To ask you all how the hell I can sort my house out?

[Ostryga]

I’m going to start this off with saying I have diagnosed adhd and I’m currently unmedicated.

I am the queen of never, ever asking for help and pretending everything is fine and never telling anyone what is going on. I still can’t tell people close to me what the problems are but I’m starting somewhere.

I’m embarrassed and really ashamed. Im so disorganised and untidy and whilst DD’s bedroom is lovely my room and the rest of the house is just clutter and crap everywhere.

I feel sick to my stomach posting this but I have got to do something and maybe even the viper nest telling me I’m awful will be the kick up the bum. Im just so stuck with where to start and it’s immediately overwhelming I don’t know what to do anymore.

Another recommendation to look at aslobcomesclean.com
I've found her principles really helpful at getting the house to a level I can control.
Her decluttering principles are simple as:
Pick an area and get rid of rubbish first and start in the most visible space.
Then, once you've got what you think is all the rubbish out, look at the first thing you see and say to yourself, "Where would I look for this first?" If the answer is "the kitchen" take it to the kitchen and put it away now. It all feels a bit laborious to start with but you don't end up making a worse mess with lots of piles of stuff to go places that never end up getting to their final home.
Her Container Concept was a game changer for me - everything is a container: the basket on the shelf, the cupboard that shelf is in, the room the cupboard is in, etc, etc - if the 'container' is always overflowing, you'll never be able to control it.
I tried FlyLady, TOMM and found them all to be too bossy and the emphasis was on the cleaning rather than the decluttering so that you could clean.

I hope you find the help you want - a less cluttered house has really freed up my mind and improved my mood no end - have a not-approved-by-Mumsnet hug from me🤗

I would echo this. I always struggled with the TOMM method itself but the patreon cleanalongs are a game changer. They are filed by place in house / type of clean and time taken, and you just get on with it because she is telling you what to do.

I have always struggled with focus but she is so reassuring and non judgemental.

Lots of good advice here. A practical ADHD thing I'd add is something to keep you occupied while doing it. When decluttering I have familiar songs on repeat so I can also think about where to put things and for actual cleaning I listen to audiobooks. Make sure you use headphones for hoovering or lots of water usage so you can still hear something. Put the TV on in TV rooms etc.

Expect it to be slow and take longer than you expect/want. If you get distracted try to refocus. Don't do anything in your having a break time that you know you will accidentally spend hours on.

Be kind to yourself. Acknowledge your successes! My road to a sorted house wasn't keeping the kitchen clean all the time but keeping the bedroom clean, so there was an oasis to escape to where I could think and function. House cleaning focuses so much on the kitchen but it's constant and tedious and I could only get to grips with that aspect once I'd regularly and happily kept my bedroom clean and clutter free.

Been there, done that... in a slightly better place now
What is the room that matters to you most? Ideally, I want my bedroom to be an oasis of calm and therefore lovely and tidy but I've realised that the room which stresses me out the most if it's messy is the kitchen and the sitting room comes second.
I swear I spend hours each day in the kitchen going around in circles (sometimes literally). So I've tried to break the habit. The first thing is that everything has a home, even if that home is the dumping ground in the corner of the worktop. Then, I've given up the idea of always having it spotless, especially as no one else in the house is much use at actually putting things in (rather than next to) the dishwasher or cereal boxes and things away. Instead, a couple of times a day, I start at point and work my way around sorting it out. I can't always start at the same point as I inevitably get bored or distracted and so don't ever get to the end.
For some reason, the DC are much more co-operative at tidying up in the sitting room (perhaps from when they were younger and used to play with their toys in there) so I try and get us to all do that together for five minutes. One thing which has really helped is getting a robot hoover. It means there's a real incentive to keep the floor clear. Another thing is the children getting older and past the stage where there is lego all over the floor.
Some bits of the house I really bother with. Apart from the bit which can be seen when I'm on a Zoom call, my study is a complete tip. For some reason, that doesn't bother me much.

A Slob Comes Clean x1000

If you hire a skip you are going to be motivated to put lots of stuff in it before anyone else starts hauling their junk in it. Then you'll be in a better frame of mind for cleaning.

I am going through a major declutter currently. My past work schedule and also a period of terrible ill health and a DH who likes to keep stuff just in case are my issues. Plus my collection of books and dvd’s.

I have taken to looking at each room and getting stuff together, the key is not leaving a pile for this and a pile for that, it’s straight outside in to the car. We have also been decorating and having new carpet so it is an ideal time.

