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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To think that this wedding sounds okay

79 replies

Cornishandpastey · 01/10/2022 19:29

Planning a wedding B&G both mid thirties . Largish families small social circle total guests including 20 children is about 60-70
general plan of the day is to arrive at registry office ( really lovely old building in centre of town overlooking a lake ). Plenty of parking .No posing for photos , the photographer is just going to snap the service and people entering and leaving the building. Then about a 20 minute drive ( some will take their own cars , we’re laying on 3 limos after checking who want to drink / who’d prefer their own car etc.
arrival at converted barn will see them all either able to seat themselves ( little round tables of 4-6 plus seating around the bar. There’s a corner with big chesterfield sofas and a big box of toys and goodies for the kids.
food is served pretty much straight away with a large selection of food from grilled meats to salads, breads , olives , deli type stuff and childrens party food up one end for the littlies.
dJ is playing background music and the tables have storm lanterns and simple posies in jam jars . There’s really lovely fairy lights across the beams but it’s all fairly simple .
4 speeches , 5 minute limit on each , lighthearted , funny and warm - nothing serious .
everyone encouraged to dig into food and chat for a bout an hour. Bar is unlimited and is craft beer , local wine , 1 whiskey and 1 gin and various ‘posh sodas’ .
we have a use or return arrangement with our booze suppliers who are friends .
caterers have a fridge van and will refresh plates as they run out meaning people can graze and take their time.
deserts are just British favourites like apple pie, trifle and chocolate cake with jugs of cream and custard - also local baker we know.
dj plays till 8pm ( service at 3 / arrival at 4:30)
then our band will start around then ( fairly well known chaps from the 70’s my Dad knows) we all get merry and have a boogie , all over about midnight.

Details:first dance is ‘Stand by me’ Ben E King.
my dress and the bridesmaid are ‘country fairy ‘ style , simple cream gowns with flower head bands and bride and groom will arrive to the barn on a cart pulled by Shire horse just to
Add a bit of ‘wow ‘to our pics and go with the country theme.
Band is easy rock / soul stuff.
we have 2 couples and one family travelling over 40 miles so we’ll stick them in the local premier inn for the night .

i feel like this is short , sweet , no standing round starving while photos are done and the kids are well catered for so hopefully will behave…
have I missed anything?
it’s a September wedding so mild but not hot .

OP posts:
Cornishandpastey · 01/10/2022 21:49

Flangelasashes · 01/10/2022 20:09

I HATE weddings with a passion and always avoid when I can but this sounds absolutely perfect. You have thought of everything! I hope you have an absolutely wonderful day!

Thank you so much! I’m not a fan of weddings either! They just make me think about sore feet and back , hunger and anxiety around getting accidentally drunk because drinking pimms before noon is just not something my body likes . So I’ve tried to make it as unweddingy as possible and just a barn dance with vows at the beginning :)

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Meanderingpuppy · 01/10/2022 21:51

Sounds lovely. Agree best to have a seating plan. Sounds formal, but does make it easier. I am 100% with you on avoiding ages with everyone waiting around for photos, but you might want just one drink for everyone on arrival so you can get a few special photos dor 30

Cornishandpastey · 01/10/2022 21:53

MintyCedricHereWeGoAgain · 01/10/2022 20:18

Sounds bloody marvellous.

Don't know what you're planning for the kids or what the age range is, but we went to a wedding once where the kids got given party bags to occupy themselves during the reception. Party Delights is great for being able to buy individual age appropriate bits and bobs rather than massive packs of tat.

But honestly it sounds like my dream wedding, either as a guest or participants! Hope you have a fab time.

Yes I agree with you so much! I hadn’t fully decided what the children were getting but you’re definitely in the ball park there . There’s a lot of children but they are mostly cousins who play together reasonably well so hopefully they’ll do their own thing and let the grown ups have a catch up and dance.

