Page 2 | to be worried that my dd is on her first night out at a club?

Oldoldold · 2022-10-01T22:10:33+00:00

I've had a colourful life but my dd is now at her first night out to a 'club' or whatever they're called these days (just turned 18). AIBU to be like a clocking hen? I know that she's going out with a large bunch of close friends but I'm not going to sleep until she gets home (she's staying the night with her friend who seems sensible). How do you more experienced mums cope with the stress? 😫

AliceMcK · 02/10/2022 00:32

I’m not at this point yet but I worry about it, the thought of my DDs being in the positions and situations I was in when I was going out terrifies me. At least when I was going out (officially 15 first time my parents let me go to a club with my older brother and his mates, Hit Man and Her was on. Unofficially I’d been going to pubs and clubs at 14 behind their backs), my older brother and lots of cousins who were drinking in the same pubs and clubs so if I ever got in a scary situation I would know I could find a member of my family or their mates almost anywhere I went. My DDs won’t have that, they have also had a far more sheltered life than me.

ShootingForTheMoonLandingOnMyArse · 02/10/2022 00:37

I remember walking home 3 miles or so from clubbing on my own at 3am as no money for cab and friends lived opposite direction (and no internet to get money put on my card. no phone either). I would have been half drunk, walking under an underpass, down alleyways, past a massive graveyard, anyone could have jumped me easily. Makes me shiver to think about DD ever putting herself in that position.

Original poster

Oldoldold · 02/10/2022 00:41

ShootingForTheMoonLandingOnMyArse · 02/10/2022 00:29

It’s a trial by fire OP but it will get easier. I always asked DD to text me when she got to her friend’s, so I knew she was safe, after a night out and she usually did. Also to text me from taxi if she was coming home by herself.

I drummed it into her not to get so drunk she was vulnerable (save that for home or house parties), if she was left alone/lost her friends to ring me to come get her no matter what time it was, had her write my number down and keep it in her bag in case she lost her phone/battery ran out. She wouldn’t agree to sharing her location! Got her a rape alarm, small can of hairspray for hand bag. I know she got rat faced on numerous occasions though!

There was one morning when she was about 19 that I got up in the morning (after I’d stopped staying awake until she got home at 3-4am!) and her bed hadn’t been slept in. I was beside myself! She didn’t answer phone or texts. At 8am, I was just about to call the police and she walked in bold as brass! A big group had gone to McDonalds after clubbing and stayed there talking. Phone battery had died obviously. After that I calmed down a bit as if something was going to happen (statistically rare) there was nothing I could do about it.

Thank god she’s in a long term relationship now and is usually out with him so I don’t need to worry now she’s 25!

That's exactly like me. I was telling her to ensure that her phone was charged, to not leave any of her friends alone, to avoid getting drunk (I know it's a rite of passage) etc. and behind the scenes I have my Dad on standby lol. I know she's 18. I know that have to let her fly but Jesus, I didn't know that it would feel like this!!!!

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Deadringer · 02/10/2022 00:47

I am on my 4th teenage dd and I am not sure it gets easier op. In fact I seem to be becoming more of a worry wart as I get older. I don't remember being so fussed about my eldest, who is now 30. I remember when she was 19 or 20 she was booking a trip to L.A. on her own, while I was watching Taken, of all things. I seem to recall waving her off quite happily. But these days i fret if my 18 year old goes out anywhere.

Original poster

Oldoldold · 02/10/2022 01:01

ShootingForTheMoonLandingOnMyArse · 02/10/2022 00:37

I remember walking home 3 miles or so from clubbing on my own at 3am as no money for cab and friends lived opposite direction (and no internet to get money put on my card. no phone either). I would have been half drunk, walking under an underpass, down alleyways, past a massive graveyard, anyone could have jumped me easily. Makes me shiver to think about DD ever putting herself in that position.

I've done the exact same!

