 22:12
So you snapped at him and are now upset he reacted to you snapping by getting annoyed himself.
Whilst he’s obviously stressed about this mysterious illness.
You both need to act like the grown ups you’re meant to be.
Blix · 03/10/2022 21:16
You are both being a bit dramatic over a simple roast dinner.
justasking111 · 03/10/2022 22:13
Gave up counting how many times in this post you've used the words .
I - IM - ME. Think about it
Eliza667 · 03/10/2022 22:07
As I’m being asked this a lot, he asked for the roast dinner. I didn’t guilt him in to it, I didn’t make him something he didn’t want, are you guys really attacking me for cooking a meal for him because it was the wrong meal? How about, I’m cooking him 3 meals a day right now and trying to think of variety of meat and veg he can eat so he doesn’t get fed up? I also didn’t force him to help, I just asked if he would be able to and when I said no I actually told him not to worry and he was the one who changed his mind.
I don’t think he’s actually asleep @NeverCleanAgain , he was lay on his phone when I went up with some laundry earlier.
What upset me wasn’t the carrots but the way he reacted and how he’s been since. I also never blamed him for the carrots, not sure where some of you are getting that from, he blamed me for doing it wrong?!
I’ve never been in this situation, so sorry if the bed thing sounds weird but we always sort stuff out well before it’s gone on this long over bigger stuff than this. I don’t know why people usually sleep in different beds or what leads to it, and what the “right” thing to do here is.
@coffeeandpoetry He’s had a stomach upset for a few weeks, not months. he handled a burger (that he wanted) totally fine the other night. I didn’t have a go at him, he started telling me I was doing everything weird.
@Avidreader69 only what I said in the OP, I just said “do you want to cook?”. It was a flippant response to him trying to tell me I was doing everything weird, just felt a bit harsh to start pulling me up on my cooking skills.
the only thing I said about the carrots was “oh no the carrots are burning”. That was it, I didn’t go on about it. I get it, roast carrots are easy, but I screwed the carrots up because I put them in too early. It’s not a big deal but I’d really appreciate people not getting caught up telling me how easy carrots are and I shouldn’t have needed his help. 🙄 sometimes stuff goes wrong, we’re all human, and usually we rely on DH to support us when things go wrong not fight us over it. Why did I offer if I was out of practice? Because he asked for it and I wanted to do something nice to try and make him feel better. More fool me.
I agree, gravy takes minutes, he’d been stirring it for 10 and it wasn’t ready, other stuff was going to burn if I didn’t put it out and our kitchen is too small to store it elsewhere, was it really so bad to ask how much longer it would be so I knew if I could start putting everything else out?
I’m working full time and he knows I’m having a particularly hard time right now at work, I’m cooking him 3 meals a day, it just felt a bit unreasonable for him to complain that the way I was cooking was wrong and then huff all night about it and not talk to me.
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Eliza667 · 03/10/2022 22:18
Weirdly because I’m the one seemingly being interrogated for cooking my DH the wrong meal despite it being what he asked for, and for some bizarre reason, defending myself over how I got the timing of roast carrots wrong?
I was after advice on how to handle the situation with DH, not tips to be successful on the next masterchef.
justasking111 · 03/10/2022 22:13
Gave up counting how many times in this post you've used the words .
I - IM - ME. Think about it
Eliza667 · 03/10/2022 22:07
As I’m being asked this a lot, he asked for the roast dinner. I didn’t guilt him in to it, I didn’t make him something he didn’t want, are you guys really attacking me for cooking a meal for him because it was the wrong meal? How about, I’m cooking him 3 meals a day right now and trying to think of variety of meat and veg he can eat so he doesn’t get fed up? I also didn’t force him to help, I just asked if he would be able to and when I said no I actually told him not to worry and he was the one who changed his mind.
I don’t think he’s actually asleep @NeverCleanAgain , he was lay on his phone when I went up with some laundry earlier.
What upset me wasn’t the carrots but the way he reacted and how he’s been since. I also never blamed him for the carrots, not sure where some of you are getting that from, he blamed me for doing it wrong?!
I’ve never been in this situation, so sorry if the bed thing sounds weird but we always sort stuff out well before it’s gone on this long over bigger stuff than this. I don’t know why people usually sleep in different beds or what leads to it, and what the “right” thing to do here is.
@coffeeandpoetry He’s had a stomach upset for a few weeks, not months. he handled a burger (that he wanted) totally fine the other night. I didn’t have a go at him, he started telling me I was doing everything weird.
@Avidreader69 only what I said in the OP, I just said “do you want to cook?”. It was a flippant response to him trying to tell me I was doing everything weird, just felt a bit harsh to start pulling me up on my cooking skills.
the only thing I said about the carrots was “oh no the carrots are burning”. That was it, I didn’t go on about it. I get it, roast carrots are easy, but I screwed the carrots up because I put them in too early. It’s not a big deal but I’d really appreciate people not getting caught up telling me how easy carrots are and I shouldn’t have needed his help. 🙄 sometimes stuff goes wrong, we’re all human, and usually we rely on DH to support us when things go wrong not fight us over it. Why did I offer if I was out of practice? Because he asked for it and I wanted to do something nice to try and make him feel better. More fool me.
I agree, gravy takes minutes, he’d been stirring it for 10 and it wasn’t ready, other stuff was going to burn if I didn’t put it out and our kitchen is too small to store it elsewhere, was it really so bad to ask how much longer it would be so I knew if I could start putting everything else out?
I’m working full time and he knows I’m having a particularly hard time right now at work, I’m cooking him 3 meals a day, it just felt a bit unreasonable for him to complain that the way I was cooking was wrong and then huff all night about it and not talk to me.
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