I have about 1.5k books which are stored in chests and cupboards, I am going to sell or donate almost all of them. I also have 400 DVDs. They are now all in zipped cases which take up one drawer before that they took up about 8.

My reasons for clutter are different to yours, all I can write is the feeling is great once done and good luck.

Following

Be kind to yourself your house did not become messy in one day, so it can't be done in one day.
start in the kitchen take everything out of the sink, clean it and then fill it up with hot soapy water and soak anything that needs washing up. Then get a load of washing and pop that on. See you have already done 2 jobs. Wash up and dry up and put away. Then get a bag and fill it up with any rubbish, tidy up the worktops and clean then. I do that and you have finished the kitchen.
Move into the lounge and get all the rubbish in a bag and put it straight into the bin.
Repeat over the days and it will slot into place.
Also never leave a room empty handed, go and put it in the room it belongs to.

My brother has ADHD and growing up he had the messiest room possible. As an adult he realised that his tolerance for mess is very low and it makes him feel bad and so now he is very neat.

Two tips I that have really helped me -

• I feel that the overwhelm of clutter leads me to not feel up to tackling it whereas if you tell yourself it’s just a bunch of objects that you can and will move and tidy then it’s somehow easier. Keep reminding yourself of that.
• Set a timer for 10 minutes and tidy just one room in that time and see how you feel. Then later do another 10 or even 20.

You can learn about every strategy under the sun. It's about action. You have to actually do it. That's what you need find- the motivation.

Are you free today? Because you will nake a massive dent in it if you put in sustained effort today.

Good luck. It's horrible feeling overwhelmed l.

For a start you need to get rid of lots and lots of stuff. I try to regularly declutter each room including the kids stuff. It's amazing how we accumulate all this shit.

It's much easier to keep it tidy if there's fewer things. I totally streamlined my living room first and everything my husband brought more stuff into the house I reminded him how nice it felt to sit in there. I literally sit in there when I'm stressed and think how nice does this look, everything in that room has a function and there's no clutter. So it spurred us on to do the rest of the house.

Keep on top of the decorating too when youve finished as things like that are annoying too. Will be so good for your mental health.

Really feel for you OP - we downsized a few years ago & have never really got sorted since. DD is as yet undiagnosed but we suspect she has ADHD. Her idea of sorting out her room is to literally throw loads of stuff out onto the landing then DH & I have to check that she’s not chucking anything valuable or still of use! At least she tries.
I would pick a room & just don’t give headspace to anything else whilst you’re doing it or you will become overwhelmed. DH & I did the landing the other day & it’s so much better to be able to reach our bedrooms! I am guilty of buying too much, especially clothes - I now have a pile that I haven’t even tried on. This used to be a comfort thing when my marriage was shitty but I know I need to rein it in now.

Remove distractions until you get into a routine. For example, In the time it's taken me to read through this thread I could have tidied and cleaned my living room 😉
I agree with the poster up thread that mentioned pod casts etc, whilst they may have helpful tips they are not actually doing anything about your situation (distraction!). You could spend 15 minutes listening to someone telling you to pick rubbish up or you could spend 15 minutes picking actual rubbish up.....which do you think would make the biggest difference?
Just get a bin bag and make a start, only you can find your motivation!

Accept that it's going to take time. There isn't a magic wand.

Pick one tiny job at a time, as you can manage them.

Pick more obvious things first, your cupboard with tea and coffee cups for example. Do they all fit in the space you have, if you have 46 cups-donate all the ones you don't need.

It took me about 18 months to do my whole house, I was always outwardly tidy, but every drawer and cupboard looked like the 'Monica cupboard'

I gradually added helpful storage ideas etc. some days I got lots done, others just maintaining the jobs I'd already done was a challenge. But you will get there.

Some wonderful advice I received is just to set yourself 5 minutes. Put a timer on an once it dings, stop. If you feel like doing more you can, but you don't have to.

Pick what's annoying you the most. Start with that. Just do a little bit and often.

If you don't know where to start, do the dishes.

I think people who say to start with cupboards don't understand what the problems can really be.

Do the dishes and put them away. Do not get distracted trying to tidy the cupboard they belong in, just put them away.

Then clean the work surfaces.

If you get nothing more done today don't worry.
Then tomorrow do dishes and work surfaces again and do one more flat surface.
IMO anything hidden in cupboards should wait until all flat surfaces, including the floors, are clear.

