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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Facebook/friend

27 replies

NYLass1980 · 01/10/2022 11:17

AIBU to have expected someone I have become close to accept my friend request on Facebook. She totally blanked it.
We work for the same company on the same level. She said sge likes to keep work and facebook separate but I keep seeing her as friends with current colleagues.
I wouldn't mind if we hadn't been as close and she messages/calls me often usually for support.
It appears she wa ts to keep work and facebook separate but not me as a confidant and work separate?
I have asked her why and she says I'm wrong to ask.
I can't help feeling she doesn't consider me a real friend if she knows this hurts me and only contact me when she needs me.

OP posts:
girlfriend44 · 01/10/2022 11:25

Let it go it dosent matter. Facebook isn't everything.

TimeforZeroes · 01/10/2022 11:27

I’m friends with people I don’t want to be on Facebook. I don’t want to defriend because I don’t want to make drama but I am now far more careful about who I accept. It’s probably something similar.

Vecnussy · 01/10/2022 11:27

Facebook isn't real life it's a social media platform. She has a real life work connection and support from you. You're being quite immature and weird about this.

LuckyLil · 01/10/2022 11:28

What reason does she say you are wrong to ask? If she's friends online with other colleagues but not you then I think she's made it clear in other ways she's not your friend and just uses you when she needs to. Stop being available for her.

MakeItRain · 01/10/2022 11:28

You're sort of being unreasonable! It's up to her who she has as a friend. But the reality is that this can be hurtful. I've had people "unfriend" me before, who I'd considered as friends which did take me aback a bit at the time. But each to his/her own really. Some people only want people on there that they actually see regularly as friends in real life. I don't use it so much now so wouldn't really notice if I'd lost friends. It's probably better to back off from FB if you find it upsetting.

HannaHanna · 01/10/2022 11:28

Can you describe why it is important to you?

Brefugee · 01/10/2022 11:28

People can do what the heck they like with their own social media accounts. Move on

Original poster
NYLass1980 · 01/10/2022 11:31

HannaHanna · 01/10/2022 11:28

Can you describe why it is important to you?

It's important to me because we were virtually in daily/every few days contact and discussing personal lives etc ofyen initiayed by her so cannot get my head around why she is so reluctant when adding others willy nilly etc.

OP posts:
Starsinyoureyes13 · 01/10/2022 11:36

I dont have that problem as I have my setting to people I know and don't add people I work with, not because I don't like them but because they are nosey and gossipy. Private life means happy life.
Don't be upset over it, learn from it and seek a new workmate that will happily accept you.

GloriousGlory · 01/10/2022 11:51

It was odd and rude for you to ask her why she didn't accept your request, it's just that a request.

You sound very intense and over invested in FB.

WhatALoadOfWankyness · 01/10/2022 11:58

you do sound rather intense , just let it go

HannaHanna · 01/10/2022 11:58

NYLass1980 · 01/10/2022 11:31

It's important to me because we were virtually in daily/every few days contact and discussing personal lives etc ofyen initiayed by her so cannot get my head around why she is so reluctant when adding others willy nilly etc.

Show quote history

I mean why is connecting on Facebook itself important?
“Because she is friends on Facebook with other people” does not really explain your need to connect in this specific way.

If you met someone and became close but they did not have a Facebook account would it make you feel less close?

Or are you looking for evidence that you are important to her and viewing it through that perspective?

We all use social media in different ways.
We also connect with different people in different ways. Example- I don’t engage with my closest friends on sm at all because we have plenty of RL interactions. (I know that is not the only way to do things, not suggesting you should also.)

PeekabooAtTheZoo · 01/10/2022 11:59

How do you know she's in regular contact with others/adding others? Maybe that might be why she's put up boundaries with you? Or maybe she asks personal questions in a small talk way and you give her your life story and never ask about her or listen properly? Or maybe she's seen something on your profile she doesn't like, such as letting other people tag you in their weird religious/MLM/attention seeking posts and she doesn't want the hassle? Or maybe she knows her politics are vastly different to yours and doesn't want you in her echo chamber? Not saying any of it is right or wrong, but there are a lot of reasons people don't add people they know on FB.

EgonsShell · 01/10/2022 12:02

Discussing personal lives in work and having close relationships with colleagues in the workplace doesn't need to replicate in real life. I've got 2 colleagues I'm close to, text each other etc but no way I'd have them in my social media circle and I'm sure the feeling is mutual. No reflection on how I feel about them but you never know how things are going to play out in your workplace in the future. Firm believer in keeping work and friends/family totally separate.

I accept though age difference might affect this view.

PanPacificBallroomChampion · 01/10/2022 12:53

It’s only Facebook.

Sunshinebug · 01/10/2022 13:01

She probably just wants to keep things separate and have a private life away from work. It’s not a snub, plenty of people have colleagues at work they get on well with but wouldn’t count as friends or wouldn’t want to mix with their other friends.

InCheesusWeTrust · 01/10/2022 13:06

I am currently blanking 12 friend requests. Some from extended family😂

Unless you are actually friends outside of work (which she may be with some other colleagues) then that's it.

Itloggedmeoutagain · 01/10/2022 13:12

I would be more bothered if it was the other way round. Plenty of people are fb friends but never bother with each other in real life

AtrociousCircumstance · 01/10/2022 13:14

This is the second thread you’ve started about this I think?

ChocHotolate · 01/10/2022 13:39

I would assume that she doesn't see you as a friend

Thatboymum · 01/10/2022 13:43

I don’t have work people on my Facebook. I used to have over 2000 friends and as I grew up I realised I didn’t want half the world seeing my business even if I do only post about 10 times in a year. I went through mine it took hours and I deleted every single person I didn’t class as a direct close friend and family and now have 56 people on it and I’m much happier with that. When work people try and add me I ignore it and don’t think anything of it and if I’m ever asked I’m honest and say i only have my best friends and family on it as I value my private life. It doesn’t mean i don’t like or value my colleagues I’m just not big on social media

ichimedin · 01/10/2022 14:04

reverse, no one could be this childish and not be mortified to post it on mn

FluffySocksAndHotChocolate · 01/10/2022 14:06

It's Facebook.

I don't even have Facebook and when I did i kept it strictly family only. Doesn't mean I don't like my friends because I do - I just don't want to share so much with them.

MardyBumm · 01/10/2022 14:21

My facebook account was made in 2006. There is absolutely no way I would accept a friend request from a colleague, even the ones I am close to and whatsapp/meet up with regularly. It is way too possible that there would be something on there that would paint me in a bad light and would look bad professionally.

dwightkurtschrute · 01/10/2022 14:27

You sound very intense and if it was me i would be cutting down any interaction with you.

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