To think that men can compliment a woman without fancying her?

[Screenburn]

…just that, really.

My boss’ boss says really nice things about me all the time - both to my face and to others when I’m not there. I am quitting my job soon and would like to keep up the professional relationship but I’d be less keen if he fancied me…which I don’t think he does, but some colleagues do!

AIBU to think he can be nice to me and mean it without there being some kind of dodgy element?

It depends what they are saying - if it’s work specific and you’ve done a good job then why not? Unless you are e only one earning such praise?

I wouldn’t think he fancies you just because of compliments, but maybe they can see something in his body language.

Yes of course op.
I get lots of compliments, pretty sure they don't all fancy me.

What kind of compliments?

I agree that it depends on the nature of the compliments.

Screenburn is so great at spreadsheets - fine & professional
Screenburn has a great arse - not so much

It obviously depends on the compliment!

If they are work related ("That presentation was really good, well done!") then it's unlikely to indicate he fancies you. If it's more personal, it might do.

Does he compliment other people equally - yes then no problem, no then he fancies you. Unless that is you are absolutely amazing at your job and everyone else is a bit shit.

This isn't true. If someone is a high performer, they will attract more compliments without there being anything dodgy about it.

Why on earth would a boss compliment the fantastic members of the team equally to the layabouts?

So any differential in performance is likely to be reflected in the feedback, and that's fine.

I have male friends who compliment me, definitely don't fancy me.
My boss is also quite complimentary in what he says -"I'm really proud to work with you". "An excellent piece of work, you're making the team look good". And also things like "You look nice today". "That's a lovely top". Nothing to it, he's just a genuinely nice guy.

Compliment isn’t a word that you usually use in the work place - that’s usually praise.

My boss praised me: “Testina, youvalways delivers on time and are the first with innovative solutions.”
My boss complimented me: “Testina, your hair looks great today, oh and love your skirt.”

So which is it?

So to answer a few of the questions, yes the compliments are all related to my brain and work; no, he doesn’t do this to or about anyone else.

Colleagues think he fancies me because he uses ‘big’ compliments: he won’t say ‘very good’ or ‘excellent’ but it’s more stuff like ‘phenomenal’ or ‘mind-blowing’ etc. I know I’m good at my job, so it could be deserved, but my lack of confidence makes me worry they’re right. His first ever email to me was to tell me how much I’d blown him away with a ‘natural talent’, which I took at the time to be a really good sign but now I’m not so sure.

Oh and I’m a very average looking late 30s woman…not exactly prime target for a creep if he is one!

It just sounds like he's being a good boss by complimenting people on their work to keep their self-esteem up and team morale high.

You say you have a lack of confidence… Does that extend to your work? If so does he know that? Maybe he’s trying to build you up?

I think we can't know without having been there. The compliments seem over the top and a bit weird in a work setting and strange no one else gets compliments if they use such gushing words to you. I would listen to your colleagues who are there not a bunch of people on here.

I would stay in touch with him on a professional basis anyway. If he is interested and you're both single (or he's a secret creep) perhaps he will express romantic/sexual interest after you're no longer working together. In which case you say you're flattered but not interested in that kind of relationship, just as you would with any other guy. If he has a secret crush on you and never acts on it, who cares? Your relationship after you leave will most likely be industry-related communication not sitting around in your pyjamas watching Netflix, so let him crush if he likes. And most likely it's nothing and your coworkers are gossips. Believe me, if the next "superstar employee" is a man, HE's not going to be sitting around agonising over whether gushy boss has a crush on HIM and whether that's awkward/unfair.

It depends.

Hard to say. Some men do feign interest in women's work because they fancy them. Its a 'safe' way to show interest and test the water.
On the other hand, he may have spotted that you are an exceptional talent. Either way, I would take from it that your work is pretty impressive.
Next time I'd be tempted to ask if he could be a bit more specific about what he liked so much about it, as just saying it's 'phenomenal' without saying why doesn't help you to know what exactly you're doing right.

Of course men can compliment women without fancying them.

Women can compliment men without fancying them. I know this because I am a woman!

I should say that I don’t lack confidence at my job, just generally really. I don’t think there’s any way he would know that, but who knows? Maybe it’s obvious.

I’m not sure what you mean by this? I am a woman but I genuinely don’t know the answer to my question.

This is great advice, thank you.

Well your colleagues are the closest people to the situation, i wouldn't ignore their opinion

I think your colleagues are jealous of you and trying his undermine you and your work.

I think people will often tell themselves there must be an alternative motive because it makes them feel better about not getting similar feedback.