To think the leather flag is inappropriate for work?

[Tootief]

Disclaimer: I can be a prude and purse my lips a bit too often.

Someone at work has the leather flag as their teams background and email picture. It is used by gay men to show they like BDSM.

Lots of people have various LGBT flags as their backgrounds/pictures which, if you don't know them can make conversations easier eg when making small talk about families/partners.

However, surely being into kink is a private matter? It's nothing to be ashamed or embarrassed about but I don't need to know that you like to be whipped. How will that enhance our working relationship? Hi Dave, did you have a good weekend? Did you get to try those new ropes out with your dom? I'm pleased to hear the new lube worked well and you don't need to sit on a cushion this week. Now, let's look at that spreadsheet...

Is it a right to practice BDSM?

It's not like people have been stopped from practising BDSM if they want to (in non public places).

@WeAreOnTheRoadToNowhere yes, don't worry, we had a tea party with loads of purple and green rosettes to celebrate a woman's event. I think there might still be bunting up in one of the rooms. It's awful that I can't remember what event though.

The tea party wasn't because it's "what women do". It's the default event for any celebration.

I’d just think this person is an attention seeker. I don’t know why people are desperate to advertise personal things about themselves to others, especially at work. I couldn’t give a fuck if you’re gay, trans, have kinks, just do your fucking job. 🙄

You're not a prude. If the general advice for diminishing bully's power is to imagine them on the toilet, then I can't see how imagining a colleague's red-raw arse whenever they contribute to a teams meeting is going to focus your mind on business. Not least because my brain would refuse to disengage with the suspicion that the colleague was privately getting off on the idea of everyone thinking about his red-raw arse.

I never would have guessed that's what the flag stood for

If you have to Google something to be offended by it you really are trying hard.

@Riapia I wasn't looking to be offended - honest! 🤣

I would you not google a flag you'd not seen before out of curiosity?

@DeanStockwelll I would but he'd probably tell me things I really don't want to know because he's clearly into sharing his sex exploits.

My friend is dating someone who likes having tubes put up his penis.

Do you not google things that you don’t know? Thats what people do. And yes, then I’d find it inappropriate for work.

Whoops, pressed send too soon.

I was going to say, I wouldn't be up for that, not least because I'd be terrier of hurting him (in a bad way). She is getting into it all though so she's happy.

I guess this is the logical consequence of the “bring your whole self to work” concept

I’ve always thought it needed some limits…

@minipie no limits, just a safe word.

There is probably a leather enthusiast joker in the team who is having a secret joke because they think that no on will realise that they are advertising a sexual practice.

It is entirely different from the ubiquitous pride flag which is used as a symbol of equality and inclusion of gay people, almost certainly championed by the company.

But this is a flag that denotes intimate preferences about how an individual is turned on.

When I was a boss I would have given anyone who did this very short shrift.

Aside from the work issue, which is a different conversation entirely, they actually have though
Many common BDSM practices are considered in law as things you can’t consent to (even if you do, enthusiastically). There has been legal trouble over peoples private enjoyment of bdsm because it is illegal.

There is a difference between recognising something as being inappropriate in the workplace and being offended.

Obviously.

And the OP has not said that she is remotely 'offended'. She says, for example, "It's nothing to be ashamed or embarrassed about"

If you have to misunderstand and misread in order to be smug you really are trying hard.

Yeaaahhh, it’s probably inappropriate.
And he knows this.

It is inappropriate but HR may well back him up so it’s probably best to ignore it

He probably wants people to ask him what the flag is. Perv.

How did private sex acts get reported in order to become "legal trouble"?

Massively inappropriate. Why would you do that unless you're a massive attention-seeker, you get off on the effect on others, or you don't actually know what it means. None of those things reflect well on him.

You shouldn't have Googled, you should have just asked Dave what the flag was.

Yes it's inappropriate for a work back ground.

Do you think Dave knows what it is? Maybe someone set it for him as a "joke"?

It strikes me that there is an element of enjoying other people’s responses/confusion/discomfort and that’s getting close to making unconsenting people a part of your sexual experience (like exhibitionism).

Reminds me of an old perv where I worked as a teen that liked to leave his tabloid rag open on page 3 in the lunch room.

God that is horrible.

Why do men always think the rest of the world want to know about their kinks? Just fuck off!

Look up "Operation Spanner".

It reminds me of that bloke at the NSPCC who took photos of himself in the work toilets in all his rubber gear and then published them. And the NSPCC only took action because people made a fuss, and even then there was still talk about how it was so 'homophobic' to object to it!