OP posts:
Meanderingpuppy · 01/10/2022 21:53

Sorry posted too soon. Meant you might want to just leave yourself a tiny bit of time for photos.

fizznchips · 01/10/2022 21:55

It sounds like you have really thought about your guests, love the relaxed vibe. So many weddings have people hanging about while the bride & groom have photos etc. I hope you have the most fabulous day, if you need an extra guest I'd love to join you! 💗

CurbsideProphet · 01/10/2022 22:01

Sounds absolutely lovely 🙂 Hope you have a wonderful day 🙂
I would just do a seating plan. My sibling didn't for their wedding reception and all of the guests asked me where they should sit, then spent a good while moving chairs around etc. It's quicker to get everyone sat down for eating if they're just heading for a definite seat.

AssumingDirectControl · 01/10/2022 22:03

It sounds lovely to me and I’m not a wedding fan.

Fishandchipsupper · 01/10/2022 22:09

What will you do if it’s a cold day?

TheSausageKingofChicago · 01/10/2022 22:11

I love an informal wedding and I don’t think no seating plan is a problem. Just set aside a ‘top table’ for the VIPs and let everyone else settle themselves. I’ve been to weddings where this has worked brilliantly.

Your plan sounds lovely. I’d just get a few select B&G pics and maybe a couple with the wedding party. And one with everyone in it, just for a record of who was there. It’s nice to have a group shot. But don’t go mad on staged pics. One outside the register office will do.

Bosabosa · 01/10/2022 22:32

Sounds brilliant! The only other thing i have seen that i wished i had thought of was a wedding where the couple did the speeches first, whilst the kids ate, and then the babysitters came and whisked the kids off to play whilst the adults then ate (in peace). It was genius!

Cornishandpastey · 01/10/2022 22:41

Fishandchipsupper · 01/10/2022 22:09

What will you do if it’s a cold day?

Well I’d hope the relaxed county theme will mean people feel comfortable wearing proper coats if they want , if the weather looks really grey and overcast I suppose our outdoor horsey photos can be done in black and white so it doesn’t matter and the barn does have heating as it’s a sort of village hall thing now . I think I’d prefer a more summery September day with a big red sunset but it’s not the sort of wedding that will be ruined if it rains either .
lived in the south of England all my life so I know September is either summer extended or winter come early I need to be prepared for both . Fingers crossed for a bit of sun though.

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UrsulaPandress · 01/10/2022 22:46

Nicest wedding I went to was similar. In a marquee on their farm.

But what if it’s pissing down?

Rowen32 · 01/10/2022 22:52

Sounds lovely but think horse and carts need to be done away with so I wouldn't like to see that personally..

Cornishandpastey · 01/10/2022 23:14

Rowen32 · 01/10/2022 22:52

Sounds lovely but think horse and carts need to be done away with so I wouldn't like to see that personally..

That’s fair enough . I respect that. Can’t argue with animal welfare concerns we have a ‘no fireworks ‘ rule on my uncles farm because of the stables nearby.I think the lad pulling our little cart has a pretty nice life from what I’ve seen ( he lives in the next estate to my uncles place) I do feel sorry for the ones that are driven through busy towns and cities though they can’t enjoy being around all the traffic and stuff . I always feel nervous when I see the funeral ones as the horses always look terrified when vehicles pass them and I’m scared they’re going to bold or buck and get injured. Luckily this fella isn’t going out on a main road he’s very much a photo opportunity and quick stroll for a few minutes then back to his paddock with his girlfriends .

OP posts:
Cornishandpastey · 01/10/2022 23:19

UrsulaPandress · 01/10/2022 22:46

Nicest wedding I went to was similar. In a marquee on their farm.

But what if it’s pissing down?

I want it to be nice weather so badly! But if it isn’t we are holed up in a cosy barn conversion with music ,booze and food so we’ll make it work. I’m taking advice from previous posters and setting up a photo area inside so we can do pictures in the barn if it’s too crap to get any outdoors. There’s heating if we need it but it makes a funny noise so I’d be inclined to avoid it until the louder music kicks in later on. It’s England though so that’s always a concern isn’t it 😂

OP posts:
Cornishandpastey · 01/10/2022 23:23

Bosabosa · 01/10/2022 22:32

Sounds brilliant! The only other thing i have seen that i wished i had thought of was a wedding where the couple did the speeches first, whilst the kids ate, and then the babysitters came and whisked the kids off to play whilst the adults then ate (in peace). It was genius!

