To not look forward to weekends?

[Workweeker]

I think I have never really looked forward to weekends except when I have been really busy or stressed at work. I do like my job so that is part of it but I cannot help but think not looking forward to weekends (bearing in mind I work Monday to Friday) is a sign I am not happy with my life.

I am married with a young child but I feel like it is pulling teeth sometimes to get DH to do something nice together. He wants to potter around at home or use his free time to relax but on his own rather than us. I do things with just our child but it would be nice to be able to look forwards to weekends together doing something nice.

Last weekend we had an afternoon out, somewhere we haven't been before, and all really enjoyed it including him but before we went he was saying "why do we need to go there?" etc.

He is like a child actually and I am wondering why I have to twist his arm to spend time with us.

Maybe I have answered my own question!

I find it hard to get out to do things with friends as most seem to want to spend time with their OHs on weekends.

My husband is literally exactly the same! After many heart to hearts l finally got to the bottom of it all, he loves spending time with our daughter and I, but is a massive introvert and as he works so hard his weekends are time for him to unwind from work, so we have come to a compromise where once a month we have a family day out doing something we will all enjoy! It’s worked wonders, and now he even looks forward to our ‘family’ day out. Maybe have a proper talk with him, try to find out from him.

My husband's the same as you. Always planning to go somewhere every weekend. Which involves getting up early, packing a picnic and a bag of stuff. To go somewhere, I didn't particularly want to visit! However since the increase in fuel /bills, he's been planning trips in the car less. All I want to do is sort out the house/washing and relax at home, at the weekends.

I really feel for you OP! it's hard when the DC are small & demanding too. My DH has been busy playing football every Sat afternoon since our eldest was born 18 years ago. He now also coaches my DS football team Sat mornings & obviously there's the matches on Sunday mornings too. It's never-ending tbh & I barely see him on Saturdays as he's busy 9.45 til about 5/6pm. I've got used to it & it's easier now kids are teenagers etc but I often find weekends very boring as DH is an introvert really but has a busy, demanding job & spends a lot of time on phone in zoom meetings to clients etc so when the weekends come he wants to sit in garden/listen to podcasts/drink wine in hot tub (alone) etc etc. we'll watch films in the evenings & if both kids are here/not busy we'll play a boardgame etc. I see a friend now for coffee Sat mornings & I go for walks alone. Men can be a bit selfish imo & need to recharge in different ways (ie quietly & alone). It makes me a bit sad when I see how sociable some neighbours are with each other - I get on with them but DH would definitely moan if said 'oh I've invited Bob & Debbie round for a takeaway tonight' - but if we do arrange drinks with friends he'll moan but then enjoy it once we're there. My DH also manages a fast walk every week day but mostly refuses to go for walks with me at weekends as he's either busy with football or says I don't walk fast enough/he doesn't go for walks at weekends 🙄. They are insensitive without meaning to be I think (especially if late 40s & male menopause lol like my DH) I do think you need to have a calm chat with your DH OP & ask him how he feels. He sounds a bit depressed tbh. He needs to compromise though & agree to family days out every fortnight or something. Not fair if you're having to do all weekend childcare really!

My DH is the EXACT same. I don’t always think it’s because he (and other men) don’t want to spend time with us/ kids they just have different priorities and planning a day out to somewhere kid friendly just isn’t at the forefront of their minds. Which ultimately lands it in our laps, this used to really grate on me too but our DCs are older now and want to do their own thing not drag around a museum or whatever with mum and dad.

Tbh I find weekends boring, whether DH was here or not. I don’t want to fill my weekends with household chores so I try and get those done in the week. What do all these other families do then, esp if their child doesn’t have a club? Ok in the summer but coming into winter, don’t want to/ can’t afford meals out every week.

This makes me sad. I feel like I could have written this myself a few years ago. My husband and I did eventually split up, and are better off apart, but I'm not saying that you should, necessarily. We did try a few things first, such as marriage counselling, which I would recommend. I do think that my husband had depression for some time, but he would never agree with me about that, or get any help.
Your partner needs to step up the the responsibilities of being a father. Introvert or not, he needs to look after the child/ren sometimes, and do things with them sometimes, either inside or outside of the house. There doesn't need to be a big exciting trip every weekend, but maybe once a month is reasonable, and taking the child out of the house one half-day per weekend without you is reasonable too - maybe to a park or cinema or a walk in the woods or teaching them to ride a bike. He might need you to suggest/tell them where to go, or he might prefer to choose the activities himself, everyone is different.
Doing things together as a family is important too, maybe get some simple board games to play together or have a movie afternoon every Sunday with kids films that grown-ups also enjoy (all the Minions/Despicable Me films, Lego Movie & Lego Movie 2, the Monsters Inc and Cars films, etc).
First of all you need to have a proper conversation with him. Try not to be too accusatory - aim for "I'd like us to do more of these things together" rather than "You never do XXX". Some people prefer pre-planned activities and hate surprises /being spontaneous, so it might help to put them in the diary far in advance. I really like another person's comment suggesting 1 half-day per weekend the mum does something with the child while the dad gets to chill, one half-day the other way around, one half-day to do something fun as a family all together, and one half-day the whole family chills together (movie afternoon) 👍👍👍
Best of luck xxx

Don't blame introverts! This man has completely checked out of family life. His loss completely. His kid will grow up and look back on their childhood and say "my mum was great. I never really saw my dad".

What kind of dad doesn't want to spend time with his own kids doing fun stuff? Why have kids if you can't enjoy them?