He muttered ‘Get off your fat arse’ under his breath

[Backwhenlifewasgood]

I’m sure I just heard Dp say this…

Dd, 4 asked if we could take our dog for a walk in the woods, Dp said ‘We’re all going’
and I could’ve sworn he said under his breath ‘Get off your fat arse’
I said ‘What did you just say?’He said that he said ‘We’re all going’
I’m really sure he didn’t. I didn’t say anything else as Dd was with us.
Am I being paranoid?
Finding it hard to get off my fat arse at the moment as have had 6 weeks of non stop bleeding from fibroids and a kidney infection!
What would you do?

[Bryonny84]

If he said that it is unkind and unnecessary. You've been ill for God's sake and you don't feel like walking the dog. We take turns to walk our dog or go together but if I don't feel like it/awful weather/not feeling great then DP does it on his own. Telling someone who's unwell to get off their fat arse is horrible and he clearly feels you're not doing your share. Explain that you do a lot of other things instead (which I'm sure you do).

[Isaidnoalready]

@Backwhenlifewasgood

I’m sure I just heard Dp say this…

Dd, 4 asked if we could take our dog for a walk in the woods, Dp said ‘We’re all going’
and I could’ve sworn he said under his breath ‘Get off your fat arse’
I said ‘What did you just say?’He said that he said ‘We’re all going’
I’m really sure he didn’t. I didn’t say anything else as Dd was with us.
Am I being paranoid?
Finding it hard to get off my fat arse at the moment as have had 6 weeks of non stop bleeding from fibroids and a kidney infection!
What would you do?

Go back to the Dr's heal up

Find my self esteem seriously think about putting distance between myself and a gaslighting dick head?

You know what you heard

[Felixfeather223]

@userxx

For a fat arse comment ? You're joking right ?

@userxx does your partner speak to you this way?

[Felixfeather223]

@Backwhenlifewasgood

@mintywinter If we have big arguments, he says horrible things in the spur of the moment but not usually in everyday life.

@Backwhenlifewasgood I’m really sorry, this is horrible. I’m so sorry you’ve been ill, sounds like you’ve been through it. For what it’s worth, probably best to withdraw from trying to figure out what’s going on with him, I think you probably know what you’ve heard, and you know what he’s capable of saying in a fight so sounds possible, even probable. The most important thing is really take care of yourself, do things that cheer you up and make you happy, keep away from fighting with him or challenging him for now. When you’re feeling better, maybe then come back for the advice I imagine you already know is coming from MN. 💐

[ShahRukhKhan]

@userxx

For a fat arse comment ? You're joking right ?

It's not just a fat arse comment though. It shows a total lack of liking and respect for his wife. I would leave the first time my husband spoke to me with such contempt, not that he ever would. No one deserves that and a relationship can't work if one person looks down on the other one.

[AnneLovesGilbert]

@userxx

For a fat arse comment ? You're joking right ?

It’s not just that though is it. She’s in pain and bleeding and he regularly says horrible things to her. Would you stay with someone who was verbally abusive to you?

[Backwhenlifewasgood]

@Noteverybodylives I do the main bulk…by a long way…I actually think it’s quite nice if they sometimes go on their own and have that bonding time

[FictionalCharacter]

@BeanieTeen

Am I being paranoid?

How should we know? It’s your husband, you know him. Does he usually say stuff like that? If I thought DH had said that I’d just say ‘what?’ Why didn’t you ask?

She did ask!!
"I said ‘What did you just say?’He said that he said ‘We’re all going’
I’m really sure he didn't"

[userxx]

@NellesVilla

Ltb.

For a fat arse comment ? You're joking right ?

[NellesVilla]

Ltb.

[userxx]

@Backwhenlifewasgood

@AirFryerNinja I could do with losing a couple of stone after years of ivf treatments, pregnancy etc…yes…so I deserve it? Does that make people lazy?

