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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not look forward to weekends?

31 replies

Workweeker · 30/09/2022 16:56

I think I have never really looked forward to weekends except when I have been really busy or stressed at work. I do like my job so that is part of it but I cannot help but think not looking forward to weekends (bearing in mind I work Monday to Friday) is a sign I am not happy with my life.

I am married with a young child but I feel like it is pulling teeth sometimes to get DH to do something nice together. He wants to potter around at home or use his free time to relax but on his own rather than us. I do things with just our child but it would be nice to be able to look forwards to weekends together doing something nice.

Last weekend we had an afternoon out, somewhere we haven't been before, and all really enjoyed it including him but before we went he was saying "why do we need to go there?" etc.

He is like a child actually and I am wondering why I have to twist his arm to spend time with us.

Maybe I have answered my own question!

I find it hard to get out to do things with friends as most seem to want to spend time with their OHs on weekends.

OP posts:
Cryingbutstilltrying · 30/09/2022 17:01

It sounds to me like your DH is an introverted homebody. That’s just the way he (and many others) recharge and relax. I’m probably very similar, as is one of my children. We just like to chill at home, take it steady, that’s it.
In my case I value time at home all the more as my work is very people focussed and busy. It’s completely the wrong job for me!

It is very frustrating to want to be out more, and small children mean you probably want to be busy so the day passes quicker!
The only thing I can suggest is to plan a day out once a month, or once a fortnight, whatever suits best. Put it in the diary. I’m far less likely to object to something planned than a surprise. I don’t much like surprises.

Greenginghamdress · 30/09/2022 17:03

Just wanted to say I know how you feel.
My weekends are spent taking my DD out and entertaining her whilst me partner relaxes, goes out or watches football.
In a way I prefer being at work! I used to love weekends but it's different when you have children.
Have you spoken to your husband about how you feel?
What about booking a day/night out with friends in advance for something to look forward to?

Original poster
Workweeker · 30/09/2022 17:04

I'm an introvert too but it only seems fair to DC to take them out.

When we are at home he just wants to do his own thing and I am left holding the baby, as it were.

It is not as if he is around and helping clean the house or the childcare even if he wants to be at home. He just wants to do his own thing and not really consider anyone else. Or so it seems!

OP posts:
Original poster
Workweeker · 30/09/2022 17:06

Thanks @Greenginghamdress

Yes I think I will plan more with friends on a weekend if I can and rely on him less.

I think I may speak to him but without it seeming like I am putting pressure on him but perhaps I will give him the option of staying home with DC and I will go out if that what he wants! I don't really want to go out without DC though!!

OP posts:
Shoxfordian · 30/09/2022 17:07

It sounds like he’s not really interested in family life- is this acceptable to you? Did you do things together before the baby?

Original poster
Workweeker · 30/09/2022 17:09

No it isn't really acceptable to me and no we didn't do much before.

He says we are always together but that's because we live in the same house and neither of us goes out much without the other but we don't spend time together. In the evenings we are separate apart from if we have a quick dinner together that one of us cooks.

OP posts:
Shoxfordian · 30/09/2022 17:11

Why are you with someone who doesn’t want to spend time with you and didn’t even want to before you had a baby?

RubyJam · 30/09/2022 17:14

I don’t think it’s the weekends that’s the issue , it’s your DP.

Titsywoo · 30/09/2022 17:16

That sounds really sad. My DH never enjoyed kid stuff but went on days out because the kids enjoyed them. The fact that you sit apart in the evening says a lot about your relationship - do you even like each other?

Original poster
Workweeker · 30/09/2022 17:17

Yes it's the DH I think.

I didn't realise it before we got married. We are both introverts and there was often a reason not to go out (saving money, tired after work etc) and then I realise we never make plans.

OP posts:
Original poster
Workweeker · 30/09/2022 17:18

Honestly at the moment I'm not sure we do like each other.

Sometimes I think if he'd just go I would take that as I feel like I do so much for us all as a family and he just takes so I'd rather he wasn't here. I don't always feel that way.

OP posts:
Titsywoo · 30/09/2022 17:20

Honestly it sounds like you need a serious conversation or relationship counselling. Surely your life would be happier as a single mother if he isn't involved in your lives?

Diablocircus · 30/09/2022 17:27

There are two days in the weekend, would it not be fair enough to do something on a Saturday and then he can veg about on the Sunday.

Have a serious conversation with him and see if he will agree, and ask him to pick the activity or alternate each week. Maybe if he has chosen it he will be more enthusiastic?

Children do need occupying and entertaining over the weekend and it’s important they get to experience new things for their development and confidence. That’s his job too not just yours.

