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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Shall I just ignore this friend request?

33 replies

Nooriginalusernameidea · 01/10/2022 20:44

I dated a former colleague for a month, 7 years ago. So a bit of a non event. I had more feelings than him and he didn't want it to become a relationship and that was it, it was over. A month later i liked someone else and didn't know what on earth I'd seen in the previous guy.
I worked with him for about a year after and we've been in touch since then for probably twice a year on Facebook, quick catch up about work, that's it.
Haven't seen him in person in about 6 years and no particular plans to.
I messaged him about a month ago as my brother is actually applying for a job where he works, so I asked for some advice.
He's been in a relationship with someone else for quite a few years now as have I.
I told my partner that I very occasionally speak to him and he didn't bat an eyelid.
I'm not in touch with any 'proper' exes at all.
Anyway this morning his girlfriend sent me a friend request on Facebook. I've never met or spoken to her in my life. I barely speak to him like I said.
I'm quite scared tbh, why would she request to follow me? Shall I ask the friend? Shall I just decline it? Wonder if she's been going through his messages, not that there's anything particularly interesting to see.

I was friends with a school friend a few years back (he turned out to be a twat but that's another story). Had zero interest whatsoever, i actually spent my time asking him for advice about guys I liked. He had a girlfriend.
I sometimes write long messages (as you can see). His girlfriend must have read them or asked for my name because I randomly got a message from her saying "Why have you messaged James 3 times?! What's so important?!"
I felt so embarrassed and like I'd done something wrong. It wasn't constant messaging either and I'd never given any suggestion at all that I'd be interested or ever flirted.
I don't really have any male friends anymore, especially not with girlfriends.
Anyway back to this, what to do about the friend request?

OP posts:
Kite22 · 01/10/2022 23:19

Just delete it.
Why is this even a dilemma ?
Why would you accept a friend request from someone who not only isn't your friend, but someone you don't even know ?

Sparklesocks · 01/10/2022 23:22

I think you’re overthinking it. Just ignore it and move on. It doesn’t need this much headspace.

Confusion101 · 02/10/2022 00:35

FYI if u just leave it and don't decline, your stuff will start appearing in their feed. Better off declining if you aren't going to accept.

HeartShapedBox · 02/10/2022 00:45

Confusion101 · 02/10/2022 00:35

FYI if u just leave it and don't decline, your stuff will start appearing in their feed. Better off declining if you aren't going to accept.

Really? What kind of stuff, statuses and photos you've posted, or comments you've made on a metro article or a random meme?

Confusion101 · 02/10/2022 09:07

@HeartShapedBox if your settings are set that your statuses are friends only they won't see those, but yes random comments on public pages would come up for them. Anything public appears on their feed.

KrisAkabusi · 02/10/2022 09:30

Kite22 · 01/10/2022 23:19

Just delete it.
Why is this even a dilemma ?
Why would you accept a friend request from someone who not only isn't your friend, but someone you don't even know ?

Agreed. Why be scared? Why not just decline? "Because she will know that I've decided it". So what? This is not worth all this worry!

downtonupton · 02/10/2022 11:19

is it possible she is organising a party or something and contacting people who are his friends? not realising you don't speak often?

If she issuing through his friends list on facebook she wont have any idea when you last spoke/messaged.

properdoughnut · 02/10/2022 11:20

Get on with your life and ignore the request don't give it anymore headspace.

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