To think the leather flag is inappropriate for work?

[Tootief]

Disclaimer: I can be a prude and purse my lips a bit too often.

Someone at work has the leather flag as their teams background and email picture. It is used by gay men to show they like BDSM.

Lots of people have various LGBT flags as their backgrounds/pictures which, if you don't know them can make conversations easier eg when making small talk about families/partners.

However, surely being into kink is a private matter? It's nothing to be ashamed or embarrassed about but I don't need to know that you like to be whipped. How will that enhance our working relationship? Hi Dave, did you have a good weekend? Did you get to try those new ropes out with your dom? I'm pleased to hear the new lube worked well and you don't need to sit on a cushion this week. Now, let's look at that spreadsheet...

@LemonDrop22 I was researching this a while back (part of something for a Uni essay) and I seem to remember part of it links to Operation Spanner in the 1980s, where gay men were prosecuted for consensual kink acts, whereas similar acts in a straight relationship had been considered acceptable/legal. Correct me if I have that wrong though, as the exact details escape me now.

Ahh I see NewBoots got there before me!

See I thought I was a woman of the world but then you learn this (and it's nothing like the leather flag I'd envisaged!)
Nah, he's shouldn't be using that for his background. My friend runs a company for kink stuff and it would be ok in their business circles I guess but not if you're in PwC or something.

My friend is dating someone who likes having tubes put up his penis.

Christ, I can't even get one into Victoria Station 😂.

Wouldn't have known it existed but if you can have lgbt flags they can have leather surely? They're both advertising their personal preferences so not fair to single that one out.

@iklboo 🤣🤣

Someone once objected to my screen saver.

It was a picture of my nephew having his first spag bol and my colleague said the picture of the "dirty baby made her "feel sick every time she walked past my desk"

Wonder what she'd make of the BDSM flag 😂

This

YABU you either ban all flags or you allow all flags. You don’t get to decide which are valid and which are not.

I don’t expect anyone to be having sex at work and believe colleagues sexual orientation, sexual preferences, paraphilia etc. are not suitable topics for work discussions so believe the flags belong outside work. I’m not a prude but there is a time and place.

I have just had a look for a "vanilla flag" so I can advertise my sexual preferences at work. Sadly can't find one, but now have some excellent new cake recipes.

I find it strange that there are no published guidelines/standards/limits for backgrounds, profile pictures, signatures, etc. on Teams and email. Perhaps they just deal with it on a case by case basis if someone complains? But even if it's a completely internal system (no interaction with clients, vendors, prospects, etc.) I'd think some types of display could cause conflict that's better avoided in a professional setting. What happens if someone puts up the Confederate flag or the Daesh/ISIS flag or the No Ma'am flag? Even political opinions widely recognised as legitimate (Scottish independence, Irish reunification, abolishing the monarchy, etc.) could cause unnecessary conflict and time-wasting.

If there were/are limits, though, I suppose the company might view the original LGBT+ flag as a different category than the leather flag, as sexual orientation and gender reassignment are protected categories and sexual preference, practices, kink, etc are not.

It’s just so unfair!
Why do kinksters get a flag, but vanillas don’t?
This feels discriminatory againts vanillas.
Also, what about kink-shamers?
They also should have their own flag.

None of that is sfw. Your sexuality or politics or kink should have no impact on your ability to do your job (including being discriminated against) or how people view you.

Really? Rather than thinking “Fuck, that’s weird” and moving on with your life, or having a quiet word if you were feeling genuinely uncomfortable or offended, you’d quit your job? I wish I had that kind of money!

But how can you keep sexual orientation out of the workplace? Unless you never talk to your colleagues at all?

I mean, I know that my boss “Sarah” and her husband “Tom” are currently house hunting because they have a new baby on the way - that tells me something about Sarah’s sexual orientation. I know that my colleague “John” is planning his wedding to his partner “Michael” - that also tells me something about John’s sexual orientation. What exactly is inappropriate about that in a workplace?

Sexual practices are of course different (and not at all appropriate in most workplaces), but it is depressing that in 2022 some people still think that sexual orientation is something to be kept secret.

This post is why I love Mumsnet 👏

I didn’t even know there was a leather flag let alone be able to tell you what it looks like. Probably says more about you that your so interested. Do you hide any children you have from work colleagues or are you happy to let them know you have a taste for bare back vaginal intercourse?

@TwoWrightFeet One, did you actually read my posts?

Two, are you really comparing inane chit chat about families with advertising that you like getting spanked? The first is normal small talk, the second is not. I guess the face to face equivalent is a family photo on your desk compared with having a gimp suit hanging on your chair.

@TwoWrightFeet enjoy your kinks as much as you like with consenting adults. I just didn't think it is an appropriate place to shout about it and it looks like most people agree.

There is a difference between talking about partners, spouse etc. and using flags promoting different sexual orientations.

The former I consider natural and whilst you can make assumptions no one should be required to say I am asexual, I’m heterosexual, I’m celibate, I’m gay etc. in the office. How do you know Tom is not short for Thomasina.

Flags on the other hand are more complex. Who decided what each flag means? I certainly don’t recall being consulted. For example the purple white & green flag has been the suffragette colours for over a century, but some consider them to be the genderqueer pride flag. That could cause an unnecessary offence in the office.