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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Don’t kiss my baby

30 replies

Janedoe95 · 30/09/2022 09:04

Is it unreasonable to suddenly tell people to stop kissing my baby? especially when I previously allowed it?

I thought once we were passed the newborn stage it would be fine and my baby was born just after flu season however with it approaching again I’ve seen in the news about a 8 month old baby catching RSV and being hospitalized.

im worried about how it’ll be taken especially by MIL and SIL as they do like kissing him and may take it personally being suddenly told not too.

i know it will be difficult for my own DM as she was very dismissive even when I initially told her no kissing as a newborn however unlike my MIL I won’t have to tiptoe and can just say don’t kiss DS or I won’t come over.

OP posts:
MargotChateau · 30/09/2022 10:03

Your baby, you are it’s mother and there to keep them safe. Doesn’t matter if people agree or disagree, your baby your choices.

OurChristmasMiracle · 30/09/2022 10:10

Your baby your right to do everything to keep them safe.

I would phrase it as a “with all the sickness etc going around id rather people didn’t kiss baby” because then there’s no argument of “but it hasn’t been an issue before”

bellabasset · 30/09/2022 10:21

I'm in my 70's and the rule is you can kiss the baby on the top of their head. This is due to the majority of people having herpes ie getting a stye in the eye. But it's reasonable to ask people to wash their hands before touching the baby.

However we know that this winter we're predicted to have much higher rates of flu and covid as the country is moving back to less restrictions after the pandemic so I'd say it was a wise precaution.

dwightkurtschrute · 30/09/2022 10:35

Absolutely not unreasonable!
my daughter was one of the unlucky ones who was blue lighted into hospital and on oxygen for 4 days with RSV at only 2 weeks old, she was very poorly and it was one of the most traumatic experiences I’ve had.

There is no need for anyone but you/other parent to kiss that bubba.

JenniferBarkley · 30/09/2022 10:35

I just can't imagine ever telling my mum not to kiss my children. I want her to kiss them and hug them as much as she possibly can! Ask them to stick to the top of her head.

Annabananna1 · 30/09/2022 10:37

Kisses on the head only was my rule. No one minded.

xogossipgirlxo · 30/09/2022 10:39

YANBU. I don't get kissing someone's baby anyway. People have cold sores etc. and you never know if they are being honest with you.

Original poster
Janedoe95 · 30/09/2022 10:40

Thank you! Kisses on the forehead only seems like a good compromise without coming across too controlling

OP posts:
Suzi888 · 30/09/2022 10:40

Your baby, your rules. Possibly go with top of the head as it’s easier for people to actually stick to.

We aren’t kissers here, but DD loves a kiss (she’s 6) we just do cheeks (as I’ve never been a fan of lip kissing) and lots of cuddles. She’s my shadow.

AlwaysFoldingWashing · 30/09/2022 10:41

Absolutely not unreasonable, your baby and your rules. I'd maybe suggest head and hands as a suggestion though rather than cutting it out altogether?

Original poster
Janedoe95 · 30/09/2022 10:41

xogossipgirlxo · 30/09/2022 10:39

YANBU. I don't get kissing someone's baby anyway. People have cold sores etc. and you never know if they are being honest with you.

I know I don’t really like it at all especially when they give baby sloppy kisses but once he was out of the newborn stage I bit my tongue as it’s well intended

OP posts:
skgnome · 30/09/2022 10:42

I would say kisses on the head sounds reasonable
also, avoid people when they “just have sniffles”

Wifflywafflywoo · 30/09/2022 11:07

I have just had this conversation with my mam about half an hour ago, due to the same article on the 8 month old. I have never allowed anyone to kiss my DD, they must wash hands before picking her up and dogs (including ours) aren't allowed to lick her or touch her stuff. Even after making it very clear to people there have been a few occasions where they have tried to kiss her, put a finger in her mouth (I find this vile and rather weird) etc. and I have immediately stopped them and told them again, no. I'm well known for being confident in my ability to say how I feel, and to be honest I really don't care what people think of my views on this. This includes family members on both sides. She's my daughter and my responsibility to keep safe and if people think I'm being over the top then that's for them to bitch about in the safety of their own lives. I'm in no way a germaphobe or overbearing, there's just some things I won't tolerate, like strangers trying to touch her pram to look in at her. So yeh, I probably sound like a total misery but I don't care 😄

YellowTreeHouse · 30/09/2022 11:37

YABU and precious to stop loved ones kissing your baby over your own paranoia and anxieties.

