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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not throw a birthday party for my DD, and if not, what can we do instead?

37 replies

ACCx · 02/10/2022 16:43

DDs birthday coming up and usually I would do a party inviting school friends, and that’s what she would like this year, but I don’t want to. The reason being is because the girls in her class are just so cliquey and can be mean. She’s always being left out as she isn’t in any ‘best friend’ groups like the others. Last year after her party some of the girls were being mean not long after. I get this is how primary school girls can be but I really don’t want to waste my money on a party for children that are this way. Anyway, I’m just after some opinions, should I do the party that she would like, or should I organise something for just her. For example a day out somewhere? And if so where could I take her? Will be winter months so I feel like the options are limited.

OP posts:
DrinkFeckArseBrick · 02/10/2022 16:52

I'd be led by what your daughter wants. If she wants a party and you don't, I totally understand your reasons but your daughter might feel like you are punishing her when she hasnt done anything wrong

Original poster
ACCx · 02/10/2022 16:54

@DrinkFeckArseBrick thanks for your comment. I don’t think she’d think I’m punishing her as I would definitely spoil her for the day, however I understand that a party is what she would prefer and maybe I should just go with it?

OP posts:
Oneandone · 02/10/2022 16:54

You could take her to get her nails done with you at a beauty salon

MiniJellyBeans · 02/10/2022 17:06

How about pottery painting, either with you or with one friend maybe, then lunch or afternoon tea at a restaurant of her choice?

Original poster
ACCx · 02/10/2022 17:09

I like those ideas. Thank you!!

OP posts:
MolliciousIntent · 02/10/2022 17:13

ACCx · 02/10/2022 16:54

@DrinkFeckArseBrick thanks for your comment. I don’t think she’d think I’m punishing her as I would definitely spoil her for the day, however I understand that a party is what she would prefer and maybe I should just go with it?

If a party is what she'd prefer, have a party.

urbanbuddha · 02/10/2022 17:15

It's her birthday - if she wants a party she should have one but maybe better to invite 3 or 5 friends to a film and then back to yours for some cake.

Pinktrews77 · 02/10/2022 17:17

If she wants it, I would go ahead.
Have you looked in to changing schools?

LaTangerina · 02/10/2022 17:21

How old is she? Could you encourage her to get closer to one or two kids in the meantime? Invite them for separate playdates or an activity? Just an idea, I do see where you are coming from though.

urbanbuddha · 02/10/2022 17:26

the girls in her class are just cliquey and can be mean. She’s always being left out as she isn’t in any ‘best friend’ groups like the others. Last year after her party some of the girls were being mean not long after.

This is how girls bully. The school will have an anti-bullying policy and you should speak to her teacher about it.

Original poster
ACCx · 02/10/2022 17:28

At this stage I think a party is what she’d prefer because I haven’t suggested an alternative yet as I can’t think of anything as good as. Surprised at how most people think I should go ahead with the party. I guess I should just go ahead with that. Thank you for the comments.

OP posts:
Original poster
ACCx · 02/10/2022 17:29

@urbanbuddha thank you I have spoken to her teacher about it.

OP posts:
moose62 · 02/10/2022 17:29

Does she then run the risk of not being invited to any of the other girls parties?
Would you consider just asking a few of the nicer girls.....

GetOffTheRoof · 02/10/2022 17:31

Has she got two best friends or a similar small number? Do something with them. A cinema trip followed by tea at McDonald's / Nandos / a burger joint or go and paint pottery together - whatever she enjoys - small number, good friends, fun activities etc.

PeekAtYou · 02/10/2022 17:32

Have you considered inviting just one or two friends and doing something she'd like eg sleepover?

At her age my kids would find a trip to London and an overnight stay in a hotel special. (London is not far for me about £30 in trains)

PeekAtYou · 02/10/2022 17:33

I'm obviously suggesting the London thing as something to do with you and not her friends

TheClitterati · 02/10/2022 17:43

Give her a yes day.

C152 · 02/10/2022 17:52

Does she have a best friend, or someone she speaks about more than anyone else? If so, I'd suggest taking the two of them out to the movies and maybe for ice cream afterwards.

Original poster
ACCx · 02/10/2022 17:57

She doesn’t have a best friend unfortunately. She does have a cousin that she’s close to though so perhaps that’s an idea. I like the London hotel idea, I’ve never taken her to London.

OP posts:
Original poster
ACCx · 02/10/2022 17:58

She would love a yes day!! Not sure I could fulfil that though haha!!

OP posts:
TheGriffle · 02/10/2022 18:02

Could you invite 4 or 5 girls from different cliques to the cinema or trampoline park then a meal afterwards? Then they’re shouldnt be too much sticking together and leaving your daughter out if they’re not all in their usuals gangs.

NuffSaidSam · 02/10/2022 18:04

I'd go with what she wants. The party isn't for the other children, it's for her.

But I'd make sure she knows her options so she knows there are alternatives to a party.

Favouritefruits · 02/10/2022 18:56

My eldest son doesn’t like parties so we always have a family day out and a takeaway meal in the evening with his grandparents, places we have been are,
Alton towers
Sandcastle Waterpark
Theatre
A weekend in Blackpool doing all the tacky slots and going on the piers

luckylavender · 02/10/2022 19:01

Well she wants a party & they don't want parties forever. Girls can be cliquey, but if she doesn't have a party then she probably will get invited to fewer so it could get worse.

MotorwayDiva · 02/10/2022 19:05

Can you invite half boys half girls, to make it less cliquey, maybe do a bowling party so not girly?