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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not let DS meet up with someone online?

54 replies

ladus · 02/10/2022 19:38

I know these days teens (and some adults) meet each other online etc but I can't help but be a bit concerned.

DS is 17, he has ADHD and suspected autism which makes him vulnerable. He's said he's been texting a boy (16) on Instagram since about July and they're now good friends, and this boy has listened to everything DS has to say and he seems to understand him, DS wants to meet him. My issue is this boy only has 1 picture of himself on his instagram and he doesn't look 16 at all, they've never called but DS has said this doesn't matter as they've texted nearly everyday since July.

I've said no to them meeting just yet but I'm not sure if I'm doing the right thing.

AIBU?

OP posts:
2bazookas · 02/10/2022 21:34

Say his friend is invited to tea on Sunday to meet the family.

EfficientDynamics · 02/10/2022 21:40

Bananaman123 · 02/10/2022 20:31

Break Bednar immediately came to mind too

Yes, that came to mind when I read this

A lovely young innocent boy who met a lunatic

KeepOutingMyselfAnotherNameChange · 02/10/2022 21:52

Absolutely not! Nooooo.

2ManyPjs · 02/10/2022 21:55

Could you find out his full name and do a bit of research to verify he does exist under that name and is also a teenager?

Agree, FaceTime or some kind of video call is a good idea

TwocksAway · 02/10/2022 22:03

We have the exact same situation with our, slightly older, ADHD/ASD teen op. It’s terrifying.

There have been a couple of occasions where he has ‘met’ a girlfriend online and wanted to meet up with them. DH has dutifully driven him miles, even staying over in a hotel with DS on one occasion, because he gets so fixated with meeting up we’d worry he would dash off and go alone if we said no.

We just managed to stop him meeting up with a male friend at a city 50 odd miles away this weekend, he wanted to stay 2 nights! It’s only because he didn’t have enough money for the train and we refused to drive this time that he didn’t go. I’m terrified he’s going to end up in bits in a suitcase on waste ground Or something, it’s making me ill. So sorry you are also having to deal with this nightmare.

ZooTropia · 02/10/2022 23:12

How far apart do they live? Invite him over to your area. You never know, he may have a parent thinking the same about your son. You know your son isn't a nutter, but they may have the same fears

Mumtobabyhavoc · 03/10/2022 01:06

ladus · 02/10/2022 19:38

I know these days teens (and some adults) meet each other online etc but I can't help but be a bit concerned.

DS is 17, he has ADHD and suspected autism which makes him vulnerable. He's said he's been texting a boy (16) on Instagram since about July and they're now good friends, and this boy has listened to everything DS has to say and he seems to understand him, DS wants to meet him. My issue is this boy only has 1 picture of himself on his instagram and he doesn't look 16 at all, they've never called but DS has said this doesn't matter as they've texted nearly everyday since July.

I've said no to them meeting just yet but I'm not sure if I'm doing the right thing.

AIBU?

Hard no from me. Catfishing concerns.

BBBBMushroom · 03/10/2022 01:13

Get him to FaceTime, I have actually met up with people I met online but it was in a public place each time. This was all through gaming.

Kitkatcatflap · 03/10/2022 01:30

One photo, no calls and constant emails. It sounds like an episode of Catfish. Has he asked your son for money?

It's odd they haven't spoken.

It would be a 'No' from me.

Aussiegirl88 · 03/10/2022 01:43

2 words- BRECK BEDNAR!!!!!!!!

Need we say anymore- get your DS to have a read of his story. Maybe that will put enough fear in him

allboysherebutme · 03/10/2022 02:33

I wouldn't definitely not let him go either. X

sashh · 03/10/2022 02:52

Has he seen Kayleigh's love story?

It's the same situation but with a girl.

Someone mentioned Breck Bednar that's also similar.

IF, big IF they meet up it is in a public place with someone else there. You speak to him on the phone, you speak to his parents on the phone, you check out the address he gives exists.

antelopevalley · 03/10/2022 03:25

You have to teach your children how to navigate these situations safely. At 17 if I had been given a hard no, I would have done it anyway but behind my mums back.

Aussiegirl88 · 03/10/2022 03:35

Or www.carlyryanfoundation.com/carlys-story

Carly Ryan was one that happened here.

I could legitimate dot point many cases aswell as the red flags in this story. Do you want your son to become a statistic! keep him safe, be open and honest with him your reasons why. Tell him of the grizzly, gruesome details of these stories, he needs the fear! ahead needs to understand the caution he needs to proceed with.

antelopevalley · 03/10/2022 03:56

But he also needs rules to follow to keep him safe, now and for the future. We know from old style drugs education that just trying to scare teenagers does not work.

JohnsShirt · 03/10/2022 04:01

One picture?
Absolutely not, he's not who he says, that's just basic.

autienotnaughty · 03/10/2022 05:15

FaceTime first maybe? Then meet in public with yourself close by? Do you have a location app?

Shoxfordian · 03/10/2022 05:37

Get him to meet somewhere public where you can be in the background and if you can then speak to his Mum first - it’s more likely to be fine than to be a psychopathic killer but you should proceed with some caution

lovelilies · 03/10/2022 05:47

All teens send voice messages/ face time/ have hundreds of selfies and videos on SM so chances are this guy isn't who he says he is.

Please encourage your DS to video call asap

Redkettle · 03/10/2022 06:52

Video call. My friend still got stung with this online dating with pre recorded videos. Now she asks them to touch their nose deliberately so she knows she is speaking live. It's crazy what they can do to make it look real. Also only meet at your house if at all. Very unsettling op YANBU

Redkettle · 03/10/2022 06:53

Ah yeh maybe not at the house but where u can keep an eye

Redkettle · 03/10/2022 06:58

sashh · 03/10/2022 02:52

Has he seen Kayleigh's love story?

It's the same situation but with a girl.

Someone mentioned Breck Bednar that's also similar.

IF, big IF they meet up it is in a public place with someone else there. You speak to him on the phone, you speak to his parents on the phone, you check out the address he gives exists.

Have read up on poor little kayleigh before. These men should swing

MRex · 03/10/2022 07:00

You need to model how he can do some of these steps by himself, because he is getting older so it may happen many times. Explain the need to check someone's identity online and the slow steps to do that. Then arrange a video call, followed by a chat with the other boy's mum and then meeting with you there.

CaronPoivre · 03/10/2022 07:02

They aren’t ‘good friends’. They’ve never met.

diamondpony80 · 03/10/2022 07:22

DS 18 is going to meet some friends from online soon. They’ve been online gaming together for years. I expressed concern and he showed me all the ways they’d had contact. They have numerous social profiles, send each other whatsapp pics & videos etc, spoken to each other in group games, he’s spoken to their siblings and parents when online gaming. They really know a lot about each other and are all started in different universities, apprenticeships etc this year. It put my mind at rest. DS knows not to go meeting someone that he’s only seen one photo of though. That’s definitely a red flag.

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