To look like shit a year pp?

[Menwithvenn]

I had my first baby a year ago. He's lovely but was and continues to be quite "high needs". He had reflux and has an intolerance to cows milk so we had a few really difficult weeks initially. He doesn't sleep well at all and I'm up with him throughout the night. We cosleep but he still wakes frequently.

I am knackered all the time and eating crap for energy. I'm also the main earner and am just getting back to work, I'll be doing 4 days. When I'm home alone with my little boy, it's very difficult to get even basics done. Even when he's in the same room he often wants to be picked up and is teething at the moment so is quite unhappy.

I wasn't my ideal weight before pregnancy but I've gone from a size 14 to a 16-18. I have a huge stomach and a c-section overhang. I rarely get to put on makeup or do my hair. I live in leggings and dresses as all my fitted clothes are too small or look awful with my stomach.

A few weeks ago I tried cutting calories to lose weight at a steady pace but I lost less than 1lb per week so I got fed up and thought fuck this! I was definitely counting properly and had used a TDEE calculator to figure out how much I should eat. I know it won't happen overnight but it just feels like at my size it shouldn't be so slow?!

As part of my job role I am also doing a postgraduate qualification which involves travelling 6 hours a day to and from university. The course is in the induction phase at the moment so I am there 2x a week, but this will reduce to 1x fortnightly soon. I am also struggling with leaving my son for so long on these days and am feeling quite down generally about having to return to work. I suppose this plays a part in my motivation.

Partner is helpful but during the night it is often only me that can settle baby (are they still considered a baby at 1?)

I see other mums who look fabulous and here I am looking like absolute shite.

Anyone else?!

I never comment on threads, but I just had to on this one because I was (and sometimes still am!) in the same position as you!

High needs baby (although 21 months now so is toddler more appropriate?) that only ever wants me and wants to be carried all the time. They struggle with sleep, teething and are generally clingy. I work 4 days and have done since she was 10 months old. It's hard work. I'm just starting to prioritise myself and have joined a gym, go on walks and feel able to eat healthy. But on the one day per week I am off work with baby, I eat whatever is quick and easy as they make preparing food difficult 😋 my hair is often a mess, I wear an old hoody and makeup is non-existant on these days.

I know it's annoying when people say this, but it really does get better. 21 months now and starting to make time for myself again.

You are a fantastic mom 🙂

Aww thank you for your lovely response and for giving me some hope!!

My DS is 11 months, age corrected to 9.5, also has CMPA and bloody demanding. The milk allergy does add in a whole other l9af of mental load when working out what to feed them. Just got back to work recently and I look like shite too, although my DH says I look great! My hoody is covered in food and I've washed my hair for a week.

I nothing done at home other than the basics, laundry, cleaning kitchen worktop snd occasionally cleaning the loo. We're having microwaved potato and beans for dinner this week as we can't be bothered with anything else. I found massively lowering my standards helped. However my DS doesn't sleep through the night I'm bloody knackered from it all and trying to work.

It's pretty hard, does feel shit but you're still a brilliant mum. Lowering standards helps massively. And all those other mums who look great? They can fuck right off! Just focus on you 😁

Aw OP! I hear ya. I'm back at work for the first time tomorrow (eek) and my DD is 10 months. I'm a good few sizes bigger than pre pregnancy (when i was the slimmest and healthiest, fittest I've ever been - typical hey). I've bought myself some nice new clothes for work and tried not to worry about the size on the label, just that they look nice and flattering - that has helped me feel more confident. I've also had a really good low maintenance hair cut and got some facial fake tan drops which I've been adding to moisturiser which means i don't need to wear make up. All of this makes me feel better even if it doesn't equate to how I look pre baby!!

Ironically I tend to find I move more with my high needs baby by endlessly walking round the house with her in my arms

I also remind myself I never looked as polished and glam as those other mums even before I had a baby 😂

2 and a half years pp here and exactly the same! I have taken on a promotion though, with more travelling and longer hours, so I’m blaming that in part. No advice, just acknowledgement that motivation is hard to find and you’re not alone!

DC2 is 2.5 and I could have written your post. It is getting slowly easier. I do find that if I take the time to put a bit of make up on and wear vaguely presentable clothes I feel better about myself. I also sorted my hair - it turned wavy through my pregnancies and I had no idea what to do with it. A decent hairdresser sorted me out and now I can have it reasonably presentable in five minutes in the morning.

I need to lose weight and get fitter for my health, but in truth I have zero motivation for either ATM, even though it's sapping my confidence. For now, I'm trying to hold off snacking during the day. Going into the office helps with that, when I wfh I'm ridiculous.

You'll get there, be kind to yourself. My first baby had reflux and it was brutal, frankly. She's great now. It won't always be like this.

Ah thanks for the solidarity folks! Genuinely makes me feel better 🙂

The other mums, the ones who manage to look good, are probably the ones who have nannies and / or lots of helpful family members. Most of us were like you! You’re doing great. One pound weight loss per week is ideal by the way.

CMPA with a 9 mth old here too and chasing my tail with constant clothing changes, laundry and supermarket trips to source more extortionate free from food options (as an aside, def becoming more common - my 4th and the only one who’s had this). No real advice, just solidarity!

