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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not want to do that much at the weekends?

36 replies

Clickclickmoose · 01/10/2022 11:54

Three children, 7, 11 and 13 and a full time job (have increased from 3 days a week to full time in the last six months), all of the life admin and house and kids stuff.
I get to the weekend and I’m shattered. Eldest has football every Sunday and younger two have swimming. This leaves Saturdays free and DH seems to want some sort of major outing every Saturday and when I say I am too fucking tired, he sulks.
Im not bothered if we aren’t up and dressed until noon but he is sulking because I apparently have energy to do things in the week but just want to lie around being lazy on a Saturday when we could be doing something.
I am shattered! I have suggested today we just go for lunch and get a couple of things we need from the shops but he is on about getting the train and going out somewhere for a ‘proper day out.’

Eldest doesn’t even want to go.

AIBU?

OP posts:
mamabear715 · 01/10/2022 11:56

Maybe if he gets up & does some housework / stuff with the kids / whatever, I guess you'd have more energy to do what HE wants to do..

AnneLovesGilbert · 01/10/2022 11:58

You do all of the life admin and house and kids stuff

Why?!

That’s the problem. That and a sulky grumpy bastard husband. Tell him when he’s doing half of all the boring crap he can start dictating fun weekends. Twat.

hopeishere · 01/10/2022 11:59

How long do swimming and football take? Can you combine something like a lunch or walk with those activities?

Saturday is chores day / washing / reading the papers / pottering. We've pretty much always gone for a walk on a Sunday since the kids were little.

Violashift · 01/10/2022 12:05

Time us bot wasted relaxing if you enjoy it.

I hate this idea that it isn't.

Violashift · 01/10/2022 12:06

Not?

cherry2727 · 01/10/2022 12:08

Op, tell him to take the kids out and you will join in next time ! Try and alternate your time out with the kids. One weekend to yourself and one with the family should be a little more manageable. The third weekend could be used for relaxing at home . Don't exhaust yourself trying to please anyone

alloutoflunchideas · 01/10/2022 12:09

He can without you so let him go and enjoy some peace and quiet

Original poster
Clickclickmoose · 01/10/2022 12:17

Football takes up about three hours on a Sunday and swimming is in the morning. Then usually older two have homework etc.
I don’t want a massive day out every Saturday. DH keeps saying we waste most Saturdays but I’ve got a load of housework to do too, the ironing just mounts up in the week.
I have accepted this is just as it is, I’ve tried to change things before and it lasts about two days and then goes back to me just doing everything.

OP posts:
KTKismet · 01/10/2022 12:18

My DH is a a bit like this also. I suffer from quite severe anxiety and the effort it takes to be "normal" during the week, with the stuff for the kids school, classes, admin and FT work leaves me exhausted.

DH is very good around the house in terms of housework and we now have a cleaner once a week which covers the "deep cleans" of the bathrooms and washing floors, as well as general tidy up which leaves me with a bit more energy.

We tend to try and do a Saturday morning at soft play with the kids or perhaps a lunch out. In terms of the "big days out" I've made DH understand the effort that requires for me and so its a once a month thing, or if DH has more energy I let him takes 2DCs out with FIL to a park or something and I get some chill time.

KTKismet · 01/10/2022 12:19

Violashift · 01/10/2022 12:05

Time us bot wasted relaxing if you enjoy it.

I hate this idea that it isn't.

Exactly this @Violashift - time is not wasted if you are relaxing and enjoying it.

I think modern society creates an impression that we need to be "on" all the time. Our nervous systems weren't designed for that. We require rest.

Autumntime2022 · 01/10/2022 12:23

I started a thread years ago about my partner never wanting to go places with the kids the concuss was I should take them out on my own, so same here.

Also you should not be doing all the admin etc if you both work full time.