That the kind of smart planning I can get on board with! I think it’s great to think everything through but also need to be a bit ‘whatever ‘ and relaxed so I don’t spoil the day by trying to be too perfect. ( I cried once about one of my sons birthday cakes going a bit wrong ) I’m self aware of this though and I’ll be adopting a ‘let’s just enjoy it’ ethos so I’ll not be watching the clock to much and I’ll actually try to have fun. Knowing my lot it’ll descend into utter chaos and resemble a festival by about 8pm anyway so…. 😂

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ThereIbledit · 01/10/2022 23:27

Are you 100% certain about the person you want to marry? Because that sounds like my ideal wedding right down to the horse and cart, and I'd marry you in a flash 😁

Cornishandpastey · 01/10/2022 23:31

ThereIbledit · 01/10/2022 23:27

Are you 100% certain about the person you want to marry? Because that sounds like my ideal wedding right down to the horse and cart, and I'd marry you in a flash 😁

I’m afraid so. I can’t think of anyone else who’d put up with either of us on a daily basis ! Or our kids for that matter 😂 do feel free to copy us though. It’s all family and friends making it happen so if you’re not fussy I’ve got one step brother and one sister to get rid of ? You’d get all the same gear if you bagged one of those 😂

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Cornishandpastey · 01/10/2022 23:36

AssumingDirectControl · 01/10/2022 22:03

It sounds lovely to me and I’m not a wedding fan.

Neither am I , which is why it’s more of a barn dance with the family than following traditional wedding stuff. I don’t handle being centre of attention well either and I can’t wear heels anymore ( thanks slipped disks and C-section ) so I’m wearing an identical dress to my little bridesmaids and ballet pumps and Keeping it simple as possible . Looking forward to the knees up more than anything , my Nans hilarious with a tipple on board 😂

OP posts:
Cornishandpastey · 01/10/2022 23:40

TheSausageKingofChicago · 01/10/2022 22:11

I love an informal wedding and I don’t think no seating plan is a problem. Just set aside a ‘top table’ for the VIPs and let everyone else settle themselves. I’ve been to weddings where this has worked brilliantly.

Your plan sounds lovely. I’d just get a few select B&G pics and maybe a couple with the wedding party. And one with everyone in it, just for a record of who was there. It’s nice to have a group shot. But don’t go mad on staged pics. One outside the register office will do.

Yeah I think that’s right tbh. I wanted a really candid album of the guests with just a few more formal ones of us looking lovely . I want lots of the youngest kids with the oldest grandparents too as we never know how many of those we’ll get . We’re lucky there’s no awkwardness in the families too everyone gets on great which should help the chemistry.

OP posts:
Filthycop · 02/10/2022 11:37

Sounds similar to ours - we were able to walk from wedding to the pub lunch and then from there to the community centre - (though a few older guests were driven by the ones who had cars). Free food and booze for all, band, DJ etc all relaxed....

Ignore those who say you need formal photos and a seating plan - we didn't have either. We had a wandering photographer (a friend) so we have pictures of the day and everyone there. And the registrar made us pose so we have the signing the register posed ones. People sat where they wanted, kids played and danced and we had such good feedback - from oldies and youngsters alike - general saying was the funnest happiest wedding they'd been to. My mother in law made button holes for her and her husband as she was upset I hadn't arranged any.

Do what feels right for you

RausageSoul · 02/10/2022 16:22

What's the AIBU?

Seems you've got it all planned out and if a random MNer said it sounded rubbish you'd be crazy to change anything??

underneaththeash · 02/10/2022 16:25

I think it sounds nice, however, is the barn heated? It gets quite cold in the evening in September.

AloysiusBear · 02/10/2022 16:25

It sounds fab op. Thoughtful of guests but also a lovely celebration for you :)

ThereIbledit · 02/10/2022 22:02

@Cornishandpastey
do feel free to copy us though. It’s all family and friends making it happen so if you’re not fussy I’ve got one step brother and one sister to get rid of ? You’d get all the same gear if you bagged one of those 😂

I'm bi, I'll take either of them 😂

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