I could have written this post. Everything rang true though I don't have the excuse of a high needs baby. We're considering baby number 2 and all I can think about is how much worse my tummy/weight could get. I was never particularly glam before but now I think I really must be bottom of the barrel 🙈 I live in fear of someone asking when the baby is due.

Going back to work has been helpful though. I'm mostly WFH so now have time to do my hair etc as nursery starts before work. I've found two work dresses that I can live with so wear on rotation. Luckily able to WFH mostly so get by.

I also tell my DH when I need hair straightening time, etc. So he knows he's got to be the first point of call rather than baby going straight to me. Even if that means, they're watching teletubbies together in our bed while I do my hair.

I'm aiming to do the best I can with eating/weight/exercise until I finish having children. I'm never going to be able to stick to something properly with all their demands but hoping that a few extra steps here and there and more conscious eating will stop me feeling too much worse. After kids, for better or worse, planning a tummy tuck.

If you were losing a lb a week, I'd definitely restart that. That would be almost a stone by Christmas!!

Bloody hell that sounds tough. Give yourself a break. Buy a pair of comfy but smart jeggings and some tops that coordinate. Tidy hair. That's that done.
And cuddle the baby. Hang in there.

Aw, op. Don't compare yourself to other people. You have no idea what they feel about themselves or what their lives are like.
Concentrate on yourself because you sound like an amazing, motivated mother who is coping with all sorts of issues. Take time out to be proud of that. Get yourself some larger clothes for the immediate future to boost your confidence and look at your diet, etc, when you're feeling more settled.

Maybe get some fat pants too? Lol, no idea what they are called, but they hold my c section overhang in pretty well! Wouldn't wear them at home but they do give a little more confidence when out. Hugs x

Oh and 1lb a week weight loss, with all that going on is probably the max you should be aiming for.
Remember, 20 weeks of 1lb per week is 20lb off.

Hahaha yes, I see pictures of myself and I still look pregnant, and the extra chin??!!

You're right, the lbs definitely add up. I'm a very impatient person but I need to accept it doesn't happen straight away!

I feel like this and DD is 4!

Last October I said enough is enough and I have managed to lose some weight - i'm now 2 stone 8lbs down although I still have a long way to go. It's helped a wee bit but I still feel shit about myself a lot of the time, and defo not glam.

Just wanted to send some solidarity x

Oh I have some!! Thanks :) what a lovely thread!

No advice really but just wanted to chime in to say I 100% relate, have an almost 1 year old and I feel like I look like shit most days and have piled on the weight to the point I barely recognise myself in the mirror anymore. It’s not a nice feeling. I too also have the c section overhang which is a lovely addition 🙈

1lb a week loss is really good though! I know it’s so hard (been there loads myself), but if you think about it, if you just keep that up for 14 weeks you’re at a stone loss! I’m just telling myself it’ll all get easier and I’ll get more time to myself soon I’m sure…………..

You should feel very proud of that! Well done, I'd be shouting from the rooftops if I managed the same

I've no advice but solidarity! DS now 3, wasn't a high needs baby and still look like shit, clothes are shit and underwear is worse 😅 I've stopped caring, no one looks at me when I'm out with DS anyway. I keep aiming to make more effort, especially when I have to work in the office but can't be bothered. Keep up with the diet though, if you feel you need to health wise. Your body is beautiful, look what it made, your precious little baby

It took me a year to start to get my shit together after DC2, she never slept and a clingy lockdown baby led to a lot of eating chocolate stuck at home every day!

Now she’s 2.5 and I’m the lowest weight I’ve been in years, fitter/stronger than ever and feeling good about my clothes/hair etc. again.

You need to have some self compassion, treat yourself to some grooming (for me it was just painting my nails/using body lotion, start small). Be kind to yourself, it’s so much more productive for self improvement than talking to yourself negatively.

Also 1 lb per week is good, sustainable weight loss! Don’t give up, the more times you are impatient the longer it takes.

Thankyou for starting this thread! No advice, just here to say I feel very similar. My daughter is 20 months. Was just out lamenting today about all the immaculate people with their clean prams and nice clothes. I feel like me, the pram, car and flat are all just a bit grubby 🙄I also went from a size 14 to a 16-18. I do still get a bit of a shock when I see myself in pictures!

Could have wrote the first half of this 😂 I’m the same. Due to return to work soon and I’m shitting myself as I look terrible. I had a very rough pregnancy and recovery. Overhang belly from c section. I’ve grown an extra 2 chins at least and i’m now struggling to see where my back ends and bum starts. I Have become a very weird shape 😂 I have to laugh otherwise think I will cry. For me personally I am Not a priority any more. I used to like treating myself and buying nice clothes etc but now all my focus and energy is on my baby so I just eat shit, scrape my hair up which gets washed once a week if I’m lucky and put on some very unflattering clothes. I just feel I don’t have the time for myself at all!

You could be me! Except mine are now 10 and 8 and FINALLY I am now losing that baby weight!! Lost two stone and 1 more to go before I'm back to where I was pre baby 2. :) The first few years are HARD and take their toll on the body, but things get easier and you can begin to nurture yourself again in time 💐💐