Original poster
Clickclickmoose · 01/10/2022 12:27

I will do some Saturdays as bigger days out but not every single one. When am I meant to fit the house stuff in? I’m too tired come 6pm of an evening ahead of getting everyone to bed and homework etc.

also I am less keen when the weather gets worse. Much easier to think of places to go in the summer months.

OP posts:
silentpool · 01/10/2022 12:30

Those that want to be busy should go off and do it! I wouldn't survive without my lazy weekends so do what's best for you, OP.

Shinyandnew1 · 01/10/2022 12:30

DH keeps saying we waste most Saturdays

How much of the housework and house admin does he do? I bet if he was doing half, you’d be less shattered and want to go out more. Try suggesting that.

InCheesusWeTrust · 01/10/2022 12:31

When am I meant to fit the house stuff in?

Well you are not 🤷🏻 i get it before when you had more time at home but you just need to man up and aplit the tasks with others.

Otherwise you will all spend next years moaning

PeloFondo · 01/10/2022 12:33

Clickclickmoose · 01/10/2022 12:27

I will do some Saturdays as bigger days out but not every single one. When am I meant to fit the house stuff in? I’m too tired come 6pm of an evening ahead of getting everyone to bed and homework etc.

also I am less keen when the weather gets worse. Much easier to think of places to go in the summer months.

Have you not said that to him? I would be strongly pointing out that you're doing everything AND working FT and fucking knackered so if he wants to go out, go and you'll put your feet up
Or he can stay and do half the cleaning up he's contributed to

Sorry but it makes me cross, I mean if he lived on his own he wouldn't have a washing/cleaning fairy

courgettigreensadwater · 01/10/2022 12:34

When I went full time I got a cleaner from the start. My DH is excellent with helping and cooking and everything but I knew it would still be uneven as I'd always been part time since having children and I would end up resentful.

BumbleNova · 01/10/2022 12:35

Hang on wait - “you” have housework and ironing to do?!

er WTF is your DH doing? I bet if you don’t do it Saturday because you are doing something “fun” you catch up during the week when you are also working full time.

you have a DH problem.

UWhatNow · 01/10/2022 12:46

“DH keeps saying we waste most Saturdays but I’ve got a load of housework to do too, the ironing just mounts up in the week.”

Are you from the 1950s? Why do women accept this shit as if it’s normal?

harriethoyle · 01/10/2022 12:50

Another vote for you having a DH problem but I'm afraid I also think you've enabled him. Draw a line and split chores going forward.

AltheaVestr1t · 01/10/2022 13:01

There's a couple of issues here. 1. Uneven distribution of chores means you have less free time/ mental energy. That's a tricky one to solve and I don't have the answers, I'm still fighting this battle myself.

  1. Personality differences. This could be an introvert/extrovert thing or just the kind of activity that you find restores your energy. In my house, DD and DH are relentless do-ers. They get bored easily and like to spend a free day doing some kind of activity or at the very least wandering the shops, browsing and people watching. The busier and more highly stimulating the better. I like to spend my free time pottering at home, walking in the woods or, if I am really lucky, reading a book in blissful solitude. The two strategies that solve this one are compromise, so all parties do a bit of both, and dividing up, so each parties does what they enjoy. I am up for a fun activity when we do something special, e.g seaside, theme park or day trip, but if they are just going out for the sake of it, usually I stay home. Right now OH and DD are out windowshopping and I'm enjoying the peace. Everyone is happy.
Hue · 01/10/2022 13:02

I’m very much like you. I love doing nothing at weekends and to be honest all the places suggested I’ve been to before. Walking the dog is enough for me. Tell him to go on his own.

Unanananana · 01/10/2022 13:06

What does he do around the house so these days out can be fitted in?

Sounds like you do it all. No wonder you are shattered.

NoSquirrels · 01/10/2022 13:06

Tell him to take the younger two out somewhere.

BernadetteRostankowskiWolowitz · 01/10/2022 13:29

How much housework and ironing does he do?