Itchy feet. Fair to kids?

[Feelinglikeachange22]

We live in a nice place (small house though)
I have a good job (though fairly stressful)
We live in excellent school catchment.
But I'm bored. Of the rat race and daily grind.
I don't have any close friends here.
Wibu to give this all up and move back to my hometown (which has poorer schools, way less facilities etc)?
Just feel like I'm existing not living if that makes sense.
I'm a single mum.

How old are the kids, do they have family on dads side where you are who they see often?
Can you afford to move? Get a job easily there?

They're 7 and 11 so eldest has to go to secondary school. I guess that has triggered this. Once he joins secondary we will effectively be locked in.

No. My job is fairly niche so I wouod have to diversify.

How will the kids dad feel about them moving away ? Is it far ?

Personally, I think YABU. I worked as a teacher and many schools are truly awful and simply do not provide an education. I worked in schools where the aim was simply to ensure kids didn’t come to physical harm and it didn’t matter if they learnt a single thing. Their right to a decent education trumps your desire to move. Surely you could either move somewhere else with good schools or wait a few years? Are you sure moving will actually fix your boredom and desire for something different. Often when people think a move will fix their woes, their woes follow them.

If the oldest is happy with it I'd go now. We just waited 5 years to move area once kids finished school. It's a long wait. But we wouldn't have gone while oldest in comp if dd wouldn't have handled it. By the time 5 years was up even though we are moving I don't want to go too far because of elderly parents and other commitments that have popped up. It's so easy to get stuck when you have lots of people to consider and new prospects on the horizon.

I had a few years of having a real yearning to go back to my home town, I’d look at houses for sale on line.
But someone said that you can’t go back, and it’s true. The thing that made my hometown amazing when I was growing up was the people, and most of them are dead now. It wouldn’t be the same.
Although I enjoyed my childhood, where I live now is better. My kids have had a better education and life here. Id be a fool to go back.
Keep moving forward.

I don't think that sounds like itchy feet, I think it sounds like a reasonable choice either way. Itchy feet would be dragging them off around Bali for the foreseeable.

Schools can vary hugely and some of the 'outstanding' academies were given a free pass ten years ago. Lots of jobs have a remote dimension that can at least be investigated these days.

Do your due diligence and trust your answers. Even going through the process might give you what you need from this.

Also if you wait till oldest finishes comp by then your youngest will be starting and won't want to leave. Can you realistically hang on another 8 years.

I don't think it's necessarily a bad idea but we don't really have enough info to really give a view.

Where is dad and what's his role?
How would it impact/improve their lives as well as yours?
Is there a decent school for them or are they all to be avoided? And who is saying they aren't good? Ofsted or parents and pupils?

I'd look into ways to improve my life where I am before the upheaval of moving which may not solve the issue anyway.

What would happen if you spent money moving, uprooted the kids, then you still felt the same ? Would you wish you were where you are now ?
Moving town won’t necessarily make you feel like you are living, it might be a big mistake.
Lots of us hate the daily grind and have no friends, we get on with it.

Sounds a bit selfish to move the kids if they are happy and settled where they are

Surely timing is already tricky as secondary applications have to be in by 31st oct ?
You'd risk them not having a school place at all if you if did it now maybe ?

I moved from the south east to Somerset a few years ago because I was sick of scrabbling about to make ends meet.
It's fantastic but then DS is grown up. I would not have moved hi. Into a crappy school.

How easy will it be to find a new job? How will the rat race be different? If it is less pressured does that mean less income? Will that mean that you/children can’t do the activities that are available and what does it mean for housing?

if it will mean a big difference to your MH that is also in the mix. How will the daily grind be better?

I moved back to my home town as the South was way too expensive. We have a few good schools, family and lots if friends and nobody in the South so it was a bit easier for me.

How bad are the schools? Will you have family support? You can't put a price on that.

It depends on how ground down you are libel to get and if you'll develop unhealthy behaviours. On the face of it, I'd find something to take me out of everyday life. For me it was meditation, exercise and gaming. I needed things that I could do at home.

So your eldest is in year 6, if you move, you do sort of have to go now - as in the next few weeks as many areas the application deadline for secondary schools closes before the end of October and from what you’ve said about your old hometown, there aren’t many good school options.

when my dc1 was in year 5 there was a lot of people moving to be in the new location before school application dates, my dc2 is now in year 5 and the summer between 4&5 there has been 2 children leave and 2 new join her class. I expect more movement this year.

you really only have a few weeks to make the decision and go, is that what’s triggering the feeling?

mare you sure you’d be happy in the other location? It sounds like you’d have to move without a job, potentially lowering your/your dcs standard of living for a new career, you haven’t managed to make friends in your new town, but you have been there for years, are you sure it’ll all be easier in your old town?

If you stay to let your dcs have the better schools where you currently live, would it be a 9 year commitment to this town ? (Until dc2 finished year 11 and you can move for year 12/13).

I live in an area with bad schools and although we do our best to counteract it at home with extracurriculars etc, it hasn't really worked and my dc's enthusiasm for education has been knocked. We are now looking to move somewhere with good schools as first priority.

Yes, go.

If you’re worried about education, maybe you can move to a place close to your family with better schools/ job prospects

Thank you everyone. I know the school in the new place gets decent results however the recent inspection cited problems with bullying and leadership and management. By contrast the schools here are all rated excellent.

Yes I'd have no job to go to and would have to probably apply for lesser paying jobs. We would have accommodation lined up that belongs to family however.

Perhaps it's fomo and grass is greener.

@KangarooKenny, hit the nail on its head. The thing that makes your childhood home special is the people who love you there. If they are still there fair enough, if you think you could get a job, if your loved ones have died or moved away it won't be the coming home you think it will be.

Problems with bullying in the new area school would definitely worry me. Not having a job lined up is also a concern . I’m all for taking action to improve your life if you’re not happy but this sounds more like running away from your life as it is than a proper thought through plan

It's FOMO for sure.

Why on earth would you uproot your DCs from good schools where they are happy for a fanciful whim about moving back to your home town?

Over the next 6 months really focus on making your life where you are. Join things - get babysitters if you need to - talk to the other DMs at the school, go to some evening events. It mostly sounds like you're lonely, and that doesn't feel like a good enough reason to uproot your DCs.