I've also managed to twaddle around cities in what could only be described as an inebriated state and managed to get home somehow.

One incident however, scared the crap out of me. It was 20 years ago so well before Uber or smartphones.

I got a taxi home from the city after a night out and I lived quite a bit out of the city. Somehow or another this taxi driver brought me up into the mountains close to the city to 'admire the view'.

I remember feeling scared when I was there as there was something 'off' but I somehow managed to get him to bring me back home to my actual address. After that, I started texting my mother the cab number (it used to be on the top of taxis). I figured that if I ended up dead, at least they'd know whodunnit lol. My mother called police one night because I had sent her the cab number or whatever it was called and texted her saying that I felt uneasy. I woke up with police in my bedroom (and very annoyed housemates!).

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Original poster

Oldoldold · 02/10/2022 01:02

Deadringer · 02/10/2022 00:47

I am on my 4th teenage dd and I am not sure it gets easier op. In fact I seem to be becoming more of a worry wart as I get older. I don't remember being so fussed about my eldest, who is now 30. I remember when she was 19 or 20 she was booking a trip to L.A. on her own, while I was watching Taken, of all things. I seem to recall waving her off quite happily. But these days i fret if my 18 year old goes out anywhere.

I think that when you recognise traits of yourself you worry more?

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jocktamsonsbairn · 02/10/2022 01:04

Bayleaf25 · 01/10/2022 23:16

It was bad enough with my DS, god only knows about my DD. I suppose just console yourself with the fact she’s having fun/got friends/doing normal teen things.

i hold your hand though, it’s hard letting them go x

Yep! We have all agreed to have Find my IPhone on so at least I know roughly where they are!

Hawkins001 · 02/10/2022 01:09

@Oldoldold
All the best and positivity.
Plus is this her first time or the "official first time" that you know about ?

Original poster

Oldoldold · 02/10/2022 01:10

tinx · 02/10/2022 00:15

I feel your pain I’ve been crying for 2 days about letting my DS go off on his own to places

it’s causing me so much stress I even got into an argument with DH because I’m so on edge

I’m not happy right now I feel in shock this has come around so quickly

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I think it's that they were in lockdown so we were saved!

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Original poster

Oldoldold · 02/10/2022 01:20

Hawkins001 · 02/10/2022 01:09

@Oldoldold
All the best and positivity.
Plus is this her first time or the "official first time" that you know about ?

Not the first time drinking, but the first official time where she is allowed into a club.

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Original poster

Oldoldold · 02/10/2022 01:29

Until you have children, you really don't sense danger acutely. When I had dd (I only have one child), you seem to sense danger everywhere. 😯

I've managed to get her to 18 so I'm trying to reassure myself that at least I've done that much so maybe I'm ok at this job? But no, my 'mother' brain has taken over and I will not rest until I get a text from her to say that she is home. Oh my goodness. It's worse than baby stage. I think because it's her first night out to a pub and club where she buy drink, I am just so bloody stressed and worried!

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Original poster

Oldoldold · 02/10/2022 01:30

jocktamsonsbairn · 02/10/2022 01:04

Yep! We have all agreed to have Find my IPhone on so at least I know roughly where they are!

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That's a good tip!

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Bottomofthepileasusual · 02/10/2022 09:02

My DS went to an 18th in town last night. Heard the door open about 7.30am. Wtf do they go all night

Harrystylestutu · 02/10/2022 09:24

Hope your daughter had a great night. I'm early 30s and couldn't imagine queuing for a club a at midnight now 😂 I admire their stamina!

FannyCann · 02/10/2022 09:48

Hope your daughter had fun and came home early enough for you to get some sleep OP.
Find my phone is useful - my DDs did it, then they decided they did not like me being able to see where they were so switched it off, but luckily DD had it back on the time the reception staff could T find her coat with her phone in the pocket at going home time. She rang up in tears and thought it would have been stolen. Find my phone confirmed it was still in the club which had closed by then but she was able to go back the next day and insist they search better and find it.

