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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Shall I just ignore this friend request?

33 replies

Nooriginalusernameidea · 01/10/2022 20:44

I dated a former colleague for a month, 7 years ago. So a bit of a non event. I had more feelings than him and he didn't want it to become a relationship and that was it, it was over. A month later i liked someone else and didn't know what on earth I'd seen in the previous guy.
I worked with him for about a year after and we've been in touch since then for probably twice a year on Facebook, quick catch up about work, that's it.
Haven't seen him in person in about 6 years and no particular plans to.
I messaged him about a month ago as my brother is actually applying for a job where he works, so I asked for some advice.
He's been in a relationship with someone else for quite a few years now as have I.
I told my partner that I very occasionally speak to him and he didn't bat an eyelid.
I'm not in touch with any 'proper' exes at all.
Anyway this morning his girlfriend sent me a friend request on Facebook. I've never met or spoken to her in my life. I barely speak to him like I said.
I'm quite scared tbh, why would she request to follow me? Shall I ask the friend? Shall I just decline it? Wonder if she's been going through his messages, not that there's anything particularly interesting to see.

I was friends with a school friend a few years back (he turned out to be a twat but that's another story). Had zero interest whatsoever, i actually spent my time asking him for advice about guys I liked. He had a girlfriend.
I sometimes write long messages (as you can see). His girlfriend must have read them or asked for my name because I randomly got a message from her saying "Why have you messaged James 3 times?! What's so important?!"
I felt so embarrassed and like I'd done something wrong. It wasn't constant messaging either and I'd never given any suggestion at all that I'd be interested or ever flirted.
I don't really have any male friends anymore, especially not with girlfriends.
Anyway back to this, what to do about the friend request?

OP posts:
BIWI · 01/10/2022 20:45

Just ignore it

Nooriginalusernameidea · 01/10/2022 20:45

It might have been an accidental request... But I find it odd. They don't even live anywhere near me and I never see this man ever.

OP posts:
FluffySocksAndHotChocolate · 01/10/2022 20:45

Just ignore it.

Nooriginalusernameidea · 01/10/2022 20:46

I don't think I'll ever message him again. Not that I really did in the first place, the last conversation before last month was 2021

OP posts:
UsernameNotAvailableApparently · 01/10/2022 20:47

Have a look in your message requests/spam in Facebook messenger. She may have already messaged you?

laylalee · 01/10/2022 20:47

What an odd, winding post.

Nooriginalusernameidea · 01/10/2022 20:48

Don't really get why it's odd? Maybe I've overanalyzed it but it's creeped me out. She's obviously read his messages or something
No message from her no

OP posts:
NotSorry · 01/10/2022 20:48

Just leave it hanging - no need to accept or decline

DamnYouAutoCarRental · 01/10/2022 20:48

I can imagine she was just doing some fb stalking, seeing what you looked like and being a bit nosey. She probably hit add friend by accident and hasn't realised. I would decline.

Grandeur · 01/10/2022 20:48

Can she message you if she's not your friend? If not, I'd accept it just to see what she has to say. You don't have to respond and you won't be left wondering.

CountTessa · 01/10/2022 20:49

Just ignore it.

Nooriginalusernameidea · 01/10/2022 20:50

Yeah you can send message requests even if you haven't added the person as a friend
I don't even have the male friend on Instagram so that's what's odd. How would she know how to find me

OP posts:
dudsville · 01/10/2022 20:50

I agree you can ignore it.

DialsMavis · 01/10/2022 20:50

Definitely ignore, probably a result of snooping on your profile. I have done this amd had it done to me 😳

Nooriginalusernameidea · 01/10/2022 20:51

I just feel like I've done something wrong now.

OP posts:
Fe345fleur · 01/10/2022 20:59

You've not done anything wrong. I'd just ignore the request. You don't know her, you don't really speak to him, and don't have to be friends with her on socials 🙂

BeautifulElephant · 01/10/2022 21:04

She's obviously read his messages

Really why? Even if she has I don't think that's obvious.

You may have just come up as a friend you may know and then she's just added you.

What are you actually freaked out about...what do you think will happen if you accept the add?

GG1986 · 01/10/2022 21:14

Delete the request and ignore

PyongyangKipperbang · 01/10/2022 22:54

Dont delete as it shows you have seen it. Leave it hanging and ignore.

She is probably the kind who hates any other women contacting "her" man. I know a few like this, one (former best friend of mine) actually went so far as to not allow her husband to have a phone! The idiot stayed with her.....who knows why!

ChiefWiggumsBoy · 01/10/2022 22:59

Just ignore it. Stop being so dramatic.

There’s been a spate of posts like this - you’re a grown woman. Just grow ho and ignore it. Why on earth would it scare you?

Pixiedust1234 · 01/10/2022 23:04

Don't delete, dont accept. If you delete they could resend, so just ignore.

Brigante9 · 01/10/2022 23:09

Just refuse the friend request and block her.

Mrsjayy · 01/10/2022 23:12

She has probably been noseying at your page and hit request by mistake, I'd just leave it hanging and ignore it.

SugarNspices · 01/10/2022 23:16

Just leave it hanging and forget about it. No need to be scared.

Carlycat · 01/10/2022 23:19

I'd personally decline the request. And if there's any further contact block her