CoveredInCobwebs · 30/09/2022 17:28

This does sound like a bigger problem OP but in the meantime, something that one of my friends did when her DC were young was split the weekend up into four slots (Sat am/Sat pm/Sun am/Sun pm). Her husband took the kids out for one slot, she took the kids out for one slot, they did something as a family for one slot and they did something chilled at home for the other. I think they were both feeling really unfulfilled and exhausted by the weekends.
DH and I have always seen the weekend as time to be together as a family but if that's not where your DH is then maybe there's a way you can make the weekends refreshing and enjoyable for you too. Either way I think you need to tell him this: I do like my job so that is part of it but I cannot help but think not looking forward to weekends (bearing in mind I work Monday to Friday) is a sign I am not happy with my life. (I think you are right about this)

CryingWithin · 30/09/2022 17:36

Oh OP, my heart breaks reading this. I could've written the same thread myself

We sat in separate rooms at night, and I spent the weekends with our child as he wanted to go out with his friends. I made no secret of the fact that we never did family stuff as he chose not to.

You're not asking for much, it's the bare minimum. I look back now and it built a huge amount of resentment between us, me constantly being on his back about it and him pushing back. Please please try and work at this. Ultimately mine didn't want to and we're no longer together. This resonates so much with me, and I hope you can work on it as the alternative is unbearable

caroleanboneparte · 30/09/2022 17:36

How much time does he spend alone with dc? (With you out of the house)

Whattheactualfcku · 30/09/2022 17:39

That’s really sad! Both me and my OH work Ft and have a 4 year old DS. Weekends are family time to do stuff together. One of it might have a few hours on our own over the weekend to go to gym or something but weekends are to enjoy together. He sounds like the problem 😔

TeaMoreToast · 30/09/2022 17:50

I split weekends with my ex (when we were together and liked each other!) like @CoveredInCobwebs friend.

I'm an introvert and worked FT. I needed a half day on my own at the weekend and it was nice having DC to myself for a half day.

About once a month we'd do a big day out, like a visit to the zoo, and spend the other day chilling out at home.

Your DH sounds really disengaged from family life. Its important he spends time with DC on his own, or he isnt nurturing his relationship with them. I'd be asking him why this isn't important to him, and myself whether it's worth remaining with a man who it's not important to.

Ironically if you split he would be forced to have DC on his own. Unless he is a real deadbeat and won't want access - in which case why are you with him as that is not the sort of person who can help bring up happy confident children.

Bumply · 30/09/2022 18:05

I used to look forward to Friday evening for the rest from work, and Monday morning for the rest from being a single parent

Delilahonabike · 30/09/2022 18:12

CoveredInCobwebs · 30/09/2022 17:28

This does sound like a bigger problem OP but in the meantime, something that one of my friends did when her DC were young was split the weekend up into four slots (Sat am/Sat pm/Sun am/Sun pm). Her husband took the kids out for one slot, she took the kids out for one slot, they did something as a family for one slot and they did something chilled at home for the other. I think they were both feeling really unfulfilled and exhausted by the weekends.
DH and I have always seen the weekend as time to be together as a family but if that's not where your DH is then maybe there's a way you can make the weekends refreshing and enjoyable for you too. Either way I think you need to tell him this: I do like my job so that is part of it but I cannot help but think not looking forward to weekends (bearing in mind I work Monday to Friday) is a sign I am not happy with my life. (I think you are right about this)

I would 100% do this in your shoes OP, what a great idea!

BoxOfCats · 30/09/2022 19:35

The issue isn't that he's an introvert, it's that he doesn't want to participate in family life or share equal responsibility for being a parent. You cannot carry on like this, the resentment will grow over time. I would have a come to Jesus moment with him and tell him that unless he wants to step up and be an involved parent and partner, he needs to leave.

5128gap · 30/09/2022 19:55

I didn't like weekends when my children were small. Compared to the working week in a job I loved with colleagues who were also friends and great fun, weekends were a real drag. Always on a clock dicatated by the children, trying to squeeze in chores around entertaining them, days out to child friendly locations to look at yet more fluffy animals, or sit on cold benches while they played.
Never any time for the things that interested me. It just wasn't a life I enjoyed much.
Fortunately, the older and more independent they got and 'family fun' started to include activities that actually were fun, I started to look forward to them again.
Meanwhile, I'm sure your husband feels much the same, but rather than accept it for the stage it is, he's decided to opt out, which is very unfair and needs addressing.

EstellaRijnveld · 03/10/2022 07:25

I would book a weekly gym/activity session every sat am and leave him in bed with the baby. I would then shower and have a breakfast out, maybe head to the library before going home. I'd ensure I'm out most of Saturday morning so you get relaxation time as well. It's not fair if he gets regular time for himself while you don't.

Don't forget to switch the phone off. It's a good way to remind him that if he becomes a lone parent then he needs to deal with it all by himself. Selfish twat.

EbbyEbs · 03/10/2022 07:28

My DH is the same, on a weekend he just wants to slob around, play on his computer game, do DIY etc

I had to twist his arm to walk the dog with me for an hour on Saturday morning

MidnightEagle · 03/10/2022 07:37

To be honest my husband doesn't really like doing days out either (or even holidays!). He would much rather just be relaxing at home doing bits and bobs or in the garden. He is good around the house though and does majority of the cooking. I have friends who seem to be always out doing stuff (almost to the extreme, like they never spend any time at home) and wonder do their husbands not moan about it 🤣.