Olivegreen27 · 30/09/2022 11:42

Yanbu! We all have bad colds at the moment in my house and I’m a bit worried about my baby and RSV. Where is the article about the 8month old? I had a Google but can’t see it.

xogossipgirlxo · 30/09/2022 11:42

skgnome · 30/09/2022 10:42

I would say kisses on the head sounds reasonable
also, avoid people when they “just have sniffles”

Have you met my mum? 😂she does it to people's babies. Bit creepy IMO 😐

shivawn · 30/09/2022 11:43

Gosh, don't most people know better now? I never had to ask anyone not to kiss my baby because people seemed aware of it themselves (maybe in part due to covid).

What annoyed me was when he was still a newborn and people would still want to call when they had a cold and be like "oh don't worry, I had covid last month so it's not that"....like okay, but I don't want to expose my 3 week old to any infections.

Olivegreen27 · 30/09/2022 11:46

In fact Op you could say it’s due to rise of covid infections, so you’re worried about him catching that. People seem to take covid more seriously than other viruses (even though RSV is probably more risky for babies!) as proven by some of the responses on the thread!

S25 · 30/09/2022 12:50

Your baby, absolutely your rules. Nobody should be making you feel bad about having your precious baby’s health as your number one priority. If they absolutely have to kiss your baby then as others have mentioned, ask them to please stick to the top of their head xx

Original poster
Janedoe95 · 30/09/2022 19:51

Wifflywafflywoo · 30/09/2022 11:07

I have just had this conversation with my mam about half an hour ago, due to the same article on the 8 month old. I have never allowed anyone to kiss my DD, they must wash hands before picking her up and dogs (including ours) aren't allowed to lick her or touch her stuff. Even after making it very clear to people there have been a few occasions where they have tried to kiss her, put a finger in her mouth (I find this vile and rather weird) etc. and I have immediately stopped them and told them again, no. I'm well known for being confident in my ability to say how I feel, and to be honest I really don't care what people think of my views on this. This includes family members on both sides. She's my daughter and my responsibility to keep safe and if people think I'm being over the top then that's for them to bitch about in the safety of their own lives. I'm in no way a germaphobe or overbearing, there's just some things I won't tolerate, like strangers trying to touch her pram to look in at her. So yeh, I probably sound like a total misery but I don't care 😄

@Wifflywafflywoo you sound just like me haha! I completely agree obviously babies will put things in their mouth and you can’t protect them from everything but it doesn’t mean it’s not worth trying!

OP posts:
Chloefairydust · 30/09/2022 20:05

I think you are not being unreasonable, you are simply protecting your child.

I don’t have any children but if I did I wouldn’t allow people to kiss the baby. I don’t think it’s right, one of my earliest memories is being a toddler and a relative forcing kisses on my lips, I hated it and remember trying to push them away with my hands but they just laughed and carried on.

That traumatic memory aside, it’s not fair to risk the baby being exposed to a life time of painful cold sores because people feel they have a right to kiss the baby 🤨

I think it’s enough just to hold someone’s baby for a cuddle to be honest …

Wifflywafflywoo · 30/09/2022 20:27

@Janedoe95

She is in the munching on everything stage so she'll be getting her daily dose of germs I'm sure 😄

TheRubyRedshoes · 30/09/2022 20:33

Sloppy kisses 😩
Why oh why are people so incredibly selfish!

Babies can be hugged, rocked, cooed at ....sroekwe

TheRubyRedshoes · 30/09/2022 20:34

Stroked.... loved immensely without kissing and with washed clean hand's. ..

Pompomqueen · 30/09/2022 22:42

I was the exact same about people kissing my two babies. I didn't even do it myself near there mouths really until they were over 6 months (I suffer a lot with coldsores). My mil kissed my newborn days after he was born I hated it so much and felt so uncomfortable saying not to do it so I asked my partner who after some nagging txt her reluctantly. She said it was ridiculous and I'm pretty sure his whole side of the family judged me for it and thought I was ott and 'crazy'. But I didn't care. I really don't get why it's such a big deal to some people. I would have no issue and would completely understand having had my children if someone said this to me.
But just know you are NOT being unreasonable. Not at all.