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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Itchy feet. Fair to kids?

48 replies

Feelinglikeachange22 · 01/10/2022 07:39

We live in a nice place (small house though)
I have a good job (though fairly stressful)
We live in excellent school catchment.
But I'm bored. Of the rat race and daily grind.
I don't have any close friends here.
Wibu to give this all up and move back to my hometown (which has poorer schools, way less facilities etc)?
Just feel like I'm existing not living if that makes sense.
I'm a single mum.

OP posts:

BattenburgDonkey · 01/10/2022 22:39

It sounds like you want to move to a worse area with worse schools to no job with the prospects of less money, because now is the time to make that choice if you are going to make it… I wouldn’t do that to myself or my kids personally. What makes you think you will be happier? If you still aren’t happy, then what?

KangarooKenny · 02/10/2022 07:48

One of my reasons for not moving back was to give my kids the better life. Yes, in my mind I had a wonderful childhood with family and friends, but they’re not there now.
My kids have a better life here, I did better than my parents, and I want my kids to do better than I did. If every generation does better than the one before, that’s good progress and worth staying for.
‘Maybe put all the effort of moving into creating a better life where you are. See what’s missing and find it there.

GoodVibesHere · 02/10/2022 09:04

Why your hometown? Do you mean because you have got close family and lots of friends there?

Darbs76 · 02/10/2022 09:05

I was in your position but decided to stay. Much better schools (and much better everything). It was the right decision

Bagzzz · 02/10/2022 09:34

Although it’s a bit harder I’m sure lots of children have to move during different years of school so does the decision have to be made this month?

pandy2 · 02/10/2022 10:00

But what is better about moving home??

ChazsBrilliantAttitude · 02/10/2022 10:06

You need to stop and think about why you really want to move. What is it that you want to be different? What are the pros and cons of moving v staying put.

One thing I will say is that I found there is a point when you have DC where it does feel a bit like you are putting your life on hold and prioritising them. Mine are now 15 and 19, one is at Uni. I am looking forward to when the other finishes school and hopefully goes to Uni as well. For the first time in years the responsibility will be lessened. DH and I can focus more on what we want, go away during school time etc. etc. I would imagine as a single parent that is an even bigger issue because it all falls to you.

MissMaple82 · 02/10/2022 10:08

Totally unfair !! I believe one you have children, it's no longer about your itchy feet and more about theor stability and opportunities

CanaryShoulderedThorn · 02/10/2022 10:14

The thing is, whatever is making you feel feel bored and fed up will still be there when you move, just in a worse area.
I'd look at what I could change to make you happier in your current situation.
Could you arrange regular meet ups with your old friends, invite your family round regularly.
Pick up some hobbies or maybe (if single) join a dating site.

TooMuchToDoTooLittleInclination · 02/10/2022 10:18

MissMaple82 · 02/10/2022 10:08

Totally unfair !! I believe one you have children, it's no longer about your itchy feet and more about theor stability and opportunities

Martyr Mummy does not make kids secure & happy.

@Feelinglikeachange22

how often do you 'go home'? His well do your kids know your family?

..and as others have asked. Do the kids see their Dad(s). What will he/they think?

your eldest will only be going into Y7. Changing schools during Y7/Y8 really isn't a big deal. I wouldn't rush into doing it for the start of Y7, but if you do, talk to the best schools & see what the likelihood is of getting a place if you don't apply this month.

inheritanceshiteagain · 02/10/2022 10:19

Compromise and move somewhere with better schools?

SoupDragon · 02/10/2022 10:20

poorer schools, way less facilities etc

why on earth would you move somewhere there is less?

surely the choices aren't stay where you are v move back home. Can't you look for somewhere that has benefits for all of you?

Original poster

Feelinglikeachange22 · 03/10/2022 17:35

Yes I know it doesn't make any sense. But it's a head and heart thing. I can't explain it. It's like that's where I'm meant to be.

OP posts:

AuntSalli · 03/10/2022 17:41

Hang in there I had to move continents and drag happy kids away just before secondary school they’ve never recovered, even though they got to university they’ve never had the friendships, the lifestyle and the enjoyment and pleasure they got out of school where we were.

MinnieMountain · 03/10/2022 17:46

That’s not a good enough reason for uprooting their lives OP. Speaking as one whose DM moved for better reasons and still found it hard.

Kissingfrogs25 · 03/10/2022 18:07

So the schools sound inferior to the ones near you now
You have no job to move to
No guarantee of the friends you long for

What is it about the new place that make this grind magic away? You will still need to work, find new friends, do the housework, pay the bills. Is there something about the new place that will give you a better life?

How will you find friends there if making friends where you are has been difficult?

I wonder if it is just hard everywhere and you are longing for a break from the responsibility (not unreasonably) Your dc could hate the new place, then what?

LimeCheesecake · 03/10/2022 18:26

Another thought OP - it seems you have the pull of “home town” - the place you were little, remember it being a place you felt at home and settled, knew where everything was and knew lots of people.

your current town feels like that to your kids.

Don’t take it away from them in order to move somewhere they don’t know, with no friends, and from what you’ve said, going from being financially secure to being a family with a lot less money coming in and bad schools.

jolene90 · 03/10/2022 20:50

It's not wrong to be heart over head but I just don't get what you like about home? Friends? Family? Type of house? Rural / urban location? What's the draw?

Original poster

Feelinglikeachange22 · 03/10/2022 20:54

Hi Jolene
It's rural (live in a city now)
Type of house - big farmhouse for the size of a small terrace here.
I have friends with I am still in touch with there.
It would be nearer their dad so he could share care a lot more, freeing me up.

OP posts:

Kissingfrogs25 · 03/10/2022 21:23

I can see why it’s appealing. I live rurally.
Are your children excited to move/unhappy or indifferent?
Have you considered what it will be like as a teen? They will soon be older.
Opportunities to work? Study?
What does it offer your dc?

rookiemere · 03/10/2022 21:27

"It would be nearer their dad so he could share care a lot more, freeing me up."

Sorry but your way of phrasing this is very odd. It seems like you're only viewing it from your own point of view .Would seeing their DF more be good for the DCs ?

cooolio · 03/10/2022 21:34

What do the kids think about it?

jolene90 · 03/10/2022 21:40

They sound like compelling reasons. As long as schools weren't failing it sounds like a serious option to consider.

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