Do you pay a babysitter if you cancel them with less than 24 hours notice?

[OneDayIWillDivorceHim]

DH not feeling well and now doesn't want to go out on long planned night out with me and our friends.

He stayed up till 3am last night gaming but sure

We have a part time nanny and she was meant to be babysitting for us this weekend and now isn't needed. She's meant to arrive at 5pm today.

Do I offer still to pay her? She may have turned down other babysitting work to cover us. I'm not sure.

Really? So if your boss calls tomorrow and says 'we don't need you next week, so won't be paying you', you'd think that was fair enough?! You wouldn't wonder how you're going to pay your bills..?

Yes. I hope you still go out anyway. Your DH sounds like a twat, and your username is a bit concerning. Is all ok OP?

Morally you should pay, absolutely. Legally speaking - if she already works for you anyway, do you not have a contract that covers cancellations?

I'm self-employed and my contract with all my clients state they need to pay in full if they cancel within 24h of a job.

It's good grace to do that.

Of course you should pay her when you’re giving her a few hours notice!

You’d be expected to pay for a pedicure you cancelled at the last minute and you’re questioning wether you should pay the person that looks after you children?

Yes of course

I'd get the nany and go out with my friends and leave sick DH at home

Can I just check something. Me and DH had blazing row just now.

DH has had a cold all week. He's also been complaining about going out this Saturday for ages just saying he's not up for it but he will come.

Then last night he stayed up till 3am gaming and drinking beer. He woke up and said he's not coming because he feels too ill.

I cancel babysitter. Must have looked grumpy. He's like "why are you in such a shitty mood"

I said I understood if he was too ill but he stayed up till 3am gaming.

He shouted that I was being a martyr and he said "if you really wanted me to fucking go then you should have said please please come and I would have given in. But instead you cancelled the babysitter and sulked"

He also got nasty saying "you've got 2 kids now but you still think you're a woman about town who can stay up all hours"

I literally never go out.

I'm paying the babysitter and I'm leaving him here with the kids. He said "I can't wait for you to fucking leave to be honest and then don't worry- me and the kids won't bother you anymore and you can pretend to be footloose and fancy free"

I mean. Should I have tried harder to persuade him to come? Was it martyr like to cancel babysitter but then be openly disappointed?

Babysitter just said she's relieved as feeling rubbish herself. I will still give her something on Monday though I think.

@Lalliella no, i guess im not ok. Not really. Thank you for asking.

Make him pay the babysitter and then stay home with the kids while you get dolled up and head out for a fab night with your friends. Have a wonderful time and hopefully next time he won't stay up till 3am playing games.

Definitely pay or offer to cover some of the fee. They may have missed out on plans with friends or other work. It will make sure they want to be available to baby sit again in the future for you too.

@OneDayIWillDivorceHim just seen your update. Go out, enjoy yourself and ignore DHs silly comments!

Also, based on your other thread you definitely need a good night out!

Totally this.

I'm sorry. But no. You're not a martyr. He's being a dick. I'm sorry you have to ask this.

I guess things have been like this for a while?

He's trying to blame you for his shitty behaviour. Can you talk to anyone in real life about this? Maybe not your friends tonight. I think it'd be nice for you to just go out and enjoy yourself. But maybe a phone call/coffee with someone later.

It sounds essentially like he doesn't want you to have a good time. He's done everything he can to sabotage it.

Your username worries me. If there's anything else you want to rant about the wise mnetters can help.

Thank u @dontputitthere

I know he won't change. He's nice when he's nice. And horrible when things don't go his way. But I'm old and ugly enough to know he's never going to change.

I know MNetters are so wise. And they will tell me to leave him

I'm just trying to be pragmatic. I don't get to leave him. I'm just trying to work out the least bad option - is he a worse husband or ex husband. Our youngest is a baby so I've got 18 years of dealing with him whatever happens.

He sounds horrible.

Sorry. Don't want this thread to become a LTB thread. It's all too sad and pointless. I'm stuck.

I definitely will pay the babysitter though 🙃

Yes, especially she’s Simone you use regularly.

I think you should LTB. However, as you’re clearly not going to, I will point out that staying with him doesn’t mean you are required to accept his bullshit. Stand up for yourself and stop letting this man say and do this nonsense to you.

I'm sorry. I really am. You sound so sad and defeated.

Why do you think staying together is the easier option? Could you do this for 18 more years?

I know you're strong. And I know you're doing this selflessly for your Dc. But i have many friends who say they wish their deeply unhappy parents had just split up earlier instead of having to grow up in a war zone

I know this is not what you want to hear. I really hope you take this as the positive it's meant to be! I just wanted to say you're not stuck. You never are. You always have options. Does anyone else know about this in real life?

Thank you @dontputitthere a few people know there are issues. There will be raised eyebrows tonight certainly....its all couples and I'll be the only one by myself. Ppl won't believe he's ill. He's also on the group WhatsApp and its our friends birthday and I know he won't say anything or let them know he's now not coming. So they'll be some looks across the table.

But if I say I'm considering finishing it people are a tad alarmed. We do get on v well at times. People like him.

I can't imagine for a second him being capable of co parenting without turning it into the most bitter dysfunctional shit show. And I've read enough posts about Disney dad's turning the kids against the mum etc. I can't put my kids through it. I just can't get my head round it. Him telling my babies what a bitch i am that that I broke up a happy family etc. They'll believe him.

Yes! I would always pay if I cancelled. Not just last minute anytime from booking.

He sounds like an utter twat. At least if you left him he'd be a twat at a distance. You'd still have to deal with him but at least you'd go home to a twat free house

Of course you pay. Babysitter has put that time aside for you.

If you don’t pay you’ll soon end up with a very small pool of available babysitters when you need them.