He muttered ‘Get off your fat arse’ under his breath

[Backwhenlifewasgood]

I’m sure I just heard Dp say this…

Dd, 4 asked if we could take our dog for a walk in the woods, Dp said ‘We’re all going’
and I could’ve sworn he said under his breath ‘Get off your fat arse’
I said ‘What did you just say?’He said that he said ‘We’re all going’
I’m really sure he didn’t. I didn’t say anything else as Dd was with us.
Am I being paranoid?
Finding it hard to get off my fat arse at the moment as have had 6 weeks of non stop bleeding from fibroids and a kidney infection!
What would you do?

Is that the type of thing he might normally say? Terrible if so.

@mintywinter If we have big arguments, he says horrible things in the spur of the moment but not usually in everyday life.

Depends if he did say it or not

It's impossible to say without knowing you both. Do you have history for being a bit paranoid? Hearing things? Does he have history of being awful? Of insulting you under his breath?

How do you react to the “horrible things”? Are they insults or truth?

Well, you don’t know whether he said it so not much you can do. I’d put it out of your mind unless it happens again.

Am I being paranoid?

How should we know? It’s your husband, you know him. Does he usually say stuff like that? If I thought DH had said that I’d just say ‘what?’ Why didn’t you ask?

If you are really sure he said it?

Then he did.

Don’t convince yourself he didn’t and don’t let him convince you either.

I couldn’t be with someone who chose snide cheap shots. More so if I’d been unwell.

Why would he say get off your fat ass if he just said we’re all go.

did you protest or say no? Extremely nasty if he said it for no reason! Well if he said it at all!

Do you have a fat arse?

Stop doubting yourself. He did say it. What you are describing is disbelief.

You need to sit down and have a serious conversation about his contempt for you.
Does he say cruel things to you in arguemebtz? Why is that okay?

Irrelevant

I would absolutely end this relationship not because of the words but the quiet dislikes/contempt/hatred he feels for you and your body. It’s toxic and so unhealthy for you to live with this low level cruelty. Especially when you are ill.

Not really.

Really? 🙄

@HollyJollyXmas57 I was sat and not saying I’d go, he could tell I didn’t want to…and I didnt!

@AirFryerNinja I could do with losing a couple of stone after years of ivf treatments, pregnancy etc…yes…so I deserve it? Does that make people lazy?

It was quite blunt, certainly.
Do you think he feels that you don’t do your share of taking out the dog/DC?

Did you go? I think it's telling that he would dictate that you go. I also think it's actually relevant that you are overweight in that it makes it more cruel and personal.

Have things been strained? Just before your daughter suggested it what was the general mood in the house?
I think if you feel you heard it then something is definitely amiss whether or not those were his exact words.

Well it's not the sort of thing you just imagine, is it? I mean why would you.

I have a fat arse and don't take the dog for a walk enough, but there is no way on God's earth that my DH would say something like that. Or think it. He might want my company and tell me it would be nice to spend some time together, or bribe me with the pub to make the dog walk more enticing to me, but he respects me and I wouldn't think of me in such a disrespectful way, or say something so unkind.

It's not on, and you need to have a word with him. But, something like that is showing that there's some major underlying issues in your relationship, because no-one who loves and respects another person would say something like that.

an old boyfriend used to do this constantly “fat cunt” was a favourite. As you say, it’s irrelevant what your size is (I was/am very petite!)… gaslighting little aggressive men always pick the word fat about women.

if you think he said it, he said it. He won’t admit it.

I used to ask ex “did you just say…” and then changed it to “don’t call me xyz” so he had no chance of denial

I have had 6 weeks of non stop bleeding from fibroids and a kidney infection

Has he been caring and sympathetic? I bet not. I think he resents you being ill and that is a sign of a real arsehole. Sorry you have been through this op. You should be putting your feet up and being cared for. Not being told to "get off your fat arse."

@SummerHouse Telling that he dictate I go, why?

I was just about to go, but decided not to after that, just felt crappy