I think airfryer is being quite literal, I couldn't get wound up about a fat arse comment if I did indeed have a fat arse 🤷‍♂️. If you're really poorly then being expected to go out for a walk is not on.

[Noteverybodylives]

Sorry just read your update.

If you spend most of the time with DD then it’s fair enough that he takes her out of your hair for a while.
It’s nice for her to have quality time with her dad too.

[Clarinet1]

On the one hand, if you were to ask him if he said it, he might deny it which could be construed as gaslighting. On the other hand, even if he thinks you need more exercise and to lose weight, a better thing to say when Dd suggested the dog walk would have been “Yeah, let’s all take Fido to the woods! We can play fetch!” Or something like that.

[Noteverybodylives]

YABU as you don’t even know if he said it or not.

I absolutely hate people being passive aggressive and I’d rather he had said it to myself rather than muttering but you may just be projecting.

Do you think you spend enough time with your DD or is DH doing the main bulk of everything?

[Ofcourseshecan]

@AirFryerNinja

Not really.

Yes, really. He has no right to insult OP, especially when she''s ill and in pain.

[Thereisnolight]

Just say to him when you’re calm, that if in future he has a legitimate criticism or grievance could he raise it with you in a respectful way and you will listen.

[DarceyG]

@Backwhenlifewasgood

I’m sure I just heard Dp say this…

Dd, 4 asked if we could take our dog for a walk in the woods, Dp said ‘We’re all going’
and I could’ve sworn he said under his breath ‘Get off your fat arse’
I said ‘What did you just say?’He said that he said ‘We’re all going’
I’m really sure he didn’t. I didn’t say anything else as Dd was with us.
Am I being paranoid?
Finding it hard to get off my fat arse at the moment as have had 6 weeks of non stop bleeding from fibroids and a kidney infection!
What would you do?

I’d tell him to his arse for a hike the rude twat. If he did say that.

[Backwhenlifewasgood]

@Thereisnolight He went with Dd and our dog last night and I didn’t…we normally all go. Everyone seemed tired tonight and it was just Dd pushing it. He probably did think I should go too, even though I spend all day with Dd and as lovely as that is, for them just to go for a 30-45 minute walk shouldn’t be a big deal. I take Dd out much more

[SummerHouse]

I think he sounds like an utter arsehole. So that he would say "we are all going" without asking if you wanted to, especially as you have been ill, sounds very controlling and belittling.

[Backwhenlifewasgood]

@SummerHouse Telling that he dictate I go, why?

I was just about to go, but decided not to after that, just felt crappy

[SummerHouse]

I have had 6 weeks of non stop bleeding from fibroids and a kidney infection

Has he been caring and sympathetic? I bet not. I think he resents you being ill and that is a sign of a real arsehole. Sorry you have been through this op. You should be putting your feet up and being cared for. Not being told to "get off your fat arse."

[pritixxx]

an old boyfriend used to do this constantly “fat cunt” was a favourite. As you say, it’s irrelevant what your size is (I was/am very petite!)… gaslighting little aggressive men always pick the word fat about women.

if you think he said it, he said it. He won’t admit it.

I used to ask ex “did you just say…” and then changed it to “don’t call me xyz” so he had no chance of denial

[mrsm43s]

I have a fat arse and don't take the dog for a walk enough, but there is no way on God's earth that my DH would say something like that. Or think it. He might want my company and tell me it would be nice to spend some time together, or bribe me with the pub to make the dog walk more enticing to me, but he respects me and I wouldn't think of me in such a disrespectful way, or say something so unkind.

It's not on, and you need to have a word with him. But, something like that is showing that there's some major underlying issues in your relationship, because no-one who loves and respects another person would say something like that.

[GoodVibesHere]

Well it's not the sort of thing you just imagine, is it? I mean why would you.

[VladmirsPoutine]

Have things been strained? Just before your daughter suggested it what was the general mood in the house?
I think if you feel you heard it then something is definitely amiss whether or not those were his exact words.