Page 3 | Adult birthdays

Same1977 · 2022-09-29T04:45:43+00:00

I have friends (one of them very close ) who plan a big do for their birthday every year. We are talking about weekend away ,or consecutive days of events (west end show,clubs,dinners etc). It's all OTT. Previously it hasn't been an issue as we didn't live close enough ,but now I'm tired of making up excuses.I have a young child and I'm not that young anymore.I have done partying and don't want to do 3 day back to back stuff. I have noticed more and more people around me plant their own birthdays and big dos. Telling the 'birthday girl' that I don't want to go or I'm past that is not easy as they take it personally. How do u get out of if without looking like a party proper? Also why has it become so popular? I grew up thinking you let others make a big deal of your achievements and big dates not organise it yourself?

Ticksallboxes · 29/09/2022 07:25

OP all the things you describe these friends doing on their birthdays sound wonderful!

But if you don't want to go that's up to you.

I do quieter ones now but I used to spend about a week celebrating mine with different people, doing special things.

Never a party though - apart from our wedding they terrify me!

MirrorMirror1247 · 29/09/2022 07:28

Birthdays have been under the shadow of covid for the last two years, so I don't think there's any harm in wanting to celebrate in a big way.

For me, I didn't have many friends growing up and lived rurally, so my birthdays weren't all that fun, though of course I got presents from family. Now I'm part of a group of friends who I love, so when I turn 36 in January I'm going to invite them round for drinks, games etc. I did that on my 32nd and it was by far my best birthday. It wasn't so much about it being my birthday, but the feeling that these people liked me and wanted to come and spend time with me was amazing after feeling left out through school.

spicysoup · 29/09/2022 07:29

It sounds to me that she is probably just using her birthday as an excuse to bring friends together and do something fun. You can always say no.

Original poster

Same1977 · 29/09/2022 07:31

Ticksallboxes · 29/09/2022 07:25

OP all the things you describe these friends doing on their birthdays sound wonderful!

But if you don't want to go that's up to you.

I do quieter ones now but I used to spend about a week celebrating mine with different people, doing special things.

Never a party though - apart from our wedding they terrify me!

That's the thing we do all those things all the time.Thats not the point I am making.Its just going out with birthday banners,badges, tons of selfies etc. Then at least couple of mentiones, sometimes even a countdown on Social media.I just find it hard to understand why?

OP posts:

Gysophilla · 29/09/2022 07:32

Oh my god sounds totally over the top (unless of course it’s a milestone birthday, which you’ve said it’s not).

Fadeout83 · 29/09/2022 07:33

Same1977 · 29/09/2022 07:31

That's the thing we do all those things all the time.Thats not the point I am making.Its just going out with birthday banners,badges, tons of selfies etc. Then at least couple of mentiones, sometimes even a countdown on Social media.I just find it hard to understand why?

Show quote history

You don’t have to understand why.

Brefugee · 29/09/2022 07:35

Thats not the point I am making.Its just going out with birthday banners,badges, tons of selfies etc. Then at least couple of mentiones, sometimes even a countdown on Social media.I just find it hard to understand why?

Sit down, OP, for this shocking news: Human beings are individuals with individual wants and needs. We don't need to indulge them if we don't want to.

reluctantbrit · 29/09/2022 07:36

I go away with three friends for my 50th birthday in December. Difference is, I don't talk publicly about it, asked them a year ago if the date and idea fits and I also pay for it.

I prefer doing things with my friends instead of just having drinks in a pub. And why is it not ok to organise your own birthday? I don't mind being taken for a drink by my colleagues but if I want to celebrate, I do it the way I prefer as long as it fits for the people I would love to see.

coldfeetmama · 29/09/2022 07:41

I wish I had a friendship group that did something like this

Would maybe avoid the post pandemic norm of going nowhere , seeing no one , little joy or pleasure in life , total isolation

Sounds like a win win to me .. get out - see friends , of course choose the convenient and affordable planned events and you know ... just enjoy life ?

Hubs456 · 29/09/2022 07:55

I think having a ‘birthday weekend’ is just ridiculous once your an adult. Go for a meal, great, maybe a night of bingo, sure whatever your bag is. But a whole weekend dedicated to you turning 34? is just a bit ridiculous. I wouldn’t be going to these ‘back to back events’ and completely see your point OP

girlmom21 · 29/09/2022 08:09

Hubs456 · 29/09/2022 07:55

I think having a ‘birthday weekend’ is just ridiculous once your an adult. Go for a meal, great, maybe a night of bingo, sure whatever your bag is. But a whole weekend dedicated to you turning 34? is just a bit ridiculous. I wouldn’t be going to these ‘back to back events’ and completely see your point OP

But where's the harm? Life's miserable sometimes. If you've got an excuse to celebrate there's nothing wrong with grabbing it with both hands!

Ticksallboxes · 29/09/2022 08:17

It's just going out with birthday banners, badges, tons of selfies...sometimes even a countdown on social media.

Ah. Well this is completely over the top then!

starrynight21 · 29/09/2022 08:18

I was taught you let other praise you and you let others arrange stuff for you

I was too, but do you know what ? Some of us learn to realise that our partners don't bother to praise you, and that they don't bother to arrange stuff for you. So you decide to do things for yourself instead.

