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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

MIL buying big gift from baby to toddler after I have already purchased one?

51 replies

Littlefattykittycatty · 29/09/2022 18:01

Just as the title says really. I have bought our dd a gift for when the baby arrives (quite expensive but educational). Now dh told me MIL wants to buy dd a gift for when the baby arrives, think along the lines of a swing/slide/trampoline. It is something dd will absolutely love but aibu to feel a bit miffed? My gift is not something she will know how to use straight away, think leapfrog leapad, but I bought it so she would be a bit more independent when baby arrives. Now MIL is buying this big show piece when I feel it is not here place or aibu? And just to add we could afford ourselves to buy the item MIL is purchasing but had chosen something that we thought might help with the transition from having all the attention. Also I thought it should be the mum and dad who purchased the gift so we could have that memory? Again totally willing to accept I am unreasonable at this late hormonal stage in pregnancy!

OP posts:
LadyWithLapdog · 29/09/2022 18:03

You’re overthinking it.

The whole idea of gift from the baby is bizarre.

Cloverforever · 29/09/2022 18:05

It's not a competition OP. Your toddler can have two presents!

houseofboy · 29/09/2022 18:05

Honestly you are over thinking it. It's not a memory moment really it's about your first not feeling left out by the new baby. We did a gift though we did very small (toot toot car) and I think a couple of other people bought our first something it's not a big deal.

toolatetoloseweight · 29/09/2022 18:07

No problem with there being two gifts. Depending on your family/friends, new baby is likely to get quite a lot of gifts/attention, so it's nice for the older one to feel like they got something(s) too. I wouldn't get such a big gift as a trampoline but if she wants to (and you don't have another reason not to want a trampoline) I don't think it really impacts what you're getting.

Pufferpuffin · 29/09/2022 18:10

I think your MIL sounds really kind. Something for the garden for your elder one to burn off some energy if you’re stuck feeding a newborn. You’re lucky honestly to have such generous in-laws! For my parents and my in laws the max they’ve ever spent on a present for the children is £15.

vegang · 29/09/2022 18:12

think along the lines of a swing/slide/trampoline

think leapfrog leappad

Sorry it's off topic but why do people say this instead of just saying what it is?

But no I wouldn't be annoyed with her I think it's a nice thing to do but do you think she's trying to one-up you after you said you were getting the leappad?

Original poster
Littlefattykittycatty · 29/09/2022 18:13

Thank you for the responses, I can't trust my feelings at the moment as I am heavily pregnant and a tad emotional...so I do feel that I am not thinking clearly. I suppose MIL and BIL have made such a big deal about the gift he received when DH was born that I felt obliged to get one in the first place (I am one of 4 and we didn't recieve any gifts when siblings were born) and to think it was this fantastic memory my DD would have.

OP posts:
GiltEdges · 29/09/2022 18:13

YABU.

Your MIL wants to do something nice for your toddler, whose world is about to be turned upside down by the introduction of a new sibling. You don’t get to have a monopoly on caring/doing nice things. Be grateful to your MIL and happy for your child that she has such a lovely grandma.

Underthehills · 29/09/2022 18:13

I can see how you’d be feeling that way. DS was showered with new brother gifts when DD arrived earlier this year and actually I think it really helped him feel celebrated and noticed too. I’d accept it graciously. It will also be a good distraction while you’re busy with baby.

LivingMyBestLie · 29/09/2022 18:15

I don't think your toddler will care or realise what's from who.

The main thing is that she still gets lots of attention and focus when the baby gets here. That's why people get the gifts, to avoid jealousy and insecurity, not to compete over who gets what.

Both gifts sound great. You're lucky to have a thoughtful MIL. My MIL doesn't acknowledge or remember my kids birthdays let alone get a new sibling gift

beonmywaythen · 29/09/2022 18:16

Yabu

HangOnToYourself · 29/09/2022 18:16

You are seriously complaining that your MIL is buying your child a gift? Mumsnet amazes me sometimes

IncompleteSenten · 29/09/2022 18:18

Any money others spend is money you don't have to.
I'm all for it.

Doidontimmm · 29/09/2022 18:18

Your toddler won’t have an amazing memory! Can you remember stuff from when you were a toddler? Honestly it’s hormones!!!

Original poster
Littlefattykittycatty · 29/09/2022 18:18

@vegang no I don't believe she is trying to one up me this time although there is a history of her taking over things which is why I feel this way I suppose.

OP posts:
Fairyliz · 29/09/2022 18:18

So your child is a toddler, you do know they will have no memory whatsoever of receiving a gift when their sibling was born.
It might be different if they were 6/7.

Piffle11 · 29/09/2022 18:19

Her gift has trumped yours ... you're upset about that. That is fine and understandable.

But it's a huge win for your toddler Grin

Forget about it x

Namechanger965 · 29/09/2022 18:21

Just do the one from MIL as a gift to your DD for being a good big sister, rather than from the baby. Everyone bought gifts for DC1 when DC2 was born (us included, although I can’t remember what it was). No one bought them gifts when DC3 was born and it’s made no difference whatsoever.

CheezePleeze · 29/09/2022 18:22

LadyWithLapdog · 29/09/2022 18:03

You’re overthinking it.

The whole idea of gift from the baby is bizarre.

Me too!

Parents generally try to be as honest as possible when explaining pregnancy and childbirth etc.

Then the baby pops out with a present 🤔

nicknamehelp · 29/09/2022 18:23

My ds was 3 when dd born he has no memory of the gift he got just remembers getting to pick a gingerbread person from the cafe when he came to visit

SleepingStandingUp · 29/09/2022 18:23

You mean...

AIBU to be jealous that DD will like Mils present more than ours?

Yes.

Your daughter is loved enough that her Nanny wants to buy her a present for becoming a big sister. Hardly NC territory.

1224boom · 29/09/2022 18:23

I think it's really kind of her to be so generous.

WoopsIdiditagain1 · 29/09/2022 18:24

Your MIL sounds really kind. Your DC are lucky that she cares to buy them something. Don't be one of those people that sucks the joy out of a new baby because the want to do all the firsts.

On a side note my toddler loved these reusable sticker books were great when I had my baby

www.amazon.co.uk/Melissa-Doug-Sticker-Reusable-Stickers/dp/B01AUADF6U/ref=asc_df_B01BGWGI5G?tag=bingshoppinga-21&linkCode=df0&hvadid=80539283534591&hvnetw=o&hvqmt=e&hvbmt=be&hvdev=m&hvlocint=&hvlocphy=&hvtargid=pla-4584138858889892&psc=1&th=1

drpet49 · 29/09/2022 18:25

Pufferpuffin · 29/09/2022 18:10

I think your MIL sounds really kind. Something for the garden for your elder one to burn off some energy if you’re stuck feeding a newborn. You’re lucky honestly to have such generous in-laws! For my parents and my in laws the max they’ve ever spent on a present for the children is £15.

This

JenniferBarkley · 29/09/2022 18:27

I would say you would like the tablet to be the only present from the baby, but she's welcome to get the climbing frame as a congratulations for being a big sister present.

It's a really generous offer, and will be a godsend to keep the toddler entertained.