You can buy drink tester strips for drink spiking and I think some anti spiking devices if you look on line. I put some in the emergency pack I did for each DD when they went to university. I don't think they've ever used them but it serves to start a conversation and raise awareness.

FannyCann · 02/10/2022 09:49

These were the ones I got.

checkyourdrink.co.uk/

Original poster

Oldoldold · 02/10/2022 13:31

Bottomofthepileasusual · 02/10/2022 09:02

My DS went to an 18th in town last night. Heard the door open about 7.30am. Wtf do they go all night

Somebody's house! McDonalds? A park? Wandering around the place.

I sent her a text a 3.05am saying 'hope you've had a fun night, hope you got home safe, text me when you wake up'.

12pm she replied with 'Your so weird' and a lovely photo of her and her friend posing when they were out. They both looked lovely.

Would now be a good time to say it's YOU'RE not YOUR? 😆

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Original poster

Oldoldold · 02/10/2022 13:32

FannyCann · 02/10/2022 09:49

These were the ones I got.

checkyourdrink.co.uk/

Brilliant idea! Thanks for the link. I'm of putting a Tile tracker in her wallet lol

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Original poster

Oldoldold · 02/10/2022 13:33

Harrystylestutu · 02/10/2022 09:24

Hope your daughter had a great night. I'm early 30s and couldn't imagine queuing for a club a at midnight now 😂 I admire their stamina!

Oh God but I remember those years so fondly. Nothing but a sun dress on NYE. No need for a coat. Lol.

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Original poster

Oldoldold · 02/10/2022 13:36

The boys' parents seem to be more liberal than the girls' parents so she has often stayed up all night at some poor mother's house with a group of them. The girl she was staying with though is a bit stiffer even than me!

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Original poster

Oldoldold · 02/10/2022 13:39

Oldoldold · 02/10/2022 13:36

The boys' parents seem to be more liberal than the girls' parents so she has often stayed up all night at some poor mother's house with a group of them. The girl she was staying with though is a bit stiffer even than me!

Or her Mum is. The girl is like dd. Half sensible/half wild (butter wouldn't melt if you looked at either of them 🙄). The Mum is a solicitor so probably has more insight than most as to what can go wrong.

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mumonthehill · 02/10/2022 13:41

Ds used to role his eyes at me when I would list all things to be careful of when he went out clubbing. I used to say it’s a mum thing, I have to tell you to be careful, do not get too drunk etc, at least I know I have said it! She will have a great time! But honestly it is not easy as although they think we have never lived, we have and know the dangers!

Original poster

Oldoldold · 02/10/2022 13:44

mumonthehill · 02/10/2022 13:41

Ds used to role his eyes at me when I would list all things to be careful of when he went out clubbing. I used to say it’s a mum thing, I have to tell you to be careful, do not get too drunk etc, at least I know I have said it! She will have a great time! But honestly it is not easy as although they think we have never lived, we have and know the dangers!

The problem is that we know exactly what they are getting up to while trying to believe that they're far too sensible to be as stupid as we were

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Original poster

Oldoldold · 02/10/2022 13:55

tinx · 02/10/2022 00:15

I feel your pain I’ve been crying for 2 days about letting my DS go off on his own to places

it’s causing me so much stress I even got into an argument with DH because I’m so on edge

I’m not happy right now I feel in shock this has come around so quickly

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I missed your post last night. My brain was addled. She seems to have suddenly gone from a teen to an adult technically only but she's MY BABY!!!

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MintyCedricHereWeGoAgain · 02/10/2022 22:00

Glad she had a good time and all is well.

I can totally relate to the going from a child to adult overnight feeling.

Mine's sesh is next Saturday now as birthday girl's girlfriend had arranged a surprise for her next Friday which she didn't know about when they arranged it...and they are off to a gay club as the music's better so sounds like DD is going to have quite a night!