I am the queen of clutter and chaos when it all gets to much I like the organised mum method, bootcamp. I can never stick to the long term plan though

I would focus on laundry and dishes to start with - go round the house and collect all the dirty laundry and dishes. Put a load in the washing machine, wash up one bowl full/load the dishwasher.

Accept that this is a perpetual job but it just gets easier the more you practice. One the laundry/dishes job has been started - put ten things away. Take it from there.

This has helped me SO MUCH. I was always looking for a perfect system to help me get on top of things and things just became more elaborate an unmanageable.

The best things for me were:

understanding there is a finite amount of space.

Just bin it.

And putting things where you are most likely to be able to find them again.

I listen to the podcast when doing clearing.

I also have in my to do list every day "make bed". This means just pick up stuff from floor vaguely put away, and straighten cover. This simple task helped me keep my bedroom tidy for three months. I dint do it perfectly, but it's made a massive difference -- one less room to be overwhelmed by.

You're not awful I struggle with this too. I find lists really helpful. I set some time aside make a list of things I want to clean/organise/ tidy and then divvy it out across a few days or the weekend. The key thing for me is not getting overloaded with trying to do too much at once because then I just get disheartened. I start by prioritising the things that will make the biggest difference eg is the kitchen full of dishes. Get them done first. If the laundry basket is over flowing get a wash on so anything on the floor can go in the basket. If you can identify the key things to start with the rest is easier. For example I know when I'm behind on washing the basket over flows, clothes end up on the floor and I start running late because I've nothing to wear and don't know where things are etc etc so I try to keep the laundry basket emptyish. Also work smarter not harder, I would sometimes take bags of clothes to the machines you pay for and do a huge wash and dry in bulk. It saves so much time.

Do a regular clear out of clutter, I'm sentimental and can struggle to part with things but I know I feel better when I do. It also makes it easier to clean and dust when there's less sitting on the surfaces in the first place. I use a laundry basket, pick any given surface and put everything on it into the basket. Clean the surface then only put back out what you think looks nice and spacious, then sort the rest into keep/ donate/throw and finish the basket before you start a new surface with the same approach. Get Dd to help you with whatever chores she can do for her age and set a few days aside for getting caught up on yourself. Then 30 mins each night just for maintaining. Start in a room at a time. When I feel overwhelmed by it I think, there's 5 rooms in my house there's 5 days in the week. If I sort a room a night then in one week my house will be tidy and I can go back to just maintaining it.

Everyone gets behind sometimes no need to beat yourself up over it. Let go of the guilt and just take the steps you feel able to take. Once you've done a few it'll make you feel good and the next steps will be easier again.

Join us in housekeeping on the hoarders thread.

I agree with washing and dishes daily. Then add in one job. Hoover one day, clear and declutter the coffee table the next day, clear the dining table or kitchen side the day after etc. Set a timer for ten minutes and keep going until the timer is up. Start slowly so not get overwhelmed but see enough progress. Take before and after photos

After this thread, feeling less alone, I’ve made a start today. 10 minutes clean, 10 minutes relax. And repeat over and over since 9:30 this morning. I’m going to break for lunch now but it’s felt so manageable to know it’s only 10 minutes.

In the spirit of honesty at first 10 minutes also felt too much so I set my timer to 5 minutes for tidy and rest, then 7 minutes, now 10.

ADHD chaos here too 😅 but I did find the organized mum method really helpful at the start but now I have my own bare minimum lists, things I have to do every day in whatever order whenever I can. If something is too specific then I can't move past a "block" in my way which is why the "whenever, wherever" attitude works for me and I don't feel boxed in.

When rooms in particular are daunting I do what the organized mum says and start on the left and keep moving that way. Bring a bin bag for dumping and a laundry basket for sorting and move as you go. Also: cleaning caddies. I have one with spray cleaner, polish, my cloths, window thing (rarely used but its presence makes me feel productive 🤣) loo cleaner, all that stuff so it's easier to grab and bring into a room with me. If I had to keep going back or think too long about it I'd get distracted. Or cleaning out the cleaning cupboard supplies and forget the original job.

You don't need shame, you need compassion for yourself and realise that of course "just do it" doesn't work. Our brains don't work like that X

Handle everything once.
SO you take some packaging off - straight in the bin /recycling.
Post arrives - open and drop the envelope /leaflets stright in the recycling. File anything that needs filing, and then you don't have an accumulation.
Recycling things to charity - keep a box by the door and take in regularly.

etc