In my previous life I learned that my ex husband had no interest in making a fuss about me or my birthdays. So ever since then I've made a fuss of my own birthday - not a huge festival as you describe, but I'll book a nice dinner and buy myself a nice gift . Make myself feel good.

Maybe your friend is doing the same thing - not waiting for others to praise them and arrange stuff for them, but doing it themselves . Good for them.

coldfeetmama · 29/09/2022 08:19

But where's the harm? Life's miserable sometimes. If you've got an excuse to celebrate there's nothing wrong with grabbing it with both hands!

Totally agree @girlmom21
Enjoy life while you can

MothsAndWaspsAreUsefulPollinators · 29/09/2022 08:32

It's all OTT Also why has it become so popular?

Yes it is, and heaven only knows!?

If people want to do this all the time, and I know some families and friendship groups enjoy this, that's fine though of course. Making someone else feel bad about not partaking (especially when they don't have the time, or the money, or both, and have their own families to look after) is not fine. You need some different friends I think.

Blix · 29/09/2022 08:41

I absolutely agree OP. I don't get the attention seeking of a week long birthday.
However I long ago learned to just say "thanks for inviting me but no thank you". No reasons needed.

ineedateatowel · 29/09/2022 09:12

I’m with you OP I find it all a bit childish. I am on board with bigger celebrations for milestone birthdays but even in those cases I think the birthday person should be hosting a party for the people they want to celebrate with. What people seem to do is make their friends spend a small fortune to celebrate the birthday. Then when the friends say no or they can’t afford it they look like a bad friend or killjoy who doesn’t like celebrating. If you want people to celebrate you host a party or keep it to something low key like meeting for drinks. It’s the fact that the plans are often expensive or overwhelming that annoys me.

I had a 40th party, I saved up hired a venue and paid for catering. All my guests had to do was attend (if they wanted to). People don’t know how to be good hosts anymore.

Brefugee · 29/09/2022 09:15

It's just going out with birthday banners, badges, tons of selfies...sometimes even a countdown on social media.

to OP and all the other people who "don't get it" "don't understand it" think "it's self aggrandizing" etc: here's the thing: you don't have to.

You can politely decline. You can join one event. You don't have to join in with banners, badges and balloons and you can be the one to take the pictures for them so you don't have to be in them.

Again: people need to learn how to politely decline and people need to learn how to accept a polite "no" (no fibs, excuses or reasons needed)

courgettigreensadwater · 29/09/2022 09:53

I've never done any of these OTT things. Stags or Hens abroad, weekends away for big birthdays. Me and DH have done a couple over the years but not many and none abroad. I've always just explained that whilst we are ok financially I need to prioritise spending money on family based things and I can't do it all. As they are my friends they completely understand and it's never been an issue in 20/30 years.

gogohmm · 29/09/2022 12:15

Personal preference, decline completely or just go to part of it. Your choice, she likes birthdays

reluctantbrit · 29/09/2022 12:24

ineedateatowel · 29/09/2022 09:12

I’m with you OP I find it all a bit childish. I am on board with bigger celebrations for milestone birthdays but even in those cases I think the birthday person should be hosting a party for the people they want to celebrate with. What people seem to do is make their friends spend a small fortune to celebrate the birthday. Then when the friends say no or they can’t afford it they look like a bad friend or killjoy who doesn’t like celebrating. If you want people to celebrate you host a party or keep it to something low key like meeting for drinks. It’s the fact that the plans are often expensive or overwhelming that annoys me.

I had a 40th party, I saved up hired a venue and paid for catering. All my guests had to do was attend (if they wanted to). People don’t know how to be good hosts anymore.

Not everyone is a fan of parties. I got fed up with being out all night and lots of people who may know the host but I may only know a handful of the guests.

I pay for my birthday away and my friends and I prefer doing something nice during the day and having a nice meal. I do know that one of us would prefer not to pay for a hotel in December so I made clear from the beginning that the room and dinner was fully on me.

It all depends on the people you spend time with.

@starrynight21 - my husband just doesn't do birthdays. He doesn't understand why people celebrate. It's the way he was brought up, his parents don't do birthdays either, they are normally away. So he will get me a gift but that's it. I know it from the first year and I think that's ok, I am more than capable of booking a restaurant or whatever I like doing.

Enko · 29/09/2022 12:30

If I was to leave it to others I would have no celebrations at all. Dh is crap at such stuff. Perhaps by now the young adult children would do something

I dont so count downs and I don't so 3 days of celebrations with the same people
However I've no issue w people who do
I opt in and out as suits me.

Ffsmakeitstop · 29/09/2022 12:34

I'm with you op. I used to know a lady who had a birthday week. Wth is that about?
I understand people arranging their own things so that they get what they want but 3day events every year. No way.

ineedateatowel · 29/09/2022 13:20

@reluctantbrit that sounds lovely, I think if you aren’t expecting people to pay a small fortune it makes a big difference.

Totally understand not everyone likes parties as well. I am old fashioned in the sense that I think if you want people to celebrate with you then you host, whether that’s meal out or party.

Meseekslookatme · 29/09/2022 13:32

I found that no one ever does things for my birthday unless I organise it myself.
My 40th was fairly depressing because some people quite close to me just didn't acknowledge it.
I like to feel special occasionally. I've celebrated multiple engagements, weddings (some friends are on 2nd or 3rd.. 🙄) babies etc.
I love making others feel wanted and special. So why not me?
If you Begrudge that, maybe leave those friends to get on with it.