MIL buying big gift from baby to toddler after I have already purchased one?

[Littlefattykittycatty]

Just as the title says really. I have bought our dd a gift for when the baby arrives (quite expensive but educational). Now dh told me MIL wants to buy dd a gift for when the baby arrives, think along the lines of a swing/slide/trampoline. It is something dd will absolutely love but aibu to feel a bit miffed? My gift is not something she will know how to use straight away, think leapfrog leapad, but I bought it so she would be a bit more independent when baby arrives. Now MIL is buying this big show piece when I feel it is not here place or aibu? And just to add we could afford ourselves to buy the item MIL is purchasing but had chosen something that we thought might help with the transition from having all the attention. Also I thought it should be the mum and dad who purchased the gift so we could have that memory? Again totally willing to accept I am unreasonable at this late hormonal stage in pregnancy!

It won’t take over your moment as it’s an outdoors item. Yours will be given first.
For everyone sneering, the idea is to counter sibling rivalry by having the baby arrive with a gift for the older child. Worth a try, surely.

I doubt your child will remember this anyway. BIL probably only remembers because MIL hasn't stopped banging on about it for several decades. It's better for her to have two gifts rather than one.

You don't have to anonymise the gifts though. You can say you bought a Yoto Player and MIL bought a ball pit or whatever.

My daughter loved her gift from the baby. We got her a penguin with loads if buckles and zips 2 1/2 years later she and her sister still play with it. No sibling rivalry, until the both become toddlers, my daughter thought her baby sister was amazing.

Surely her memory should be of her sibling not a swing set?

is she old enough to use the outdoor toy herself?

i think the bizarre but is saying either gift is from the baby rather than it’s for you from is because we are so proud of you being a big sister now. Surely the point is it’s trying to show nothing has changed in terms of mummy and daddy still loving her just as much? Am I over thinking it?

Save yours back for a while and use it after a few weeks as a thank you for being a fabulous big sister.

It's very very normal to get the toddler a present from the baby. I think all of my friends did this just to ease the transition.

Tbh I'd be more inclined to go for something small that can be played with instantly rather than something they'll need to learn at a time you don't have time to show them, but the concept is a very popular one.

Lots of people gave my DS a gift when DD was born. It meant he wasn't jealous by all the gifts she received (he was 2.5). As a compromise could you ask that the gift isn't "from the baby"?

I’d just tell her she was overstepping and to take the gift back.

My mum bought my eldest a scooter when the new baby arrived, amazing, and an expense we therefore didn’t have to spend. It was way better then the gift we bought and has been used every day, I just felt thankful she was saving us money/time and the eldest was so pleased nanny was spoiling her and she was still special even with the new baby’s arrival and having to share grand parents. Everyone was a winner.

If your MIL has a history of overstepping then I can see why this would grate, but outdoor play equipment is a generous gift and one that your toddler and their sibling will love and be able to use for ages.

Is your MIL going to give it as if it is a gift from the baby? Could you suggest she give it as a gift from her to your toddler to celebrate her becoming a big sister, instead? This is a bit more honest, enables your toddler to practise thanking her grandma, and keeps that celebration between them rather than invoking the baby at a time when the baby will be getting a lot of attention. A gracious MIL will understand your fear of being overshadowed and how delicate the dynamics can be when a new sibling is introduced.

YABU. I would rethink an 'educational' gift too. If you are going to link it to Baby's arrival, I would not give something that might frustrate or highlight DDs weaknesses.

I don't see at all what the problem is. Sounds like a nice thing she is doing and your DD will enjoy.

Sorry but you are being completely unreasonable and actually I can’t believe you’re complaining about this. Your poor in-laws. Im also 39 weeks pregnant having had a horrendous pregnancy with many health scares for me and the baby, and my in laws haven’t even checked in on me (or baby) in months, not even a text. They won’t get anything for baby, let alone toddler. Your in-laws clearly care so be careful you don’t push them away.

Is this big gift to go in your garden? If so YANBU. Who buys a massive gift for someone else's house without asking them first?

Yeah that’s not even a thing! Why can’t your toddler have both from those that love her? Stop creating problems where there aren’t any.

Honestly the more presents the better

YABU

I had my second 3 months ago. We bought DD 2yo a gift, as did both her grandma's, her grandad and my SIL. The only thing she was remotely interested in was in fact, her new baby brother 😁

LOL, I suspect the only reason your BIL remembers it is because his Mum has gone on about it.

An outdoor activity gift plus a leap pad make a brilliant combination of new distractions for your toddler, but what they will need most is constant affirmation that they baby has not replaced them in terms of your love, and they have a role as your Dc1, not just ‘big sibling to the main event’, which many visitors’ talk often suggests.

Congratulations, OP, the memories are all about building your family, not gifts and ‘stuff’.

Yes, in context she is being a pita for trying to use the occasion of the birth of your child to gloryhunt and gratify her own ego by replaying a tradition from her own parenting, usurping your role in the process. She doesn't get to give the gift 'from the baby'. But I see no problem with her giving it from Granny

I take no shit from MILs

Tell mil to keep it at her house. Supervising a toddler on a trampoline with a new baby won't be fun.. Especially since summer is over..

I don’t understand why anyone gets annoyed at presents being bought for DC. It’s money you don’t have to spend? YABU.

How old is your toddler? Can you get something they would really love immediately?

We got DD a gift from her new brother - a build-a-bear type thing that she really wanted - but she was nearly 4 so maybe understood a bit more than your DD.

Just count yourself lucky your MIL wants to do this. It wouldn’t occur to my MIL to do something nice like this or spend any money. X

Thanks all for the useful replies, I guess I am feeling a bit hormonal and have had a really difficult pregnancy this far. I can see it is a generous gift and there is probably more to the background of this than I will share online. We live in the same town, in the same villiage within 5 minutes walk of each other and I suppose it can all get a bit intense and fraught at times. Anyway thanks for the replies I will not be looking at anymore and will draw a line under it all accepting the gift for my girl.