Would this be a mean and rotten thing to do?

[Halloweenscream]

I need to take youngest shopping at the weekend for a couple of essential bits he needs.. he's always eyeing up the cakes in the cafe but he never asks just says that they look yummy so I thought I'd treat him to a cake and hot chocolate.

Would it be very mean to leave my teenager at home? I feel guilty even considering it, but honestly I dread going anywhere with eldest. He never wants to do anything with us unless it involves buying him something. He won't want to come out but will if he knows it might involve food. Then he will guzzle down his food as quickly as possible and demand to leave or go and sit in the car because he's bored.

Eldest does get time with us alone too, and gets treated, but I hate to say it he can be a real pain in the neck and acts like a toddler.

I'm sure your younger child will absolutely love having a hot chocolate and a cake in a cafe with you, but it's not a massive event that the whole family needs to be included in. I'm pretty sure your teenager will be able to live with the fact that you stopped for a cuppa while on a shopping trip he didn't want to go on.

Tell him you're going for essentials, does he want to come. Do cake shop as ready you've decided to do on the day because DS was good. Buy cake for teen at home

Is a cake really such a massive deal that it's worth considering the fairness of it? As long as generally you treat both children fairly, I wouldn't be worrying about making sure they both had equal amounts of cake.

I regularly do different things with mine at different times as they don't all enjoy the same things. Nothing wrong with that.

Of course it’s fine! it’s normal to do things with your children individually at times.

Totally fine. I would take him a cake home though, just because it's the kind thing to do.

By that age i wa staying at home when my mum went out with my toddler sister-nothign as boring as traipsing round with a toddler

No - absolutely not. We have often taken the divide and conquer approach. We take our kids away separately overnight as well so e.g I took DD to Dogfest last year and DS stayed with DH and this year DS and I had an overnight in a hotel by the sea. They are lovely company on their own and often less lovely together. We all enjoy our family holidays but we equally enjoy time apart. It is easier if you have two parents, I realise that.

Just bring him a cake back. Enjoy your one on one time.

As an only child the biggest mistake I see good parents make is to try to treat their children identically.

I have 3 children and most of the time I have taken them to cafés on their own since they were very little. I find the 1 to 1 quality time is so valuable and I think they appreciate it more! You can always take your teenager out on your own another time. I regularly do this with mine!

Ignore the mean spirited “it serves your teen right” sentiments but it’s absolutely fine to treat dc differently and according to their needs.

Fairness isn’t the same thing as sameness.

Taking a cake home for the eldest is a lovely idea - it sounds like he would be more comfortable enjoying his treat at home anyway.

Your approach to parenting is very different yo mine OP.
My DC are older now but we often did things on the spur of the moment and often took whoever felt like coming. It was never in the case of DC3 who was always out with his friends or glued yo a screen.

Love this! I've never actually had it framed like this.

OP - I also feel guilty about taking my DC out separately but much, much prefer it. Go for it!

Do this.
Buy a cake from a bakery- Far cheaper.
I had a coffee and cake out yesterday- and was horrified at price.
My friend insisted on leaving a tip
but service was added to the bill.
I won’t be eating cake from
a cafe again at over £6 a slice.
( Very ordinary cafe , too )

Drink and cake when ‘out’ with you and little brother is not the treat you’re thinking it would be! Definitely more of a treat to not go shopping and a cake on top is a bonus 😊

Why on earth would you drag a teen shopping for stuff for the little one?

But do take a cake home.

Give him a £5 or something. X

I think this is fine. To assuage guilt then yeah, buy teen a cake for home but spending time one on one with kids individually is pretty healthy in my opinion. Why Should your toddler miss out on a good time with you due to a moody sibling? Not unreasonable, good parenting

It's OK but is the youngest child going to say excitedly when he gets home, "We had a nice cake!" and will this cause a sulk?

I’m concerned that you feel the need to ask this question.
of course it’s ok ! 😬

Perfect response. He wouldn't want to be on the shopping trip, all he would want is the cake. This way he gets all that he wants and you and youngest get a stress-free time. Win-win!

Completely agree with this.

I have a 15yo and a 13yo (and a younger one) and would not be rewarding any stroppy behaviour with cake - they all know that they might get a treat if they come out shopping with me, but nothing if they decide they would like to stay at home instead.

I think you are overthinking this. Its not a once in a lifetime opportunity he is missing out on. Surely a teenager won't be that be that bothered they missed out on one slice of cake.

This with bells on.