To not want to do that much at the weekends?

[Clickclickmoose]

Three children, 7, 11 and 13 and a full time job (have increased from 3 days a week to full time in the last six months), all of the life admin and house and kids stuff.
I get to the weekend and I’m shattered. Eldest has football every Sunday and younger two have swimming. This leaves Saturdays free and DH seems to want some sort of major outing every Saturday and when I say I am too fucking tired, he sulks.
Im not bothered if we aren’t up and dressed until noon but he is sulking because I apparently have energy to do things in the week but just want to lie around being lazy on a Saturday when we could be doing something.
I am shattered! I have suggested today we just go for lunch and get a couple of things we need from the shops but he is on about getting the train and going out somewhere for a ‘proper day out.’

Eldest doesn’t even want to go.

AIBU?

Do you both take the kids to swimming and football every Sunday? Maybe tag team so one does the sports (and brings a flask of coffee and a book!) And the other does the big shop and the ironing. Swap each week.

I wouldn't stand for it at all. I do TOMM so I do all cleaning during week (30 mins max a day) and he does all the cooking. We split the childcare including school runs down the middle or depending on who is working more that week. Get food delivered. I am in charge of mortgage stuff, gas and electric and he is in charge of water, insurance and everything related to the car.

We have the weekend totally free. I mean absolutely free, to do whatever we want as a family, or individually. This weekend I'm decorating (my choice because I love it).

If he wants to do something on a Saturday, agree and stop doing all of the things you do for him (continue to do your own and the kids things). He will soon see how it piles up.

FWIW I only iron school uniforms - it takes me a maximum of 15 mins on a Sunday evening.

You mention going from 3 to 5 days working recently - has there not been a discussion on how the housework/admin split needs to be revised based on that? That's got to be the place to start so as to highlight how unfair your revised load is.

Why is he not doing 50% of the life admin, child and house work? Who on earth thinks they get a say in someone else's spare time and energy when they are effectively stealing most of it by not doing their share? Who does this entitled bully think he is? He would get nothing but disdain from me.

I was married for over 20 years to a man who always wanted to be “on the go” with weekend adventures. I just wanted to relax and unwind after an exhausting week. We eventually divorced and he married someone just like him. Their idea of a fun weekend is climbing mountains or running up stairs for exercise. I’m living a lovely quiet life doing as I please while ex is happy with someone more compatible.

Tell him you'll go out on a sat when he and the kids start doing their share of the housework

Get a cleaner. Best money every spent and decision we made. She comes when we are all out of the house and take a mental pressure off as well as physically not having to do it myself. I get all of the washing done during the week and do an online shop so the weekends are ours. Having said that, before we got a cleaner my DH did half of everything. There's no way I would be staying in a relationship where I was expected to do all of the housework! You need to speak to him about doing half or comprising and getting a cleaner. Both myself and my DH work full time and we have three children and the only way it works is because we work as a team!

I love a day out as much as anyone but every week is too much. And everyone needs some proper down time to chill. A morning every week where there’s no deadline.

He also needs to take on some of the childcare, housework and life admin, if he’s got some much spare energy.

Why ‘I’ ?

I’ve got a load of housework to do too, the ironing just mounts up in the week.

Tell him to take the kids with him and you’ll see him later.

I personally prefer to have one day fully at home at the weekend. Maybe we will go out for a walk or something to nip to the shop but as someone with ADHD I need a day when I can just switch off. My kids don’t seem to mind!